DID YOU READ

Jason Statham’s YouTube Greatest Hits

Jason Statham’s YouTube Greatest Hits (photo)

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This is what I love about “Killer Elite.” If you’d never seen a poster or a trailer for this movie, and I came up to you and asked you to guess the movie’s star based on title alone, you would say Jason Statham. Who else could it be? A few years ago, maybe The Rock, but that was before he started working almost exclusively in kiddie pics. These days, Statham is literally Hollywood’s killer elite.

His movies may not be particularly surprising, but they are reliable. We count on him to deliver the action goods, and if you read my “Killer Elite” review earlier today, you know he’s done it again. To honor your favorite balding badass and mine, we’ve compiled a few of his finest moments that have turned up on YouTube. True, we weren’t able an embeddable version of his “Crank 2” Godzilla fight. But he’s Statham; there’s plenty more where that came from.

The Transp-oil-rter
From “The Transporter” (2002)
Directed by Corey Yuen

Almost a decade later, this may still be Jason Statham’s best movie fight. It’s certainly the most clever and the most hilariously homoerotic (although this rumble-slash-striptease from “Transporter 3” comes close on both counts). It’s the Tao of Statham: when life gives you motor oil, make yourself a pair of skates using bike pedals and kick people with them. I’m not entirely sure how the bike pedals actually keep professional transporter Frank Martin from slipping. I just chalk it up to Statham’s near-supernatural powers in action movies. Some dudes can walk on water; Statham can skate on oil.


The Statham Kill Count
From “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” (2006)
Directed by Uwe Boll

Remember that scene in “Hot Shots! Part Deux” where the movie starts counting Topper Harley’s dozens of kills? That’s basically the idea behind this YouTube clip, only it’s not a joke — well, I guess the clip is still a joke, but the movie isn’t. All right so the movie — yet another of Uwe Boll’s disastrous video game adaptations — is sort of a joke too, but at least Jason Statham’s performance isn’t. Indeed in the midst of a cinematic disaster that would claim most of his co-stars (poor Ray Liotta!), Statham rose above. 60 murders in 127 minutes! That’s impressive.


“This, lads, is a hurley.”
From “Blitz” (2011)
Directed by Elliott Lester

Statham’s Detective Sergeant Tom Brant is introduced in “Blitz” spotting a carjacking in process from his flat window. He grabs a wooden stick and heads downstairs to break it up. Now I would have assumed the stick he uses to beat up the thieves was a field hockey stick, but Statham clears that misconception up for us. “This, lads,” he says by way of an introduction, “is a hurley, used in the Irish game of hurling. Cross between hockey and murder.” According to the rules, players use their hurleys to hit a ball called a silotar into an opponent’s goal; or, according to Jason Statham, players use their hurley and disable as many carjackers as they can before the opening credits. Either way, I never would have known about hurley without learning it in “Blitz. See that? Jason Statham movies: educational.


Jason Statham Hates Basketball (In German)
From “The Expendables” (2010)
Directed by Sylvester Stallone

More Statham with sports equipment! A meme is forming before our very eyes. In general, Sylvester Stallone’s “The Expendables” did not live up to the hype as the ultimate action movie (it also didn’t live up to its name as a movie about expendable people, but that’s a conversation for another time). The clear highlight amongst the crew was, of course, Statham, who had a memorable moment sniping guys from the nose of a low-flying airplane and this great fight scene on a basketball court, where our man enunciates an emasculating beatdown by metaphorically deflating a woman beater’s balls. I can’t wait to see “The Expendables 2” where Statham completes his sports equipment brawl trilogy by tossing a man through the air with a jai alai xistera. Why include the clip in German? Why not. Does the dialogue even matter?


Topless Pull-ups
From “Death Race” (2008)
Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Jason Statham’s back muscles scare me. I’m pretty sure he had a few of them implanted, because I don’t think my body has half those things. They look like a bunch of prehensile tumors, like something out of a David Cronenberg movie. That back could beat any man’s front.


What’s your favorite Jason Statham movie? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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Bro and Tell

BFFs And Night Court For Sports

Bromance and Comeuppance On Two New Comedy Crib Series

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“Silicon Valley meets Girls meets black male educators with lots of unrealized potential.”

That’s how Carl Foreman Jr. and Anthony Gaskins categorize their new series Frank and Lamar which joins Joe Schiappa’s Sport Court in the latest wave of new series available now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. To better acquaint you with the newbies, we went right to the creators for their candid POVs. And they did not disappoint. Here are snippets of their interviews:

Frank and Lamar

via GIPHY

IFC: How would you describe Frank and Lamar to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?
Carl: Best bros from college live and work together teaching at a fancy Manhattan private school, valiantly trying to transition into a more mature phase of personal and professional life while clinging to their boyish ways.

IFC: And to a friend of a friend you met in a bar?
Carl: The same way, slightly less coherent.

Anthony: I’d probably speak about it with much louder volume, due to the bar which would probably be playing the new Kendrick Lamar album. I might also include additional jokes about Carl, or unrelated political tangents.

Carl: He really delights in randomly slandering me for no reason. I get him back though. Our rapport on the page, screen, and in real life, comes out of a lot of that back and forth.

IFC: In what way is Frank and Lamar a poignant series for this moment in time?
Carl: It tells a story I feel most people aren’t familiar with, having young black males teach in a very affluent white world, while never making it expressly about that either. Then in tackling their personal lives, we see these three-dimensional guys navigate a pivotal moment in time from a perspective I feel mainstream audiences tend not to see portrayed.

Anthony: I feel like Frank and Lamar continues to push the envelope within the genre by presenting interesting and non stereotypical content about people of color. The fact that this show brought together so many talented creative people, from the cast and crew to the producers, who believe in the project, makes the work that much more intentional and truthful. I also think it’s pretty incredible that we got to employ many of our friends!

Sport Court

Sport Court gavel

IFC: How would you describe Sport Court to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?
Joe: SPORT COURT follows Judge David Linda, a circuit court judge assigned to handle an ad hoc courtroom put together to prosecute rowdy fan behavior in the basement of the Hartford Ultradome. Think an updated Night Court.

IFC: How would you describe Sport Court to drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?
Joe: Remember when you put those firecrackers down that guy’s pants at the baseball game? It’s about a judge who works in a court in the stadium that puts you in jail right then and there. I know, you actually did spend the night in jail, but imagine you went to court right that second and didn’t have to get your brother to take off work from GameStop to take you to your hearing.

IFC: Is there a method to your madness when coming up with sports fan faux pas?
Joe: I just think of the worst things that would ruin a sporting event for everyone. Peeing in the slushy machine in open view of a crowd seemed like a good one.

IFC: Honestly now, how many of the fan transgressions are things you’ve done or thought about doing?
Joe: I’ve thought about ripping out a whole row of chairs at a theater or stadium, so I would have my own private space. I like to think of that really whenever I have to sit crammed next to lots of people. Imagine the leg room!

Check out the full seasons of Frank and Lamar and Sport Court now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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