DID YOU READ

Winging through “Airplane!” on Blu-ray with Robert Hays

Winging through “Airplane!” on Blu-ray with Robert Hays (photo)

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One of the greatest movies of all-time is coming out on Blu-ray. What is it? It’s a polycarbonate disc that contains the digital files of a movie, but that’s not important right now.

What is important is the classic comedy “Airplane!” available on Blu-ray for the first time. To celebrate the occasion, we spoke with “Airplane!” star Robert Hays — Ted Striker himself — about working with writer/directors David and Jerry Zucker and Jim Abrahams, battling the late Leslie Nielsen’s infamous fart machine, and trying not to freak people out when they recognize him on airplanes. Disengage your autopilot, put down your copy of “Famous Jewish Sports Legends,” and enjoy.

How did you get the part? Did you audition?

Yeah, I did. My agency had a new agent and she had just come into the office. She called [“Airplane!” producer] Howard Koch, who she used to work with. They’d been all over the country having auditions, looking for Ted Striker, and they couldn’t find him. She called them up and said, “Hey, I’ve got your Ted Striker for you!”

They sent over a script; I actually read it on an airplane. Every single page had something on it that made me laugh. I met with them the next week and really liked them, they liked me. Then I read for them, and they liked my reading, and then I screen tested with Julie [Hagerty]. They really liked us and that was it.

I don’t know if people realize “Airplane!” is actually a very faithful — albeit much sillier — remake of a ’50s disaster movie called “Zero Hour!” The lead character is even named Ted Stryker. Did you watch that movie or study its Ted, Dana Andrews, before you played the part?

I didn’t really see it until after we’d made the film, but [the directors] had it queued up in their little trailer or their little hut if we were shooting on a soundstage. They had a video feed from the cameras, and the monitor was taped off so they could see just what was going to be on the film. So they would set it up so they could get the same angle and the same lighting for certain scenes.

They were that focused on it looking authentic?

Well, just in certain things — the lighting and the camera angles. But they didn’t want me to see Dana Andrews, they didn’t want me mimicking him. Which is good; I wanted to have my own character. I just did it really seriously and really straight. That was one of the important ingredients of doing the film.

Did each of the three directors have their own responsibilities or did they all do everything?

They would all confer and then Jerry [Zucker] would speak to us. David [Zucker] and Jim [Abrahams] watched the monitor. Sometimes they would all talk, but usually it was just Jerry talking on the set with the crew and the actors.

Were they always in sync or were there occasionally disagreements over things?

If there were, I never saw them. It was like three bodies with one brain. They just were so in tune with what they were doing.

I’ve read that Leslie Nielsen liked to play pranks on his co-stars.

He wasn’t known for it at that point, but he had this little fart machine that he would have in his hand. So when I was in the cockpit with him and Laura Patterson and he said “Mr. Striker, can you land this plane?” when we shot my close-up, it was “Mr. Striker, [fart noise] can you [fart noise] land this [fart noise] plane?” Farting the whole time! That was the hardest day to keep a straight face. He was very funny.

I’m sure when people recognize you, they quote lines from the movie. I imagine you hear “Surely you can’t be serious!” a lot, but what’s your favorite line from the movie that you don’t often hear from fans?

Gosh, I don’t know. One time I was racing cars, and I flew to a track north of San Francisco, in Sonoma. I got to the airport, landed, and went to get my car. The girl behind the counter says “Are you Robert Hays? You were in ‘Airplane!”” And I said “Yup.” And she said “Oh my God, I love that film! My favorite scene was…” And I’m expecting the dance scene or “Surely…” or one of those. And she said “It’s when all the people come down the baggage claim chute and the luggage is sitting there waiting for them.” I said “Oh good!” but I’m thinking, “Gosh, what a strange choice.” So she went to the back to look for my paperwork and I turned around and leaned on the counter. I look over and I realize, that’s what she looks at all day long: the conveyor belt with all the luggage! So it all depends on who it is that you’re talking to.

Do people see you on airplanes and get nervous?

[laughs] Soon after the film came out I was in New York. And I was at the airport getting ready to get on a plane and they had this little waiting room that you went into, and then after it was filled they’d wheel the room over, and that’s how you got in the plane. And when I first got there, there was only one other guy in there, and he was all dressed in black, very dramatic, with a long cape. He had a big sombrero-like black hat. He looked very fashionable, like he was some designer or something. He leaned against the opposite wall and stared at me. He never said anything until the entire room was filled, and then he very dramatically pointed his finger at me and said “I’m not getting onto any plane with that man!”

I used to get invited up into the cockpit in all the foreign carriers. On U.S. carriers it’s illegal, but in foreign ones you can go in the cockpit. All over Europe and Australia, everywhere, they’d invite me up and it was a lot of fun. And in American planes, pilots would come back and kneel down and whisper something to me like “If I need some help will you come up and land the plane?”

Of course all the problems in “Airplane!” started when the pilots eat some tainted fish. Would you ever eat fish on an airplane?

My own private, personal little joke is that ever since the movie, I’ve never had fish on a plane. It’s 31 years now. And I love fish.

There’s one thing that’s always bugged me about the movie. In the flashback scene where Ted meets Elaine, there’s a scene that spoofs “Saturday Night Fever” where you dance to “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees. For some reason, the song is played at a faster speed than it should be. This has bothered me for years: why play the song at the wrong speed?

I don’t know. It might be just because it’s funnier.

“Airplane!” will be available on Blu-ray Sunday, September 25 as a Best Buy Exclusive. What’s your favorite line from the movie? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection (and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
Godfather-BIG

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
Coolio-Wonka

Billy Elliot

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
Missy-Billy-Elliott

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
Robin-Hood-and-Lil-Jon

And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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GIFs by Giphy

“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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GIFs via Giphy

The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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