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The top 10 badass line deliveries by movie ladies

The top 10 badass line deliveries by movie ladies (photo)

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Even the best-choreographed beat-down scene in a film can benefit from a one-two-punch of witty dialogue right before the fists start flying. A few actors try to make these scenes work in theaters every summer, but even the best leading men in Hollywood don’t have to wear heels when they rumble.

Today, we salute the women who make armies run away, dish smack-talk right back at barroom bullies and wield heavy, bullet-loaded machinery with finesse. They stand up for their countries, their friends and even the human race. For that, we thank them and rank them as both brawlers and eloquent speakers.

(Note: we tried to find video clips of the quotes in question for as many of these as possible, but a couple weren’t available. In those cases, a trailer was substituted.)

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10. Milla Jovovich in “The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc” (1999)

Jovovich can be a one-woman Special Forces unit when she needs to be in a role, but her speech in front of the British army in “The Messenger” is brilliant because you can tell that Joan of Arc is scared out of her gauntlets to be riding up to speak to the enemy…and she does it anyway.

“I’ve seen enough blood,” she says. “But if you want more, I can’t stop you. I can only warn you that it will be your blood, not ours.” If you know your history or this film, you know what the British decided to do.


9. Angelina Jolie in “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider” (2001)
Jolie is an evergreen pick for any list of leading ladies capable of dishing out hard fists and well-placed bullets. “Tomb Raider” gave her some memorable lines, as well as a killer accent, though, particularly when she verbally jousts with her charismatic competitor, Manfred Powell (Iain Glen).

Giving away her entire plan, she asks him, “Why would I try and cheat you out of anything, now? I need you to get the piece so I can steal it from you later.”


8. Hilary Swank in “Million Dollar Baby” (2004)
Swank deservedly received an Oscar for her performance as Maggie Fitzgerald, floating around the boxing ring and letting her fists fly. She’s at her finest talking back to her character’s mother (Margo Martindale), though. After winning enough money to buy her old lady a house, the ungrateful woman still resents Maggie.

Maggie lays down the law to her, however, and says, “Momma, you take Mardell and JD and get home ‘fore I tell that lawyer there that you were so worried about your welfare you never signed those house papers like you were supposed to. So anytime I feel like it I can sell that house from under your fat, lazy, hillbilly ass.”


7. Carrie-Ann Moss in “The Matrix” (1999)
Neo never would have been anything if it weren’t for Trinity (Moss) showing him the ropes in The Matrix. She pulled of some wicked stunts in her shades and boots, but she really shines when Neo find himself on the wrong side of a gun, opposite an Agent.

Trinity pulls out her own gun with simple “Dodge this!” to warn the guy about the shot she’s about to send through his head.


6. Natalie Portman in “Leon: The Professional” (1994)
Portman seemed destined for greatness after playing 12-year-old Mathilda alongside Jean Reno. The girl seems understandably vulnerable after her parents are killed, but her rage starts to show when she asks Leon (Reno) to teach her “how to clean.” She tells him straight up what she wants when she asks him, “How much would it cost to hire someone to get those dirtbags who killed my brother?


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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

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It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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