Breaking News: Straight from the highly secure bunker where the Onion News Network controls its attack satellites, comes this important announcement: Beginning next week, IFC’s Onion News Network will be moving to Friday nights at 10pm ET/PT. Tuesday is just not good enough for America’s most informative news show.
Next week, spend your Tuesday night wagering on an illegal spouse fighting ring, failing Spanish, punching a guy in his stupid goddamn face, entering the GOP presidential race, or training your children to use a touchscreen in the hopes that they too can some day be a Tucker Hope.
Do whatever you want on Tuesday, but tune in on Friday at 10/9 c to watch a new episode of Onion News Network. And you’ll want to see Friday’s episode when FactZone’s lead anchor, Brooke Alvarez, is suspended due to mental breakdown after a new documentary reveals her traumatic past as a child cosmonaut. Not having anyone even remotely qualified to replace Brooke in the anchor’s chair, the network is forced to replay that morning’s episode of “Today Now.” Jim and Tracy put on fat suits to see how overweight people are really treated, interview a country music star who’s very popular with meth heads, and meet a cancer-sniffing dog
Here’s a classic, yet still timely news story to tide you over until Friday Nov. 11:
New episodes of the “Onion News Network” air on Fridays at 10/9 c