DID YOU READ

Ten celebrity Twitterers who don’t quite grasp the medium

Ten celebrity Twitterers who don’t quite grasp the medium (photo)

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Twitter is a magical land where the touch of an icon on your iPhone can reveal pictures of Tom Hanks checking out a new filming location or what Lindsay Lohan ate for breakfast. Celebrities are just like everyone else in the world, learning how social media works and how to make it work for them.

Over the last few years, however, not everyone has found success. Some famous faces have struggled to figure out what Twitter actually is. A few have abandoned their accounts entirely, and at least one has even lost a job because of it. On a scale of 10 down to an automated telephone answering machine, here is a list of celebrities whose accounts could use a little work.


gilbertgottfried.jpg10. Gilbert Gottfried (@RealGilbert)
Gilbert Gottfried is one of the most prolific comedians on Twitter, and if you’re one of his followers you probably don’t have a problem with his sense of humor — after all, you decided to follow the guy who once killed a room with a 9/11 joke and recovered by transitioning into an Aristocrats joke.

Gottfried ran into a problem, however, when he tweeted in jest about the Japanese tsunami and wound up losing his gig as the voice of the Aflac duck. Your boss cares what you post publicly on your social media accounts, and in this case, so did his.


piercebrosnan.jpg9. Pierce Brosnan (@piercebrosnan)
Granted, this account is not capital-V Verified, so we can’t be 100-percent sure that Pierce Brosnan was behind these two lonely posts from 2009 and 2010 that managed to make it out into the Twittersphere.

Twitter isn’t for everyone, so we don’t hold anything against him if he had more important things to do. Still, he promised to let us known how the Paul McCartney concert went two years ago and has yet to follow up with a review. Alas, we may never know.


sidneypoitier.jpg8. Sidney Poitier (@sidneypoitier)
Sidney Poitier is an Oscar-winning legend, so he can do whatever he wants, whether that involves Twitter or not. Nevertheless, like Brosnan, his account is neither Verified nor well maintained.

Assuming Poitier actually did start the account in 2009, though, the one post he did write is pretty hilarious. In it, he announces that he is on Twitter and tried to put that into perspective. Apparently he’s still there!


lilwayne.jpg7. Lil Wayne (@liltunechi)
Weezy never worries about wasting his limited Twitter characters on words when they can be better allotted for exclamation points. A seven-exclamation-point party, for instance, is presumably a more positive experience than a mere five-exclamation-point party.

You can’t knock the guy for his enthusiasm. We just hope that Stevie Wonder didn’t feel slighted for getting fewer punctuation marks than Jamal Crawford.


britneyspears.jpg6. Britney Spears (@britneyspears)
For starters, whoever wrote Brtiney Spears’ profile on Twitter needs to learn about comma and capitalization standards. Instead of quoting the introduction to her song “Gimme More,” where the star announces, “It’s Britney, bitch,” her profile seems to introduce Spears’ alter-ego “Britney Bitch.”

Spears doesn’t come off as bitchy at all on her account, though. In fact, it’s pretty much just a litany of “Thx” messages, sugar-coated love and promotional linking. And you know what? Generic, mass-produced positivity isn’t the worst thing in the world. So we’ll keep her back here in the bottom five.


williamshatner.jpg5. William Shatner (@williamshatner)
Have you ever had to explain to a parent or grandparent that it’s not always necessary to include a greeting or closing with the text messages they send from their cellphone. The former captain of the USS Enterprise is the Twitter incarnation of that situation.

While, his customary ending, “My best, Bill,” does add a wholesome, grandfatherly naïveté to the end of almost every one of his personal tweets, it also handicaps him with only 126 characters left (instead of the customary 140) for relaying his profound insights.


kelseygrammer.jpg4. Kelsey Grammer (@Kelsey_Grammer)
To his credit, Kelsey Grammer gave Twitter a much more spirited try than Brosnan appeared to. His unique follower engagement strategy, however, involved directing people to his very own Kelsey Grammer-branded network on KelseyLive.com.

The site doesn’t seem to be in operation any longer. Before Grammer went Twitter silent at the end of 2010, though, his trademark post was a response to fans asking him to follow them. Apparently, in order to earn Grammer’s follow, tweeters needed to follow his “tech guy” and then join a group on Kelsey Live.

Why can’t the Internet always be this simple?


tylerperry.jpg3. Tyler Perry (@tylerperry)
Sometimes when you follow a Verified celebrity Twitter feed, you get a charming, conversational voice on the other end that shares wacky YouTube links with you and lets little details slip about a project that they’re currently working on.

Then, there are accounts like the one belonging to Madea franchise founder Tyler Perry. It’s pretty much just an endless string of form posts directing you to go to his website and subscribe to his email newsletter–and we all know that email newsletters are the future of audience engagement.


faithhill.jpg2. Faith Hill (@faithhill)
If you’re already following Faith Hill on Facebook, you shouldn’t have much need for a Twitter feed full of cut-off auto-reposted headlines and Facebook links. Sometimes following a marketing representative with Verified power to represent someone you like is almost as good as actually receiving communication from them, but you won’t find a lot of excitement or passion in these half-sentences and repeated calls to enter contests and buy things on iTunes.


tomcruise.jpg1. Tom Cruise (@TomCruise)
Tom Cruise’s account is at least up front about the fact that even though it’s Verified, you’re not actually following Cruise himself–you’re following the official “TomCruise.com team.” It’s basically like following Steve Jobs and instead receiving tweets from Apple Store retail team members.

However, if you need to find a Twitter account that lets you know when anniversary Blu-ray editions of Cruise films become available, this is truly the account that you’ve been looking for.


Which celebrity Twitter accounts have left you unfulfilled? Let us know below or on Twitter or Facebook.

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon.

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number!

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time.

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by.

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo.

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim.

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t?

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?”

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud.

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.