From The Onion News Network: Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law

From The Onion News Network: Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law (photo)

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Stunning news from the Onion News Network: It appears that the venerable United States Congress has forgotten how to pass a law. After years of gridlock and endless fruitless conversations on raising the debt ceiling, Democrats and Republicans have realized no one remembers how to actually enact legislation. Here’s the full report:

The Onion News Network returns to IFC in September 2011

Soap tv show

As the Spoof Turns

15 Hilarious Soap Opera Parodies

Catch the classic sitcom Soap Saturday mornings on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Columbia Pictures Television

The soap opera is the indestructible core of television fandom. We celebrate modern series like The Wire and Breaking Bad with their ongoing storylines, but soap operas have been tangling more plot threads than a quilt for decades. Which is why pop culture enjoys parodying them so much.

Check out some of the funniest soap opera parodies below, and be sure to catch Soap Saturday mornings on IFC.

1. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman


Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman was a cult hit soap parody from the mind of Norman Lear that poked daily fun at the genre with epic twists and WTF moments. The first season culminated in a perfect satire of ratings stunts, with Mary being both confined to a psychiatric facility and chosen to be part of a Nielsen ratings family.

2. IKEA Heights

ikea heights

IKEA Heights proves that the soap opera is alive and well, even if it has to be filmed undercover at a ready-to-assemble furniture store totally unaware of what’s happening. This unique webseries brought the classic formula to a new medium. Even IKEA saw the funny side — but has asked that future filmmakers apply through proper channels.

3. Fresno


When you’re parodying ’80s nighttime soaps like Dallas and Dynasty , everything about your show has to equally sumptuous. The 1986 CBS miniseries Fresno delivered with a high-powered cast (Carol Burnett, Teri Garr and more in haute couture clothes!) locked in the struggle for the survival of a raisin cartel.

4. Soap


Soap was the nighttime response to daytime soap operas: a primetime skewering of everything both silly and satisfying about the source material. Plots including demonic possession and alien abduction made it a cult favorite, and necessitated the first televised “viewer discretion” disclaimer. It also broke ground for featuring one of the first gay characters on television in the form of Billy Crystal’s Jodie Dallas. Revisit (or discover for the first time) this classic sitcom every Saturday morning on IFC.

5. Too Many Cooks


Possibly the most perfect viral video ever made, Too Many Cooks distilled almost every style of television in a single intro sequence. The soap opera elements are maybe the most hilarious, with more characters and sudden shocking twists in an intro than most TV scribes manage in an entire season.

6. Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace


Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace was more mockery than any one medium could handle. The endless complications of Darkplace Hospital are presented as an ongoing horror soap opera with behind-the-scenes anecdotes from writer, director, star, and self-described “dreamweaver visionary” Garth Marenghi and astoundingly incompetent actor/producer Dean Learner.

7. “Attitudes and Feelings, Both Desirable and Sometimes Secretive,” MadTV


Soap opera connoisseurs know that the most melodramatic plots are found in Korea. MADtv‘s parody Tae Do  (translation: Attitudes and Feelings, Both Desirable and Sometimes Secretive) features the struggles of mild-mannered characters with far more feelings than their souls, or subtitles, could ever cope with.

8. Twin Peaks


Twin Peaks, the twisted parody of small town soaps like Peyton Place whose own creator repeatedly insists is not a parody, has endured through pop culture since it changed television forever when it debuted in 1990. The show even had it’s own soap within in a soap called…

9. “Invitation to Love,” Twin Peaks


Twin Peaks didn’t just parody soap operas — it parodied itself parodying soap operas with the in-universe show Invitation to Love. That’s more layers of deceit and drama than most televised love triangles.

10. “As The Stomach Turns,” The Carol Burnett Show


The Carol Burnett Show poked fun at soaps with this enduring take on As The World Turns. In a case of life imitating art, one story involving demonic possession would go on to happen for “real” on Days of Our Lives.

11. Days of our Lives (Friends Edition)


Still airing today, Days of Our Lives is one of the most famous soap operas of all time. They’re also excellent sports, as they allowed Friends star Joey Tribbiani to star as Dr Drake Ramoray, the only doctor to date his own stalker (while pretending to be his own evil twin). And then return after a brain-transplant.

And let’s not forget the greatest soap opera parody line ever written: “Come on Joey, you’re going up against a guy who survived his own cremation!”

12. Acorn Antiques


First appearing on the BBC sketch comedy series Victoria Wood As Seen on TV, Acorn Antiques combines almost every low-budget soap opera trope into one amazing whole. The staff of a small town antique store suffer a disproportional number of amnesiac love-triangles, while entire storylines suddenly appear and disappear without warning or resolution. Acorn Antiques was so popular, it went on to become a hit West End musical.

13. “Point Place,” That 70s Show


In a memorable That ’70s Show episode, an unemployed Red is reduced to watching soaps all day. He becomes obsessed despite the usual Red common-sense objections (like complaining that it’s impossible to fall in love with someone in a coma). His dreams render his own life as Point Place, a melodramatic nightmare where Kitty leaves him because he’s unemployed. (Click here to see all airings of That ’70s Show on IFC.)

14. The Spoils of Babylon


Bursting from the minds of Will Ferrell and creators Andrew Steele and Matt Piedmont, The Spoils of Babylon was a spectacular parody of soap operas and epic mini-series like The Thorn Birds. Taking the parody even further, Ferrell himself played Eric Jonrosh, the author of the book on which the series was based. Jonrosh returned in The Spoils Before Dying, a jazzy murder mystery with its own share of soapy twists and turns.


15. All My Children Finale, SNL


SNL‘s final celebration of one of the biggest soaps of all time is interrupted by a relentless series of revelations from stage managers, lighting designers, make-up artists, and more. All of whom seem to have been married to or murdered by (or both) each other.

Spend Sunday Watching The Onion News Network

Spend Sunday Watching The Onion News Network (photo)

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Usually Sunday is the red-headed stepchild of the weekend. It’s nice enough, but Saturday is the one you really like. However this weekend, it is Sunday’s chance to be the most favorite and revered day of the week. Why? Because this Sunday we are showing back-to-back episodes of America’s favorite news program The Onion News Network. The information fest starts at 12:45 p.m. ET and runs until Richard Linklater’s “Waking Life” starts at 4:15 p.m. ET.

This Sunday when your world is gripped by confusion and terror, there’s only one news network you can turn to: the Onion News Network. The Onion News Network is the most popular 24-hour cable news network in America, delivering hard-hitting, up-to-the-minute reporting to more than 100 million households nationwide. The network boasts more attack satellites than any other news organization and no other channel has more secret surveillance cameras in homes, businesses, and high-level government offices.

But wait, there’s more: If you follow @BrookeAlvarez on Twitter, you can watch her live-tweet the Onion News Network marathon starting at 12:45pm ET.

Here are a few of our favorite hard-nosed news stories from the Onion News Network:

Kim Jong Il Ends Nuclear Program For Lead In Next Batman:

FDA Official: “Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable”

Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult

The Onion News Network airs on IFC on Sunday at 12:45 p.m. ET

What to Watch on IFC: June 13 – June 19

What to Watch on IFC: June 13 – June 19 (photo)

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Here’s What to Watch This Week on IFC:


Stock up on pig’s blood and stay up late on a school night to watch Brian De Palma’s and Stephen King’s “Carrie.” The tense classic horror film starts at midnight.


Good things come to those who wait up until midnight. Tonight brings “The Wicker Man” (the original, natch) starring Christopher Lee and a very large piece of wicker that you won’t be picking up at Pier 1 anytime soon. If you haven’t seen this unsettling chiller, tune in.


Neither mute nameless warriors nor Christian Vikings get too many starring roles, so tune in for“Valhalla Rising” when it airs at 8 p.m. ET.


Black market arms deals and Nicolas Cage are made for each other. Like cookies and milk or Turner and Hooch. “The Lord of War” starts at 8 p.m. ET.


It just doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter! Unless, of course, we’re talking about “Meatballs,” which airs at 8 p.m. ET. It’s followed by another installment of the fifth and final season of “The Whitest Kids U’Know” starts at 10:30 p.m. ET.


Catherine Hardwicke gets in touch with her inner skater dude in “Lords of Dogtown”. The film delves deep into 70s California culture and witnesses the birth of skate culture. Totally rad! Starts at 4 p.m. ET.


Spend all day staring at Brooke Alvarez as she delivers the news. That’s right, beginning at 12:45 p.m. ET, we will be turning our airways over to the The Onion News Network. When your world is gripped by confusion and terror, there’s only one news network you can turn to: the Onion News Network.

Five Of Our Favorite Onion News Network Stories

Five Of Our Favorite Onion News Network Stories (photo)

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The Onion News Network is in America’s homes. We know this because the network has more secret surveillance cameras in homes, businesses, and high-level government offices than any other major news organization. You watch ONN, they watch you. It’s what we call a news cycle. So what stories are resonating with our audiences? Here is a list of five of the top Onion News Network news stories:

Kim Jong Il Ends Nuclear Program For Lead In Next Batman:

FDA Official: “Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable”

Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult

This Day In History: The Invention Of The Handjob

Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law

The Onion News Network airs on IFC today at 7:30 p.m. ET

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