Jason Statham’s YouTube Greatest Hits

Jason Statham’s YouTube Greatest Hits (photo)

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This is what I love about “Killer Elite.” If you’d never seen a poster or a trailer for this movie, and I came up to you and asked you to guess the movie’s star based on title alone, you would say Jason Statham. Who else could it be? A few years ago, maybe The Rock, but that was before he started working almost exclusively in kiddie pics. These days, Statham is literally Hollywood’s killer elite.

His movies may not be particularly surprising, but they are reliable. We count on him to deliver the action goods, and if you read my “Killer Elite” review earlier today, you know he’s done it again. To honor your favorite balding badass and mine, we’ve compiled a few of his finest moments that have turned up on YouTube. True, we weren’t able an embeddable version of his “Crank 2″ Godzilla fight. But he’s Statham; there’s plenty more where that came from.

The Transp-oil-rter
From “The Transporter” (2002)
Directed by Corey Yuen

Almost a decade later, this may still be Jason Statham’s best movie fight. It’s certainly the most clever and the most hilariously homoerotic (although this rumble-slash-striptease from “Transporter 3″ comes close on both counts). It’s the Tao of Statham: when life gives you motor oil, make yourself a pair of skates using bike pedals and kick people with them. I’m not entirely sure how the bike pedals actually keep professional transporter Frank Martin from slipping. I just chalk it up to Statham’s near-supernatural powers in action movies. Some dudes can walk on water; Statham can skate on oil.

The Statham Kill Count
From “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” (2006)
Directed by Uwe Boll

Remember that scene in “Hot Shots! Part Deux” where the movie starts counting Topper Harley’s dozens of kills? That’s basically the idea behind this YouTube clip, only it’s not a joke — well, I guess the clip is still a joke, but the movie isn’t. All right so the movie — yet another of Uwe Boll’s disastrous video game adaptations — is sort of a joke too, but at least Jason Statham’s performance isn’t. Indeed in the midst of a cinematic disaster that would claim most of his co-stars (poor Ray Liotta!), Statham rose above. 60 murders in 127 minutes! That’s impressive.

“This, lads, is a hurley.”
From “Blitz” (2011)
Directed by Elliott Lester

Statham’s Detective Sergeant Tom Brant is introduced in “Blitz” spotting a carjacking in process from his flat window. He grabs a wooden stick and heads downstairs to break it up. Now I would have assumed the stick he uses to beat up the thieves was a field hockey stick, but Statham clears that misconception up for us. “This, lads,” he says by way of an introduction, “is a hurley, used in the Irish game of hurling. Cross between hockey and murder.” According to the rules, players use their hurleys to hit a ball called a silotar into an opponent’s goal; or, according to Jason Statham, players use their hurley and disable as many carjackers as they can before the opening credits. Either way, I never would have known about hurley without learning it in “Blitz. See that? Jason Statham movies: educational.

Jason Statham Hates Basketball (In German)
From “The Expendables” (2010)
Directed by Sylvester Stallone

More Statham with sports equipment! A meme is forming before our very eyes. In general, Sylvester Stallone’s “The Expendables” did not live up to the hype as the ultimate action movie (it also didn’t live up to its name as a movie about expendable people, but that’s a conversation for another time). The clear highlight amongst the crew was, of course, Statham, who had a memorable moment sniping guys from the nose of a low-flying airplane and this great fight scene on a basketball court, where our man enunciates an emasculating beatdown by metaphorically deflating a woman beater’s balls. I can’t wait to see “The Expendables 2″ where Statham completes his sports equipment brawl trilogy by tossing a man through the air with a jai alai xistera. Why include the clip in German? Why not. Does the dialogue even matter?

Topless Pull-ups
From “Death Race” (2008)
Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Jason Statham’s back muscles scare me. I’m pretty sure he had a few of them implanted, because I don’t think my body has half those things. They look like a bunch of prehensile tumors, like something out of a David Cronenberg movie. That back could beat any man’s front.

What’s your favorite Jason Statham movie? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

That 70s Show Kelso 1920

Kelso's #1 Fan?

How Well Do You Know Kelso? Take Our Quiz!

Catch That '70s Show Mondays and Tuesdays from 6-11P on IFC.

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Kelso’s loveable cluelessness is one of the bedrocks of That ’70s Show. But how much do you really know when it comes to him? Take our quiz below, and be sure to catch That ’70s Show on IFC.



Two for None

Watch Free Episodes of Benders and Gigi Does It Right Now

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The 50th season of Documentary Now! is drawing to a close tonight starting at 10P with the tale of friends, falsettos, and feathered hair, “Gentle & Soft: The Story of the Blue Jean Committee.” After the moving finale, stay tuned for special sneak peeks of your two favorite new shows Benders and Gigi Does It. Or if you can’t wait, you can watch them RIGHT NOW below.

Watch an episode of Benders

Watch an episode of Gigi Does It

Crack open a cold one with a sneak peek of the Benders premiere at 11P —it’s what the hockey loving team members of Uncle Chubbys would do! This band of friends loves drinking beer and playing hockey, but they’re really only good at one of those things.

Then starting at 11:30P, get to know Gigi Does It, the new show starring David Krumholtz as a grandma who gets her groove back. Gertrude Rotblum, a.k.a. “Gigi,” may have lost her beloved husband, but she gained a new lease on life thanks to a secret bank account filled with millions. With her trusty sidekick in tow, Gigi is ready to take on the world, one buzzword, politician, and naked art class at a time.

In addition to YouTube and right here on IFC.com, an episode each of Benders and Gigi Does It can be seen on VOD and TV Everywhere platforms through IFC’s cable partners.

Early looks got you hooked? Then be sure to catch the new seasons of Benders and Gigi Does It when they premiere on IFC starting Thursday, October 1 at 10P and 10:30P, respectively. It’s like Christmas in early October!

Carrie Brownstein Colbert

Carrie Goes Folk

Carrie Brownstein Debuted Her New Somber Folk Song on Colbert

Hear Carrie's new sound.

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Carrie Brownstein stopped by The Late Show last night to talk to Stephen Colbert about Portlandia, Sleater-Kinney and, of course, her new memoir, Hunger Makes Me A Modern Girl, which is in stores now.

While she was waiting in the show’s green room, she announced her new career path as an interpreter of traditional English folk ballads.

After her very somber performance, Carrie sat down with Colbert to discuss whether or not she is “cool.” Oh, Carrie. If you’re not cool, there is zero hope for the rest of us.

Tenacious D Everett 1920

Festival Supreme

Amy Poehler, Kids in the Hall and More Are Heading to Tenacious D’s Festival Supreme 2015

Catch all the fun live in Los Angeles Saturday, October 10th.

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Get ready to get rowdy when Tenacious D’s Festival Supreme returns to Los Angeles for a third face-melting-ly awesome year.

The line-up is a who’s who of comedy and music talent with Amy Poehler, Die Antwoord, Aubrey Plaza, The Darkness, Kristen Schaal, Dan Deacon, Jenny Slate, Andrew W.K., Kyle Mooney, Dan Harmon, Nathan Fielder, and many more all performing. Of course, The D will be doing a mellow jazz set. Just kidding — they’re going to pummel the masses with the force of rock.

If that roster isn’t enough to convince you to go buy tickets right this second, there’s also a Kids In The Hall get-together with cast members Dave Foley, Bruce McCulloch, Kevin McDonald, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson. Oh, and in case one cult comedy reunion wasn’t enough, the original cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 will also be appearing.

The one-day comedy festival will be held on Saturday, October 10th at Los Angeles, California’s Shrine Expo Hall & Grounds. Tickets are $99 (a limited number are available at the discounted price of $75) for the whole day, and are on sale now. Special $250 VIP tickets are also available. Be sure to follow us on Twitter for more updates, and check out the awesome poster below. We’ll see you there!



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