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The 25 Oldest Looking Teenagers in Movie History

The 25 Oldest Looking Teenagers in Movie History (photo)

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Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but in Hollywood, age is in the eye of the casting director. In the movies, playing a high schooler is less a matter of the actors’ real age than the filmmakers’ state of mind. Who cares if you’re pushing 30 and married and you’ve got a couple kids? How do you look in trendy clothes? How are your sideburns? Good, you’re hired.

True, movies are fantasies. And there are few fantasies more potent than high school fantasies: we’ve all indulged dreams of what our lives would have looked like if we’d only been more popular or more beautiful back in the day. But movies should also reflect reality, and so few high school movies do. And way too many feature casts that should be forced to read disclaimers before the film starts: “I’m not a real teenager, but I play one in the movies.”

To catalogue the worst offenders, we decided to put together this list of the oldest looking teenagers in movie history. Note before we begin that this is not a list of the oldest actors to play teenagers. If our highly scientific method — i.e. looking at them with my eyeballs — determined that you passed for a teen, you didn’t make the cut, regardless of actual age. Tobey Maguire was 26 in the first “Spider-Man.” So was Sissy Spacek in “Carrie.” Alan Ruck was 29 in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” but you wouldn’t know it from looking at him.

We were careful to disqualify anyone who wasn’t definitely playing a teenager. Curtis Armstrong — a.k.a. Booger from “Revenge of the Nerds” — shows up on a lot of other old movie teenager lists for his role in 1985’s “Better Off Dead,” when he was 31 years old. But his character, Charles de Mar, jokes that he’s been in high school for “seven-and-a-half years,” which would make him about 23 years old. No good. Likewise, we ruled out Luke Perry in the original “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” movie because it’s not entirely clear how old he is; he hangs around with Buffy, but he has a job as a mechanic and doesn’t ever go to school. No good either; he’ll have to wait for the inevitable oldest looking teenagers in TV history list. We also took into consideration the age of the character in question. A 21-year-old might be able to pass for 18, but 14? Not so much.

With those rules in mind, here’s our list. You can find the index at the end, with links back to each entry. For the sake of ease and consistency, all ages were calculated based on their movie’s release date. Now let’s get things started before this intro gets too old too.

[#25-21]   [#20-16]   [#15-11]   [#10-6]   [#5-1]   [Index]


darby2-05302011.jpg25. Kim Darby, “True Grit” (1969)
Age at Movie’s Release: 21

Last year’s remake by the Coen Brothers really threw into relief just how old Kim Darby looks in the original “True Grit.”  Her character, Mattie Ross, is supposed to be a 14-year-old girl.  When the first “True Grit” came out in the summer of 1969, Darby was a few weeks from her 22nd birthday.  When you compare her to the Coens’ Mattie, played by a then-14-year-old Hailee Steinfeld, the contrast is striking.  And it’s not just a matter of looking the part; looking the part changes the impact of the story, which is about a young girl hiring a U.S. marshal to help her track down and kill her father’s murderer.  Steinfeld looks like a little girl, and her physical immaturity amplifies the absurdity of the comic scenes and the stakes of the dramatic scenes.  Darby looks like a young woman by comparison, and a much more reasonable traveling companion for a western hero, someone who could back up her spunky words with her fists.  That makes her a better foil for John Wayne’s Marshal Rooster Cogburn, but a poorer fit for Mattie Ross.


coughlin-05302011.jpg24. Kevin Coughlin, “Wild in the Streets” (1968)
Age at Movie’s Release: 22

In the 1960s, American International Pictures was the studio for teensploitation: beach parties, juvie gang pictures, and other assorted drive-in friendly fare. One of the weirdest of the bunch is “Wild in the Streets” a hybrid rock ‘n’ roll and youth movement film. It’s about a socially conscious young rock star, Max Frost (Christopher Jones), and his efforts first to lower the voting age to 14 and then get himself elected as president of the United States. Max and most of his band are supposed to be in the 20-25-year-old range, but most — including a pre-superstardom Richard Pryor — are much closer to 30, the horrifying age that they all say they’d rather die than reach. The one teen in the band, Billy, is supposedly 15, “the youngest graduate in the history of Yale Law School.” But actor Kevin Coughlin was an obvious 22; he’d already left Hollywood for a few years to get a degree in theater from Northwestern University. “Wild in the Streets” is a fascinatingly weird movie with a dark sense of humor and a bleak attitude about politics and our government. The fact that all of its pro-youth, anti-adult messages were being fed to the audience by a bunch of near-30-year-old fogies only makes its worldview feel even more cynical.


bynes-05302011.jpg23. Amanda Bynes, “Easy A” (2010)
Age at Movie’s Release: 24

I have no idea whether Amanda Bynes’ inability to graduate into less kid-focused fare was the reason for her temporary retirement from acting in 2010 (when she tweeted “I don’t love acting anymore, so I’ve stopped doing it”) but it wouldn’t surprise me. The poor woman has been in high school for a loooong time. Bynes snuck into the job market, however briefly, on her television show “What I Like About You,” but otherwise spent the totality of the 2000s lost in compulsory education in films like “What a Girl Wants” (2003), “She’s the Man” (2006), and “Hairspray” (2007). She was still seeking that ever-elusive diploma at age 24 in last year’s “Easy A” from director Will Gluck, who we’ll later see clearly prefers casting his high school comedies old. Interestingly, though Bynes had always played the plucky heroine, in “Easy A” she’s something of a villain, a fundamentalist Christian who spreads lies about that film’s plucky heroine (22-year-old Emma Stone, who’d already played a college co-ed in “The House Bunny” two years earlier). It’s as if ten years in high school with no end in sight had curdled her perky persona into antisocial bitterness.


smith-05302011.jpg22. Kerr Smith, “Final Destination” (2000)

Age at Movie’s Release: 28

Movies have nothing on television in the doddering teenagers department. “Beverly Hills 90210,” “The OC,” “Gossip Girl,” “90210” again, you know the worst offenders. Most cast members didn’t make teen movies — probably out of fear of being typecast — but a few did. “Dawson’s Creek” co-star Kerr Smith’s turn in the first “Final Destination” is maybe the best worst example. He plays the jock of a group of survivors who get off a doomed transatlantic flight just before takeoff, and if he looks like he’s got half a decade on the main character played by Devon Sawa, that’s because he does. (Sawa was 22). It is weird how athletes in movies take on such freakishly adult attributes. They’re the nightmare versions of jocks dreamt up by their victims, the nerds who all grew up to become filmmakers. Personally, I feel like whatever evil force is killing the unplanned survivors could actually care less that Smith didn’t die in the plane crash. It just wants to get this guy for hiding from death in high school for years and years. By the way, give Sawa credit for having something in “Final Destination” that no one on this list — but just about every real teenager — has: acne.


oneal-05302011.jpg21. Shaquille O’Neal and Anfernee Hardaway, “Blue Chips” (1994)
Age at Movie’s Release: 21 and 22

By the time Shaquille O’Neal and Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway appeared in 1994’s “Blue Chips” as high school prospects recruited by a dirty university, they were already playing professional basketball together for the NBA’s Orlando Magic. True, they don’t look wildly out of place roaming college campuses (as a matter of fact, both men left college early for the NBA draft, meaning they could have still been upperclassmen in 1994). But if you look at pictures of Shaq at LSU or Penny at Memphis State you’ll see significantly shrimpier dudes than the bulkier, more physically developed guys who show up in “Blue Chips.” And even more than their physical appearances, it’s their behavior on the court that really gives them away. These aren’t raw, untrained talents; they’re clearly two of the best basketball players in the country, if not the world. No wonder they’re blue chips. They’re not nearly green enough to be credible as 17-year-olds.


[#25-21]   [#20-16]   [#15-11]   [#10-6]   [#5-1]   [Index]

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Bro and Tell

BFFs And Night Court For Sports

Bromance and Comeuppance On Two New Comedy Crib Series

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“Silicon Valley meets Girls meets black male educators with lots of unrealized potential.”

That’s how Carl Foreman Jr. and Anthony Gaskins categorize their new series Frank and Lamar which joins Joe Schiappa’s Sport Court in the latest wave of new series available now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. To better acquaint you with the newbies, we went right to the creators for their candid POVs. And they did not disappoint. Here are snippets of their interviews:

Frank and Lamar

via GIPHY

IFC: How would you describe Frank and Lamar to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?
Carl: Best bros from college live and work together teaching at a fancy Manhattan private school, valiantly trying to transition into a more mature phase of personal and professional life while clinging to their boyish ways.

IFC: And to a friend of a friend you met in a bar?
Carl: The same way, slightly less coherent.

Anthony: I’d probably speak about it with much louder volume, due to the bar which would probably be playing the new Kendrick Lamar album. I might also include additional jokes about Carl, or unrelated political tangents.

Carl: He really delights in randomly slandering me for no reason. I get him back though. Our rapport on the page, screen, and in real life, comes out of a lot of that back and forth.

IFC: In what way is Frank and Lamar a poignant series for this moment in time?
Carl: It tells a story I feel most people aren’t familiar with, having young black males teach in a very affluent white world, while never making it expressly about that either. Then in tackling their personal lives, we see these three-dimensional guys navigate a pivotal moment in time from a perspective I feel mainstream audiences tend not to see portrayed.

Anthony: I feel like Frank and Lamar continues to push the envelope within the genre by presenting interesting and non stereotypical content about people of color. The fact that this show brought together so many talented creative people, from the cast and crew to the producers, who believe in the project, makes the work that much more intentional and truthful. I also think it’s pretty incredible that we got to employ many of our friends!

Sport Court

Sport Court gavel

IFC: How would you describe Sport Court to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?
Joe: SPORT COURT follows Judge David Linda, a circuit court judge assigned to handle an ad hoc courtroom put together to prosecute rowdy fan behavior in the basement of the Hartford Ultradome. Think an updated Night Court.

IFC: How would you describe Sport Court to drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?
Joe: Remember when you put those firecrackers down that guy’s pants at the baseball game? It’s about a judge who works in a court in the stadium that puts you in jail right then and there. I know, you actually did spend the night in jail, but imagine you went to court right that second and didn’t have to get your brother to take off work from GameStop to take you to your hearing.

IFC: Is there a method to your madness when coming up with sports fan faux pas?
Joe: I just think of the worst things that would ruin a sporting event for everyone. Peeing in the slushy machine in open view of a crowd seemed like a good one.

IFC: Honestly now, how many of the fan transgressions are things you’ve done or thought about doing?
Joe: I’ve thought about ripping out a whole row of chairs at a theater or stadium, so I would have my own private space. I like to think of that really whenever I have to sit crammed next to lots of people. Imagine the leg room!

Check out the full seasons of Frank and Lamar and Sport Court now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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