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Five Australian Horror Movies to Watch

Five Australian Horror Movies to Watch (photo)

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While the Australian tourist board would tout the country’s lush landscapes, natural rock formations, unique animal life and the fact that Crocodile Dundee is not actually a real person, we’re here to tell you: Don’t go to Australia. Or if you do go, stick to the cities. There are just too many horror movies made in the island nation’s desolate outback. For example, “Primal,” which airs tonight at 10:30 p.m. ET, starts out with some nice people going camping and then ends with death and destruction. With that many scary films being made there, some of them have to be true, right?

Here are five Australian horror movies to watch from the comfort of your couch:

1. “Razorback”: A gigantic wild boar terrorized the Australian outback, leaving trail of death, dismemberment and disemboweling in his wake.

2. “Primal”: A group of friends venture into the wilds of Australia to study an ancient rock painting, and comes face to face with an ancient evil when one of them experiences a terrifying transformation.

3. “Wolf Creek”: Three backpackers find themselves held captive by a serial killer in the Australian outback.

4. “Rogue”: A group of tourists in Australia fall prey to a giant, man-eating crocodile. It’s the scariest croc film this side of Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course.

5. “Dying Breed”
: The Tasmanian Tiger seems to have gone become extinct, but an ambitious zoologist is determined to find out. However her expedition will fall prey to a species with a savage appetite, and a murderous motivation to keep their bloodline strong, but it’s no tiger, it’s the Pieman’s legacy.

“Primal” airs tonight at 10:30 p.m. ET, Wednesday, Oct. 26 at 1:30 a.m. ET and
Saturday, Nov. 5 at 8:05 p.m. ET

Underworld

Under Your Spell

10 Otherworldly Romances That’ll Melt Your Heart

Spend Valentine's Day weekend with IFC's Underworld movie marathon.

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Photo Credit: Screen Gems/courtesy Everett Collection

Romance takes many forms, and that is especially true when you have a thirst for blood or laser beams coming out of your eyes.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a werewolf, a superhero, a clone, a time-traveler, or a vampire, love is the one thing that infects us all.  Read on to find out why Romeo and Juliet have nothing on these supernatural star-crossed lovers, and be sure to catch IFC’s Underworld movie marathon this Valentine’s Day weekend.

1. Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine, X-Men series

The X-Men franchise is rife with romance, but the steamiest “ménage à mutant” may just be the one between Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Cyclops (James Marsden), and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). Their triangle is a complicated one as Jean finds herself torn between the two very different men while also trying to control her darker side, the Phoenix. This leads to Jean killing Cyclops and eventually getting stabbed through her heart by Wolverine in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yikes!  Maybe they should change the name to Ex-Men instead?


2. Willow/Tara, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon gave audiences some great romances on Buffy the Vampire Slayer — including the central triangle of Buffy, Angel, and Spike — but it was the love between witches Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) that broke new ground for its sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a LGBT relationship.

Willow is smart and confident and isn’t even sure of her sexuality when she first meets Tara at college in a Wiccan campus group. As the two begin experimenting with spells, they realize they’re also falling for one another and become the show’s most enduring, happy couple. At least until Tara’s death in season six, a moment that still brings on the feels.


3. Selene/Michael, Underworld series

The Twilight gang pales in comparison (both literally and metaphorically) to the Lycans and Vampires of the stylish Underworld franchise. If you’re looking for an epic vampire/werewolf romance set amidst an epic vampire/werewolf war, Underworld handily delivers in the form of leather catsuited Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and shaggy blonde hunk Michael (a post-Felicity Scott Speedman). As they work together to stop the Vampire/Lycan war, they give into their passions while also kicking butt in skintight leather. Love at first bite indeed.


4. Spider-man/Mary Jane Watson, Spider-man

After rushing to the aid of beautiful girl-next-door Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), the Amazing Spider-man is rewarded with an upside-down kiss that is still one of the most romantic moments in comic book movie history. For Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), the shy, lovable dork beneath the mask, his rain-soaked makeout session is the culmination of years of unrequited love and one very powerful spider bite. As the films progress, Peter tries pushing MJ away in an attempt to protect her from his enemies, but their web of love is just too powerful. And you know, with great power, comes great responsibility.


5. Molly/Sam, Ghost

When it comes to supernatural romance, you really can’t beat Molly and Sam from the 1990 hit film Ghost. Demi Moore goes crazy for Swayze like the rest of us, and the pair make pottery sexier than it’s ever been.

When Sam is murdered, he’s forced to communicate through con artist turned real psychic, Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg in her Academy Award-winning role) to warn Molly she is still in danger from his co-worker, Carl (a pre-Scandal Tony Goldwyn). Molly doesn’t believe Oda is telling the truth, so Sam proves it by sliding a penny up the wall and then possessing Oda so he and Molly can share one last romantic dance together (but not the dirty kind). We’d pay a penny for a dance with Patrick Swayze ANY day.


6. Cosima/Delphine, Orphan Black

It stands to reason there would be at least one complicated romance on a show about clones, and none more complicated than the one between clone Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) and Dr. Delphine Cormier (Evelyne Brochu) on BBC America’s hit drama Orphan Black.

Cosima is a PhD student focusing on evolutionary developmental biology at the University of Minnesota when she meets Delphine, a research associate from the nefarious Dyad Institute, posing as a fellow immunology student. The two fall in love, but their happiness is brief once Dyad and the other members of Clone Club get involved. Here’s hoping Cosima finds love in season four of Orphan Black. Girlfriend could use a break.


7. Aragorn/Arwen, Lord of the Rings

On a picturesque bridge in Rivendell amidst some stellar mood-lighting and dreamy Elvish language with English subtitles for us non-Middle Earthlings, Arwen (Liv Tyler) and Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) bind their souls to one another, pledging to love each other no matter what befalls them.

Their courtship is a matter of contention with Arwen’s father, Elrond (Hugo Weaving), who doesn’t wish to see his daughter suffer over Aragorn’s future death. The two marry after the conclusion of the War of the Ring, with Aragorn assuming his throne as King of Gondor, and Arwen forgoing her immortality to become his Queen. Is it too much to assume they asked Frodo to be their wedding ring-bearer?


8. Lafayette/Jesus, True Blood

True Blood quickly became the go-to show for supernatural sex scenes featuring future Magic Mike strippers (Joe Manganiello) and pale Nordic men with washboard abs (Hi Alexander Skarsgård!), but honestly, there was a little something for everyone, including fan favorite Bon Temps medium, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis).

In season three, Lafayette met his mother’s nurse, Jesus, and the two began a relationship. As they spend more time together and start doing V (short for Vampire Blood), they learn Jesus is descended from a long line of witches and that Lafayette himself has magical abilities. However, supernatural love is anything but simple, and after the pair join a coven, Lafayette becomes possessed by the dead spirit of its former leader. This relationship certainly puts a whole new spin on possessive love.


9. Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter series

There are lots of sad characters in the Harry Potter series, but Remus Lupin ranks among the saddest. He was bitten by a werewolf as a child, his best friend was murdered and his other best friend was wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban for it, then THAT best friend was killed by a Death Eater at the Ministry of Magic as Remus looked on. So when Lupin unexpectedly found himself in love with badass Auror and Metamorphmagus Nymphadora Tonks (she prefers to be called by her surname ONLY, thank you very much), pretty much everyone, including Lupin himself, was both elated and cautiously hopeful about their romance and eventual marriage.

Sadly, the pair met a tragic ending when both were killed by Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts, leaving their son, Teddy, orphaned much like his godfather Harry Potter. Accio hankies!


10. The Doctor/Rose Tyler, Doctor Who

Speaking of wolves, Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler (Billie Piper) captured the Doctor’s hearts from the moment he told her to “Run!” in the very first episode of the re-booted Doctor Who series. Their affection for one another grew steadily deeper during their travels in the TARDIS, whether they were stuck in 1950s London, facing down pure evil in the Satan Pit, or battling Cybermen.

But their relationship took a tragic turn during the season two finale episode, “Doomsday,” when the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose found themselves separated in parallel universes with no way of being reunited (lest two universes collapse as a result of a paradox). A sobbing Rose told a holographic transmission of the Doctor she loved him, but before he could reply, the transmission cut out, leaving our beloved Time Lord (and most of the audience) with a tear-stained face and two broken hearts all alone in the TARDIS.

Boo! The Onion News Network’s Shelby Cross Exposes the Halloween Threat

Boo! The Onion News Network’s Shelby Cross Exposes the Halloween Threat (photo)

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Halloween is just around the corner and kids across the nation are clamoring for costumes and a chance to go door-to-door collecting candy. While normally as a rational society we shy away from letting our kids talk to strangers with candy, for some reason when it comes to Halloween trick-or-treating we collectively lose our senses and send our young impressionable children to ring the doorbells of creeps carrying sweets. What are we thinking? Halloween is pedophile Christmas, after all. Want to keep your kids (and some of the lucky neighborhood kids) safe this Halloween? Onion News Network reporter Shelby Cross has a few helpful tips:

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The Onion News Network airs tonight at 10/9c

What to Watch on IFC: October 24 – 30

What to Watch on IFC: October 24 – 30 (photo)

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It’s not Halloween yet, but we want to get you in the mood for a ghoulish good time by spending the week scaring the tuna salad out of you. With only a week left until the big day we are cramming in the creeps to maximize the remaining days of Indie Screams.

Here’s what to watch this week on IFC:

Monday

Kathryn Bigelow won an Oscar for her tense wartime drama “The Hurt Locker,” but her “Near Dark” is almost as tense. Catch it tonight at 8 p.m. ET and judge for yourself: Are vampires or IEDs scarier?

Tuesday

In a dramatic and tear-jerking new episode of the Onion News Network we bid farewell to one of our favorite journalists heroes. FactZone says goodbye to legendary newsman, Brandon Armstrong, who was killed in a brothel fire. Bid farewell to the man and the legend tonight at 10/9 c.

Wednesday

Watch George C. Scott in “The Changeling” at 3:45 p.m. ET. Or don’t if you’re a lily-livered candy ass who cries for his mommy when he sees his shadow on a sunny day.

Thursday

Ever wonder what would happen if the inevitable zombie apocalypse happened on the set of the Big Brother reality show? Find out when you spend the night locked in the house with “Dead Set.” The undead will walk at 8 p.m. ET.

Friday


Texas. Chainsaw. Massacre.
Do you really need to know anything else to know that you will be so scared of Texas you won’t even go to SXSW? It starts at 9 p.m. ET.

Saturday

After a long week of all work and no play, we’re helping you relax (hahahahahahaha) by showing “The Shining” at 8 p.m. ET. If you start chanting, “REDRUM. REDRUM. REDRUM,” right now you’ll be ready.

Sunday

A notorious Hollywood bad boy (Nip/Tuck’s Julian McMahon) is captured by a mysterious Jailer (Elias Koteas) while scouting a decrepit, abandoned prison for an upcoming film in the unforgiving thriller “Prisoner.” It starts at 7 p.m. ET.

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