DID YOU READ

The most awkward sex scenes in movies (with video)

The most awkward sex scenes in movies (with video) (photo)

Posted by on

Nothing can reach the heights (or is it depths?) of awkwardness quite like sex. Here are 11 such embarrassing moments in cinema, from the near-bestiality of “Howard the Duck” to Jason Biggs getting intimate with his mother’s baked goods in “American Pie” to the endless pounding (and yammering) of “Bridesmaids.” Never before has a turn-on seemed so… off.

[Page 1]   [Page 2]   [Index]


Howard the Duck (1986)

A film so appallingly misguided that we’re still waiting for it to be revealed as one big put-upon in the first place (kind of like producer George Lucas’ later “Star Wars” prequels), “Howard the Duck” reaches its lowest low with the would-be sex scene between Cleve-Land rocker chick Lea Thompson and a wisecracking, cigar-chomping alien duck. “Would-be” is enough to send anyone over the edge in this particular situation, though, as it dares to go beyond “Wrong” territory and into borderline bestiality — complete with a few seductive eyebrow-raises from the duck himself. Both fortunately and unfortunately in equal measures, Howard stops Lea before she gets completely naked, suddenly becoming possessed by the audience’s discomfort and outrage and putting a stop to all this before it goes completely batshit insane. Whew, that was close! “Howard, you really are the worst!” says Thompson at one point. Yeah.


Knocked Up (2007)

Having “pregnant sex” has its physical and practical challenges, and “Knocked Up” doesn’t shy away from really getting into the sordid details. The first attempted sexual position between Ben (Seth Rogen) and Alison (Katherine Heigl) has her on her back and him on top — “Just do it!” she exclaims, frustrated, but Ben can’t shake the image of his penis poking their unborn child in the face. Their next attempted position has him on his back and her riding him, but she quickly becomes self-conscious: “I know I look gross… my boobs are all mushy, it’s all like National Geographic.” The third and final attempted position has them on their sides and him doing her from behind; this looks like it might be the answer to all their problems — until he freaks out about feeling the baby kick. “It was a bad kick!” he exclaims, and again goes back to not being able to shake the image of poking the poor kid in the face with his cock. Thank you, Judd Apatow, for showing us the true consequences of a drunken one-night-stand.


Superbad (2007)

The somewhat harrowing sex scene between Becca (Martha MacIsaac) and Evan (Michael Cera) in “Superbad” is a classic example of your first time not being anywhere near how you imagined it would be. Becca is way drunk, and her attempts to arouse her partner with (rather adorable) “dirty talk” just aren’t working. “I’m so wet,” she whispers, to which he responds, “Yeah, they said that would happen… in Health…” It goes on like that for a while: Becca says something she thinks is going to turn the highly dubious scenario into a rousing session of writhing passion, and Evan counters with some sort of nervous hesitation. “I am going to give you the best Blow-J ever… with my mouth!” she squeals; “Why don’t we just kiss a lot?” he responds. “You have such a smooth cock,” she giggles; “Thank you, you would, too, if you were a man… ” This is a truly funny and ultimately heartbreaking scene that ends with her vomiting all over the damn place.


Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)

“Yo, I gotta have sex tonight!” So proclaims Kenny Fisher (Seth Green), aka Special K, a wannabe hip hop artist who vows to lose his virginity at the hottest high school graduation party in town. He’s armed and prepared for the endeavor with “The Love Kit,” a backpack full of sexual assists and enhancements, including but not limited to a “‘Fragrance of Love’-scented candle, bitch! Damn.” Once at the party, Kenny retreats to the bathroom to “get ready” — unfortunately, his warm-up exercises inspired by the writings of the Kama Sutra (another accessory of The Love Kit) lead to an unexpected case of “premature evacuation.” As he struggles to clean up the mess, Denise (Lauren Ambrose), who just had a brownie thrown at her face, enters the bathroom, catches sight of him and… well, this awkward moment becomes even more awkward after the handle on the bathroom door breaks off, locking them both in. They eventually have sex in the bathroom, though, so what started off as a train wreck turned into a home run, didn’t it?


American Pie (1999)

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald’s or homemade?

And you know what happens after that. One of the most bizarre images ever put to film — a teenage boy pleasuring himself with his mother’s homemade apple pie — actually leads to a touching scene of father-son bonding, as Jim’s Dad tries to turn the beyond embarrassing moment into an opportunity to talk man-to-man about this sort of stuff. “I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of… masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. I never did it with baked goods, but you know your Uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake five to six times a day!” Leave it to Jim’s Dad to try to make the most of such a situation. Yeah, this bit of cinematic sexual deviance seems rather tame today, but back in 1999, oh boy was it a doozy.


[Page 1]   [Page 2]   [Index]

Watch More
carnotes3_thumbnail

Car Notes

Portlandia Keeps Road Rage In Park

Get a lesson in parking etiquette on a new Portlandia.

Posted by on

It’s the most American form of cause and effect: Park like a monster, receive a passive-aggressive note.

car notes note

This unofficial rule of the road is critical to keeping the great big wheel of car-related Karma in balance. And naturally, Portlandia’s Kath and Dave have elevated it to an awkward, awkward art form in Car Notes, the Portlandia web series presented by Subaru.

If you’ve somehow missed the memo about Car Notes until now, you can catch up on every installment online, on the IFC app, and on demand. You can even have a little taste right here:

If your interest is piqued – great news for you! A special Car Notes sketch makes an appearance in the latest episode of Portlandia, and you can catch up on it now right here.

Watch all-new Portlandia Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

Watch More
MAT_101_blog

Naked and Hungry

Two New Ways to Threeway

IFC's Comedy Crib gets sensual in time for Valentine's Day.

Posted by on

This week, two scandalous new digital series debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Ménage à Trois invites people to participate in a real-life couple’s fantasy boudoir. And The Filling is Mutual follows two saucy chefs who invite comedians to make food inspired by their routines. Each show crosses some major boundaries in sexy and/or delicious ways, and each are impossible to describe in detail without arousing some awkward physical cravings. Which is why it’s best to hear it directly from the minds behind the madness…

Ménage à Trois

According to Diana Kolsky and Murf Meyer, the two extremely versatile constants in the ever-shifting à trois, “MàT is a sensually psychedelic late night variety show exploring matters of hearts, parts and every goddamn thing in between…PS, any nudes will be 100% tasteful.”

This sexy brainchild includes sketches, music, and props that would put Pee-wee’s Playhouse to shame. But how could this fantastical new twist on the vanilla-sex variety show format have come to be?

“We met in a UCB improv class taught by Chris Gethard. It was clear that we both humped to the beat of our own drum; our souls and tongues intermingled at the bar after class, so we dove in head first.”

Sign me up, but promise to go slow. This tricycle is going to need training wheels.

The Filling is Mutual

Comedians Jen Saunderson and Jenny Zigrino became best friends after meeting in the restroom at the Gotham Comedy Club, which explains their super-comfortable dynamic when cooking with their favorite comedians. “We talk about comedy, sex, menses, the obnoxiousness of Christina Aguilera all while eating food that most would push off their New Year’s resolution.”

The hook of cooking food based off of comedy routines is so perfect and so personal. It made us wonder about what dishes Jen & Jenny would pair with some big name comedy staples, like…

Bill Murray?
“Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to… Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to avoid doing any kind of silly Groundhog Day reference.” 

Bridget Everett?
“Cream Balls… Sea Salt encrusted Chocolate Ganache Covered Ice Cream Ball that melt cream when you bite into them.” 

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney? 
“I’d make George and Gil black and white cookies from scratch and just as we open the oven to put the cookie in we’d prank ’em with an obnoxious amount of tuna!!!”

Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen? 
“Definitely a raw cacao “safe word” brownie. Cacao!”

Just perfect.

See both new series in their entirety on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

Watch More
Quirks_106_MPX-1920×1080

Dark Arts

Foot Fetish Jesus And Other Nightmares

Meet the minds behind Comedy Crib's latest series, Quirks and The Mirror.

Posted by on

The Mirror and Quirks are really, really strange. Deeply disturbing yet hauntingly beautiful. But you really don’t need to read a synopsis of either of the aforementioned shows to understand the exact variety of nightmare-bonkers comedy these shows deliver — that’s why the good lord made links. Instead, take a peek behind the curtain and meet the creators.

Quirks

Let’s start with Kevin Tosi. Kevin does the whole show by himself. That doesn’t mean he’s a loner — Kevin has a day job with actual humans. But that day job is copywriting. So it’s only natural that his suppressed demons would manifest themselves in biting cartoon form, including “Foot Fetish Jesus”, in ways that somehow speak to all of us. If only all copywriters channeled their inner f*ckedupness into such…expressive art.

The Mirror

Onward to the folks at Wham City Comedy.

These guys aren’t your typical comedy collective in that their work is way more left-field and even elevated than your standard digital short. More funny weird than funny ha-ha. They’ve done collaborations with musicians like Beach House, Dan Deacon & Wye Oak, television networks (obviously), and others. Yeah they get paid, but their motivation feels deeper. Darker. Most of them are video artists, and that explains a lot.

See more of The Mirror and Quirks on IFC.com and the IFC app.

Watch More
Powered by ZergNet