DID YOU READ

Schwarzen-Watch: All Arnold Projects on Hold

Schwarzen-Watch: All Arnold Projects on Hold (photo)

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IFC.com’s film writer, Matt Singer, is the biggest Arnold Schwarzenegger fan on the planet. He blogs any time any news about Schwarzenegger’s return to acting, no matter how flimsy or improbable, hits the Internet.

It’s been a busy week here at Schwarzen-Watch. But I have a feeling this could be this column’s last installment for a while. Because, like the T-800 in that convenience store, Schwarzenegger’s put his hand up, and now he’s called a halt to all of his projects.

With the continuing scandal around his love child with his family’s longtime housekeeper, it’s become a less-than-ideal time to relaunch a movie career. That means no “Cry Macho,” no “Terminator 5,” and definitely no “The Governator” for the foreseeable future. Here’s his representation’s official statement, from Entertainment Weekly:

“At the request of Arnold Schwarzenegger, we asked Creative Artists Agency to inform all his motion picture projects currently underway or being negotiated to stop planning until further notice… Governor Schwarzenegger is focusing on personal matters and is not willing to commit to any production schedules or timelines. This includes ‘Cry Macho,’ ‘The Terminator’ franchise and other projects under consideration. We will resume discussions when Governor Schwarzenegger decides.”

To me, this is just further validation of all my theories about his career. I’ve always argued in the face of skeptics that Schwarzenegger is a personal filmmaker. His movie look like violent killfests — any they are! — but they’re also violent killfests with a deep emotional connection to the guy who was making them. If, as some argue, Schwarzenegger can’t act and he’s always playing himself, then basically every single movie he’s made has revealed another facet of his personality. And I think he was going to start doing that all over again with his new projects. But now the parallels between his real life and his cinematic life which were previously buried too deep for most people to notice are front and center for all to see.

Consider “Cry Macho,” which was going to be about a man who becomes a surrogate father to a kid he’s been hired to kidnap. “The Governator” would have turned Schwarzenegger, playing a cartoon version of himself, into a literal superhero-by-night, a veritable rebuke of the aging process that the actor was repeatedly exploring in his last batch of movies before he went to Hollywood. And of course every “Terminator” movie represents something to Schwarzenegger: the first, his power; the second, his growing sense of familial responsibility; his third, his fear of failure, and the chance that he might screw something up and basically ruin his entire world (foreshadowing!).

This won’t be the end of Schwarzenegger; if Mel Gibson can get a second (and a third, and a fourth) chance, so can Arnold. Just don’t hold your breath for his next movie (or children’s cartoon show… yeah, maybe that was just a bad idea in the first place). When he finally returns, will he stick with such nakedly personal projects? Or will his violent killfests finally become the mindless exercises they’ve always been taken for? Regardless, when it happens, I’ll be around.

Wait, I mean back! I’ll be back. Duh.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

via GIPHY

It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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