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The top 10 ways villains kill you in horror movies

The top 10 ways villains kill you in horror movies (photo)

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It’s Halloween time again, which means it’s time to dust off your collection of horror movies and get ready for a deluge of grubby-handed, greedy trick-or-treaters headed to your door. To help prep you for the holiday of fear, we’ve compiled a list of the most popular ways horror movie villains have killed off their poor, unsuspecting victims on screen. Sure, some are a bit more creative than others, but they all have the same terrifying end results. Let’s just say that seeing someone walk around with a machete or chainsaw typically means they’re a friend and not a foe in these types of situations. And, in some horror movies, you aren’t even safe from your television set or unborn baby!


10. Knife
The knife might not be the most original way for villains to off their victims in horror movies, but it certainly is a classic. Whether it’s Norman Bates or Ghost Face, there’s something definitive and terrifying about the knife’s appearances in films. “Psycho” brought the term “slasher genre” to a whole new level back in 1960, and 1978’s “Halloween” kicked off a whole new line of imitators when the knife became Michael Myers’ weapon of choice. Those films also became the inspiration for 1996’s “Scream,” which explains why the Ghost Face Killer has done some terrible things with the bladed weaponry.


9. Axe
It might not be as subtle as the knife, has certainly seen its fair share of screen time. There are few things more terrifying that someone trying to chop down the bathroom door with an axe while screaming, “Here’s Johnny!” Who exactly was “Johnny”? Maybe it was the name Jack Torrance gave to his axe after they became so close when they tried to kill Jack’s wife and son. It can be agreed that the 1980 film “The Shining” wouldn’t be quite the classic it is without that iconic scene. Unfortunately the recreation of that scene in 2006’s “Hatchet” didn’t work out as well for baddie Victor Crowley. Let’s just say there’s a good reason the deformed Louisiana native made an axe his murdering tool of choice in that flick.


8. Machete
There’s something about the machete that is intricately connected to the horror film franchise. Fans can largely thank Jason Voorhees for making the machete the staple of Halloween costumes depicting villains every year. The machete became the weapon of choice for the undead villain of the “Friday the 13th” franchise, though his hockey mask ended up becoming his iconic accessory. The machete also popped up in 2007’s “Hostel: Part II,” although its moment of glory got overshadowed by a scalp-tearing saw and some Italians with cannibalistic tendencies.


7. Chain Saw
Appropriately, the killers who have become best associated with the chain saw as a weapon are the cannibalistic family in 1974’s “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.” The chain saw isn’t a particularly subtle or sneaky weapon, but Leatherface certainly made good use of it when he came upon a group of teenagers who want to visit their old family homestead. I guess there’s a lesson there in not getting too in touch with your family’s heritage when that heritage is in the middle of nowhere in middle America. And while Patrick Bateman might be holding a butcher’s knife on the poster for 2000’s “American Psycho,” it’s really his violent murder of unsuspecting blonde model Jean with a chain saw that is his most iconic — and traumatizing — kill. But that could be as much because he is naked and covered in blood in the scene as it is because he manages to drop a chain saw on her from the top of a set of stairs and kill her with it.


6. Infection
There are few more effective means of mass destruction and chaos in horror movies than by spreading death through infection. Whether it be a flesh-eating virus like in 2002’s “Cabin Fever” or the zombie apocalypse in 1968’s “Night of the Living Dead” and 2002’s “28 Days Later” (or just about any other zombie movie ever made), infection is a pretty effective way of getting the job done. Of course, it’s rarely a calculated decision to infect the population and cause mass murders, but in some movies like 2006’s “V for Vendetta” the spread of infection actually is pre-planned. Take Joss Whedon’s 2005 flick “Serenity,” which revealed that a whole race of terrifying, murdering monsters were originally humans who were infected by a calming agent put into their air source by their own government. The possibilities are terrifying.


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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon.

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number!

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time.

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by.

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo.

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim.

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t?

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?”

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud.

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.