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Our five favorite least friendly movie monkeys

Our five favorite least friendly movie monkeys (photo)

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Friendly monkeys in film do exist. Unfortunately, humanity receives a rude wake-up call this week in director Rupert Wyatt’s “Rise of the Planet of the Ape,” and the rebooted film franchise, based on Pierre Boulle’s “Planet of the Apes” novel, features some highly intelligent, highly ticked off monkeys.

Humans have fought this battle before on the big screen, though. Many of the meanest movie monkeys had good reason to be irked, like explorers invading their homes, psycho magical witches giving them commands and being kidnapped. Here are our picks for the five least friendly monkeys among them.


5. The winged monkeys, “The Wizard of Oz” (1939)
They look happy and care-free, but these little blue slaves to the Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton) rip apart Dorothy’s (Judy Garland) friend The Scarecrow (Ray Bolger) and whisk her off to be imprisoned in a big, scary castle. They may dress in snappy red vests, but they’re bad news to anyone who happens to anger their boss.


4. Dr. James Brewster, “The Ape Man” (1943)
In a classic Jekyll-and-Hyde-style scenario Dr. Brewster (Bela Lugosi) transforms himself into a hairy half man, half ape, which means that he has to find a way to become completely human again. Thankfully for him, he’s got a gorilla sidekick to help him track down some human spinal fluid for his cure. Unfortunately for his neighbors, he’s got to find someone to extract that fluid from.


3. General Ursus, “Beneath the Planet of the Apes” (1968)
When it came to human-hating, ego-maniacal bad guys in the first “Planet of the Apes” films, Ursus (James Gregory) was the gorilla to root against. The mutant humans beneath the surface weren’t the nicest people, either, but Ursus wanted nothing more than total ape domination. He did wear one of the coolest helmets in the history of monkey military gear, however.


2. The gray gorillas, “Congo” (1995)
All the scary-looking puppet-gorillas in “Congo” wanted to do was protect their home, but pesky humans kept creeping in and trying to take their diamonds. There’s a valuable lesson here. Never take diamonds from an ancient city guarded by primates with about a thousand times your muscle mass. They will rip your eyeballs out and throw them back out into the jungle without thinking twice.


1. King Kong, “King Kong” (1933)
The iconic misunderstood, mistreated, hunted down native on this list is none other than King Kong. You must have expected this when you first read our title. After all, he is probably the most famous character in all of film. Nevertheless, no single gorilla on the big screen has inspired fear on the scale that this fellow did. Thus, he gets our number one slot.


Did we miss your favorite? Chime in with your own picks in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter.

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.