DID YOU READ

“Florent: Queen of the Meat Market,” Reviewed

“Florent: Queen of the Meat Market,” Reviewed (photo)

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Jeez, this is one hell of a restaurant.

Restaurant Florent, to be exact, a funky diner-slash-brasserie-slash-bistro in New York’s Meatpacking District. Owned and operated by French transplant Florent Morellet since the mid-1980s, the place was a haven for artists, eccentrics, outsiders, and regular neighborhood folks for several decades. As the documentary “Florent: Queen of the Meat Market” opens, all sorts of celebrities and cultural elites pay homage to the place, many of them standing right in front of the restaurant. That’s where we see the stencil on the window: “Serving 24/7 until the bitter(sweet) end: June 29.” And then below it in all capital letters: “AU REVOIR.” So we know this movie does not have a happy ending.

The story of “Florent” is a story of New York City; in other words, a story of change. When Morellet moved to the Meatpacking District it was still a working meat market. Almost singlehandedly, according to this film and the people in it, Morellet turned the area into the coolest place in town. Whether that is overstating the case, it’s clear that Morellet is a true renaissance man: a restauranteur, a political advocate, a cartographer, an artist, a philanthropist, even a children’s book author. He’s also got at least a few contradictions at his core: he loves preserving and restoring old things (like his diner, which he bought from its original owners, or the largest fireboat on the eastern seaboard, which he bought from the FDNY), but he hates nostalgia in all its forms. Given how intensely nostalgic this film is for his restaurant and for the days when the Meat Packing District was a haven for artists instead of yuppies, I wonder how he feels about it.

Yes, here’s yet another disaster we can blame on yuppies. Morellet was ultimately a victim of his own success; the transformation he helped create in the neighborhood eventually priced him out of his own restaurant. It’s a familiar story these days. Earlier this week the Upper East Side institution Elaine’s announced it, too, was closing after decades in the business. These amazing, unique places make it safe for banks and stores and cupcake bakeries; once they’ve brought in the money, they’re given the boot.

Director David Sigal lets his affection for Florent shine through, and he’s assembled a truly impressive list of celebrity testimonials, from Julianne Moore to Diane von Furstenberg to Isaac Mizrahi. His one mistake, I think, is to backload all of the actual narrative in the film — Morellet’s struggle to renew his expiring lease, his eventual decision to close, and his six week celebration of the artists and customers who made his restaurant special — into his documentary’s final 20 minutes. The rest of “Florent” is one endless series of talking heads and quirky anecdotes. It may have made more sense to organize the entire film around the closing, which then becomes the impetus to journey through the place’s history. It also would have been nice to see more of Morellet living his day to day life, rather than just constantly explaining what his day to day life is like. For documentary about such an unusual man, this is not a very unusual film.

Still, it is a fairly entertaining one, and for New Yorkers, a good conversation starter on the state of our city. Should we preserve places like the Meat Packing District? Or do we let progress and prosperity take their course? Maybe the most interesting thing about “Florent” is the fact that the film and its subject might have totally different answers to these questions.

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SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection (and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
Godfather-BIG

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
Coolio-Wonka

Billy Elliot

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
Missy-Billy-Elliott

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
Robin-Hood-and-Lil-Jon

And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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GIFs by Giphy

“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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GIFs via Giphy

The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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