DID YOU READ

Onion News Network: President’s Approval Rating Soars After Punching Wall Street Banker in Face

Onion News Network: President’s Approval Rating Soars After Punching Wall Street Banker in Face (photo)

Posted by on

Early Polls Indicate 44% of Respondents Saying “It’s about damn time,” and 32% Wishing For A Kick Instead of Punch

NEW YORK, NY (October 12, 2011) – Apparently seeking to ride the wave of popular anger being expressed by the growing “Occupy Wall Street” movement, today President Obama punched an investment banker in the face.

The punch occurred during a White House meet-and-greet around noon. After a brief speech on tax reform, President Obama called investment banker Ron Milner to the podium and then, without provocation or warning, delivered what witnesses describe as a “haymaker” punch to Mr. Milner’s jaw. “That’s for ruining the economy, asshole,” Mr. Obama remarked, then spit at Mr. Milner’s feet and walked away.

Early polls indicate the President’s punch is receiving widespread voter approval, with 44% of respondents telling survey-takers “It’s about damn time one of those rich pricks got their teeth knocked in” and another 32% saying they wished Obama had kicked Mr. Milner in addition to punching him.

On-the-street interviews with “Occupy Wall Street” protestors also indicate broad support for Obama’s action. “I personally do not condone violence of any kind, but come on, you gotta admit that was pretty sweet,” activist Louis Cartwright, 32, told Onion News Network reporters. “Obama was all like ‘Bam!’ and that dickhead banker was like ‘No, not my perfect face!’ I mean, I would prefer to see Obama push for financial regulatory reform, but that was still pretty awesome.”

The banker punch may have also been a boon for President Obama’s efforts to pass his American Jobs Act. When asked if he still opposed the bill this afternoon, a visibly nervous Republican house majority leader Eric Cantor said, “No no no. I’ll pass whatever the President wants. P-p-please don’t let him hurt me.”

Onion News Network has the story:

video player loading . . .

For more breaking news, tune-in Follow @ONN, @BrookeAlvarez, and @IFCtv on Twitter and use the #OnionNewsNetwork hashtag.

“Onion News Network” airs on IFC on Tuesdays at 10/9 c

Watch More
Brockmire-103-banner-4

Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

Posted by on

He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

Watch More
Brockmire_101_tout_2

Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

Posted by on
GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

Watch More
Brockmire-Sam-Adams-great-effing-beer

Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

Posted by on

From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

via GIPHY

It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

Watch More
Powered by ZergNet