DID YOU READ

How “Soul Calibur” Keeps Its Boobs Breast in Show

Soul-Calibur-breast-chart

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“Soul Calibur” represents a near-perfect Platonic ideal for fighting game fans. Namco’s medieval martial arts series boasts a deep level of complexity with hundreds of moves, counters and specials for dozens of characters yet remains accessible enough for new players to have fun and be competitive.

But there’s another thing that “Soul Calibur” is known for and that’s the magical undulation of its female characters’ mammaries. Video games get justifiably knocked on their objectification of the female form but “Soul Calibur” has always been particularly egregious. I remember playing the earliest version of the fighting franchise (in its incarnation as “Soul Edge” on the first PlayStation) and marveling at the action in female ninja Taki’s balcony. There’s nothing very stealthy about that, I thought then.

It’s not just “Soul Calibur,” either. Breast physics are a THING in the fighting game category, for some odd reason. Just look at Tecmo’s “Dead or Alive” games.) Maybe the ability to focus past the breast acrobatics separates men from the boys. Or, it’s a way to show off how programmers implement the processing power of a particular platform. Shiny textures and dynamic lighting are one thing, but boobs that move like they’re on a perpetual trampoline?! That’s technical know-how!

Anyway, no matter how offended or pleasured you’ve felt watching Ivy’s knockers bounce as she beats your ass with a whip-sword, it never seemed like there was any rhyme or reason to the size or attributes of girl characters’ chests. Clearly, the collective lizard brain of the mostly male development teams kicked in and locked in on the uncomplicated idea of ‘big and bouncy.’ But, a tweet today from a member of the “Soul Calibur” dev team reveals that there is in fact A SYSTEM WITH RULES. This changes everything. A breast size canon means that it’s not just casual repressed-male objectification at work. No, the idea that there’s something systemic about boob physics makes the whole thing feel less grindhouse and more programmatically sleazy. Like, “Make sure Sophitia’s rack is no more than 86 CM.”

The worst part about this stuff isn’t how it undercuts video games’ grasp at respectability. That’s a fool’s errand. No, boob physics fetish make otherwise great, well-tuned games feel trashier than they should. And, in a world where the web’s made adult entertainment more accessible, anyone who’s interested knows that breasts don’t move like they do in such video games. Virtual fake boobs can’t really do anything for anyone, can they?

Bill Murray in Ghostbusters II

Hopebusters, Too

Ghostbusters II Predicted the World Will End on Valentine’s Day 2016

Catch Ghostbusters II this month on IFC. Provided the world doesn't end, of course.

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Photo Credit: Columbia Pictures

Far be it from us to contradict Mr. Bill Murray, but a prediction made in a scene from one of his films is about to be put to the test. If you remember Ghostbusters II, then you know that at the beginning of the film, retired ‘buster Peter Venkman is the host of a chat show called World of the Psychic. According to a guest on the show, the world will end on February 14th, 2016 — this Valentine’s Day.

Now, before you start looting, keep in mind the source of this information is a tad unreliable. Elaine (played by Sid and Nancy star Chloe Webb) sits with Venkman and relates how she received this intel from an alien who may or may not have disguised a UFO to look like a Holiday Inn in Paramus. Let’s just hope she misheard, otherwise there will be some awkward date nights this year.

Check out the grim prognostication in the clip below. Hopefully the world will still be here when Ghostbusters II airs Monday, Feb. 15th and throughout the month on IFC.

The Eternal Sunshine of the “World’s Biggest Pac-Man”

The Eternal Sunshine of the “World’s Biggest Pac-Man” (photo)

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When a TV show, movie or song saturates the public consciousness deeply, the really cool thing happens next: the re-inventions. So it goes for video games, too. Pac-Man’s enjoyed a video game renaissance of late, mostly due to the strength of the “Pac-Man Championship Edition” titles, which sports several modes that re-write the rules of the classic arcade game.

But, something even more special’s been cooked up in this, the 30th year of Pac-Man’s existence. Australian creative agency Soap teamed with Namco and Microsoft’s Internet Explorer team to launch “World’s Biggest Pac-Man.” The site’s a set of interlocking user-generated Pac-Man mazes that let you play for as long as you want. Once you finish one maze, you can exit through a tunnel and go right into another one. If you’ve got a yen to make your own maze, just login with a Facebook ID and create away.

Fred Armisen Snl Bowie

Fred Remembers Bowie

Watch Fred Armisen’s Heartfelt Tribute to David Bowie

Portlandia returns this Thursday, January 21st at 10P on IFC.

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In life, David Bowie touched the lives of millions with beautiful, soulful performances that flowed from fearless, boundless flare. And since his passing, fellow artists and performers have expressed how instrumental his music, his individuality, and his being was to the development of their art. One of those devotees is Portlandia star Fred Armisen who took to his former Saturday Night Live stage and spoke of how Bowie’s live performances from a 1979 SNL episode have stuck with him since high school.

“Watching him was, for me, a life-changing experience,” Armisen said. “He had these backup singers that were like choir singers from the future and a toy poodle with a TV monitor in his mouth.”

Watch Fred’s heartfelt tribute to the late singer below. For more Fred, check out his Facebook Q&A and watch a free episode from the new season of Portlandia right now on IFC.com or on the IFC app.

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