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Jerry Lewis and Marilyn Monroe did WHAT?!?

Jerry Lewis and Marilyn Monroe did WHAT?!? (photo)

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We don’t usually cover gossipy type stuff on IFC.com. But technically, I don’t think this qualifies as gossip. More like bragging.

Writer Amy Wallace spent eleven hours with legendary comedian and director Jerry Lewis recently, and turned their conversation into an excellent interview in the new issue of GQ. The wide-ranging profile covers the entire scope of Lewis’ life and career: how he came to comedy, why he became a director (Billy Wilder gave him a big push), and what keeps him working at age 85. They also talk about sex, which Lewis was apparently having a lot of back in the day. When pressed about famous Hollywood partners, Lewis first claims he doesn’t want to name names, but I guess when you’ve slept with one of the most beautiful women in recorded history, it’s hard to resist a little self-congratulation.

“In the midst of another story, Lewis is suddenly insistent that Marilyn Monroe and President Kennedy — with whom Lewis was close — never had the affair many believe they had. When I look skeptical, he turns stern. ‘I’m telling you what I know. Never! And the only reason I know is because I did. Okay?’

Wait, what??

He nods, adding that Monroe used sex like he uses humor: to make an emotional connection. ‘She needed that contact to be sure it was real.’

Okay, but what was it like, I ask, to make love to the most famously tragic sexpot of all time?

‘It was…’ he says, taking a beat, ‘long.’ He smiles ruefully. ‘I was crippled for a month.'”

What what whaaaat? The only conceivable reaction to this bombshell is a Jerry Lewis reaction: a spit take, a crazy face, and a high-pitched scream of “FLAVIN MAVIN SCHMAVIN HOT WITH THE NICE LADY WITH THE BIG THINGS AND THE NO GOOD!” Marilyn Monroe and Jerry Lewis? The woman who gave millions of men the seven year itch scratched up against the disorderly orderly? Apparently.

Obviously, Monroe isn’t around to confirm or deny this story. Do I believe it anyway? Yes. And I’ll tell you why. Because I want to believe it. If an attention whore as awkward and goofy as Jerry Lewis — no offense, Jer — can land Marilyn Monroe, it gives hope to all the awkward, goofy attention whores in the world. I just want to know how he managed not to gloat about it for fifty years.

Do you buy Jerry’s story? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

Trump Funny or Die

Art of the Spoof

Watch Johnny Depp, Jack McBrayer, Patton Oswalt and More in Funny or Die’s Donald Trump Biopic

Johnny Depp just got very classy.

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Photo Credit: Funny or Die

We’re barely halfway through February, but this year’s Too Many Cooks Award for the most bizarre comedy project is already a lock. Blindsiding the world with greatness without any warning, Funny or Die released a 50-minute Donald Trump parody starring an unrecognizable Johnny Depp as Donny.

Ron Howard introduces this “lost” 1988 TV movie adaptation of Trump’s how-to manual The Art of the Deal produced with the retro quality of a Wendy’s training video. Along for the big hair and shoulder pads flashback are Patton Oswalt, Alfred Molina, Todd Margaret‘s Jack McBrayer, Andy Richter, Rob Huebel, Jason Mantzoukas, Paul Scheer, and Michaela Watkins as Ivana — as well as many Reagan-era surprises like a cameo from that loveable cat eater ALF and a theme song by Kenny Loggins.

Much like Eric Jonrosh of The Spoils Before Dying and The Spoils of Babylon fame, “Trump” writes, directs, and narrates his own epic tale of real estate wheelings-and-dealings. Check out the trailer below, and head over to Funny or Die to watch the full Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal movie before the real Donald sics his army of lawyers on Will Ferrell and company. (For more bizarro Johnny Depp characters, be sure to catch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this month on IFC.)

“Jaws” by “Charles Schulz” blows our minds

“Jaws” by “Charles Schulz” blows our minds (photo)

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For better or worse, we live in a mashup culture. Take two disparate things, cram ‘em together, make something new. Most are boring, some are interesting, a few are brilliant. Like the above and below, an great print from cartoonist Charles Forsman that ingeniously combines Steven Spielberg‘s “Jaws” and Charles Schulz’s “Peanuts.”

Forsman has ventured into similar territory before with an impressive “Raiders of the Lost Ark” print in the style of E.C. Segar’s “Popeye.” But his “Jaws”/”Peanuts” is even better because these two properties are so well-suited to one another. Charles Brown’s mopey attitude hits just the right vibe for the town of Amity and their particularly toothy problem. Here is the full print.

jaws-peanuts-whole-08092011.jpg

So great. Now I want an animated version of Schulz’s “Jaws!” At the end, Charlie Brown Brody is floating on the remains of the Orca breathing a heavy but relieved sigh as this music plays us into the closing credits. C’mon, Internet. Make it happen.

I would encourage you to go here and buy one of these fabulous prints, but they’re already sold out. It’s almost as painful as someone yanking a football out from under you as you try to kick a field goal, I know. But make sure you follow Forsman on Twitter so you know when he makes a second printing.

What other comic strip and movie mashups would you like to see? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

[H/T io9]

“Rambo” returning to video game consoles

“Rambo” returning to video game consoles (photo)

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Like his “First Blood” theme song says, it’s been a long road for John Rambo: a novel, four movies, two Silver Stars, four Bronze Stars for Valor, four Purple Hearts, the Medal of Honor, even a soundtrack featuring the music of Frank Stallone (that must be what the Purple Hearts were for). But none of that compared to the horror of his appearances on video game consoles, particularly in one unforgettably terrible Nintendo game that sucked tens of dollars and hundreds of hours out of the lives of thousands of kids of my generation. I never had to go to Vietnam, thank God. But I had to play the “Rambo” game, which left its own brutal scars on my psyche.

Rambo’s made scattered gaming appearances here or there in the years since, and just last spring I told you about his hilariously violent arcade light gun game that is truly a sight to behold. But he hasn’t relived those dark days on home consoles in over twenty years.

That all changes in 2012, when publisher Reef Entertainment will bring a new Rambo video game to XBox, PS3, and PC. Here’s CEO Peter Rezon, from an announcement on MCV:

“‘With the success of the most recent ‘Rambo’ film, and an international appetite for action movies with ‘Expendables 2′ scheduled for release next summer, we felt now was a good time to do something special with this licence.’

Craig Lewis, commercial director at Reef added: ‘We have big ambitions for Reef and the Rambo IP is the first step in establishing us as a worldwide player. ‘Rambo’ will be a triple-A title on PS3, Xbox 360 and PC and will capture the gritty atmosphere and full-on action which made the Rambo movies so successful.'”

Gritty atmosphere and full-on action are definite musts. So are Dan Hill’s great theme song and authentic Sylvester Stallone grunts. The recent arcade shooter got the gameplay right since, just like in his movies, “Rambo” never ducks or dodges gunfire and barely moves or reloads. He just shoots and shoots and shoots and kills and kills and kills. Then, occasionally, he pauses for a light afternoon snack of blowing people up with explosive tip arrows. It’s a robust experience.

A little bit more story would be nice. I can see Rambo being the perfect star of a less intelligent, more violent riff on “Uncharted”-style action. There shouldn’t be too much story, though: just lots of jungle combat and vehicle chases, with some climbing and hand to hand combat. And, of course, borderline immoral amounts of gun violence.

Look for this new “Rambo” in 2012. As for a tagline, I suggest one inspired by this legendarily demented monologue at the end of “First Blood:” “You just don’t turn it off.”

Psyched for the new “Rambo” game? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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