Five things we hope to see in the “Evil Dead” remake

Five things we hope to see in the “Evil Dead” remake (photo)

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With the recent news that the “Evil Dead” remake actually appears to be moving ahead, (with Diablo Cody punching up the script, no less) we’ve been thinking about Sam Raimi’s seminal horror-comedy flick more than usual, which frankly, we didn’t even think was possible.

So, in honor of the news that we may get our first taste of the “Evil Dead” franchise since 1992’s “Army of Darkness,” we’ve assembled the top five things we want to see in the upcoming remake. But don’t worry, Diablo Cody-haters, you won’t find “quippy pop culture references” or “hamburger phones” anywhere on this list.

1) Traditional Special Effects
One of the things that made the original “Evil Dead” so charming were all the low-rent special effects. Unfortunately, given that it’s the year 2011, Lionsgate is most likely going to CG the hell out of this thing, especially since its being helmed by Fede Álvarez, the guy who directed that “Ataque de Pánico!” short with all the giant robots. But, we’re still holding out hope that they’ll find some room for puppets, latex and oh-so-creepy stop-motion animation.

2) Skin
While we’re not huge fans of how much contemporary films use shoddy computer generated imagery, we are definitely in favor of another recent development: Excessive eye candy. It’s not that Bruce Campbell wasn’t a handsome guy (if you’re into chins, he’s the absolute tops), but his cast-mates were kind of exceptionally 80s – and not in the good way either. Why not take the opportunity to pretty up the women who get subjected to all those awful things?

3) Tree Rape
Speaking of awful things happening to women, how about that tree rape scene? After three decades, the thing is still terrifying, stomach-churning and, honestly, kind of darkly comical. We’re not the kind of creeps that enjoy rapes on film or anything, but not only is this scene a great moment in the movie, it also sets up a crucial demon infestation. Here’s hoping that the tree rape scene doesn’t get sacrificed in the name of political correctness, a lower rating, or, you know, good taste.

4) Bruce Campbell

The original Ashley “Ash” J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, is already signed on to be a producer in the new “Evil Dead” remake, but it’s just not enough for us. Campbell certainly shouldn’t play the lead – that role should go to someone younger with an even bigger chin (fingers crossed) – but it would be a crying shame for Campbell to not appear anywhere in the flick. Even a “Spider-Man”-style cameo would be enough for us.

5) Chainsaw Hand
In the original “Evil Dead” series, Ash didn’t grab his nuts (one-handed) and strap a chainsaw onto his arm until the second movie. But what’s the point of a remake if you don’t correct the mistakes of the past? You can call it eating your dessert before dinner if you want, but not putting a chainsaw hand in this movie (or any movie, really) is just leaving money on the table.

What would you like to see in the “Evil Dead” remake? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter!

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”

Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”

But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.


It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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