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DID YOU READ

“Rambo” returning to video game consoles

“Rambo” returning to video game consoles (photo)

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Like his “First Blood” theme song says, it’s been a long road for John Rambo: a novel, four movies, two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars for Valor, four Purple Hearts, the Medal of Honor, even a soundtrack featuring the music of Frank Stallone (that must be what the Purple Hearts were for). But none of that compared to the horror of his appearances on video game consoles, particularly in one unforgettably terrible Nintendo game that sucked tens of dollars and hundreds of hours out of the lives of thousands of kids of my generation. I never had to go to Vietnam, thank God. But I had to play the “Rambo” game, which left its own brutal scars on my psyche.

Rambo’s made scattered gaming appearances here or there in the years since, and just last spring I told you about his hilariously violent arcade light gun game that is truly a sight to behold. But he hasn’t relived those dark days on home consoles in over twenty years.

That all changes in 2012, when publisher Reef Entertainment will bring a new Rambo video game to XBox, PS3, and PC. Here’s CEO Peter Rezon, from an announcement on MCV:

“‘With the success of the most recent ‘Rambo’ film, and an international appetite for action movies with ‘Expendables 2′ scheduled for release next summer, we felt now was a good time to do something special with this licence.’

Craig Lewis, commercial director at Reef added: ‘We have big ambitions for Reef and the Rambo IP is the first step in establishing us as a worldwide player. ‘Rambo’ will be a triple-A title on PS3, Xbox 360 and PC and will capture the gritty atmosphere and full-on action which made the Rambo movies so successful.'”

Gritty atmosphere and full-on action are definite musts. So are Dan Hill’s great theme song and authentic Sylvester Stallone grunts. The recent arcade shooter got the gameplay right since, just like in his movies, “Rambo” never ducks or dodges gunfire and barely moves or reloads. He just shoots and shoots and shoots and kills and kills and kills. Then, occasionally, he pauses for a light afternoon snack of blowing people up with explosive tip arrows. It’s a robust experience.

A little bit more story would be nice. I can see Rambo being the perfect star of a less intelligent, more violent riff on “Uncharted”-style action. There shouldn’t be too much story, though: just lots of jungle combat and vehicle chases, with some climbing and hand to hand combat. And, of course, borderline immoral amounts of gun violence.

Look for this new “Rambo” in 2012. As for a tagline, I suggest one inspired by this legendarily demented monologue at the end of “First Blood:” “You just don’t turn it off.”

Psyched for the new “Rambo” game? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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