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Five Alternate Endings That Could’ve Ruined Contemporary Film Classics

Five Alternate Endings That Could’ve Ruined Contemporary Film Classics (photo)

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Up until the advent of DVD, alternate endings could only exist in the audience’s imagination or as the product of movie industry lore. Few were ever seen beyond the studio’s gates, the general public never knowing that Deckard was outed as a replicant in the final minutes of the original cut of “Blade Runner” or Duckie won the heart of Andie in one version of “Pretty in Pink.” Often times, it was better this way since alternate endings are usually discarded for a reason, only occasionally resulting in something more interesting like the snipped conclusion to “I Am Legend.” Good or bad, the common link between them is they completely change the tone of the film. Obviously, there are spoilers ahead for the five modern classics that could’ve ended quite badly, not only for the film’s characters in most instances, but also for the films themselves which might not be held in such esteem if they didn’t stick the landing. (And though we couldn’t bring ourselves to call “Eagle Eye” and “Sweet Home Alabama” contemporary classics, their would-be climaxes need to be seen to be believed, so appropriately, they’ve been tacked on at the end.)

“Election” (1999)
Directed by Alexander Payne

Just this weekend, a reader of SlashFilm recently dug up the clip from a workprint of Alexander Payne’s high school-set comedy from an unmarked VHS tape bought at a flea market that doesn’t end with Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) leaving Nebraska. Instead, it plays upon a minor detail in Tom Perrotta’s original novel that Matthew Broderick’s disgraced teacher Mr. McAllister ultimately ended up as a car salesman rather than the docent gig he gets at the Museum of Natural History in New York in the version that became the final cut. Dropping the film’s satiric tone almost completely, a frightened Flick visits McAllister at the dealership where he works and asks to go on a test drive before she heads off to college.

Both make amends for their actions during the student body president election that drove each of them the school with McAllister offering an apology and Flick driving home to ask him to sign her empty yearbook — a sort of “love conquers all” ending, despite the fact it’s far sadder than the one Payne eventually went with since the characters show remorse, but no real growth. A possible sign of the melancholy feeling Payne would leave audiences with in his future films, “Election” simply proved to be the wrong film to go out on such a note. [UPDATE: The video below no longer works due to a copyright claim by Paramount.]

“Titanic” (1997)
Directed by James Cameron

Whether one loves or hates James Cameron’s love story on the leaky ship, there’s likely common ground that this potential ending that played up the neuroses of Bill Paxton’s treasure hunter Brock Lovett would’ve sunk the film. Rather than seguing directly into Gloria Stuart’s elderly Rose recalling the glory and the grandeur of the Titanic after her younger self sees the love of her life (Leonardo DiCaprio) shiver to death in front of her, Cameron felt the scene needed a little comic relief in the form of Lovett panicking after discovering that Rose had kept the invaluable Heart of the Ocean necklace all along. In both versions of the film, Rose drops the Heart of the Ocean into the water, but in the final cut, it’s poignant since Rose is alone, paying tribute to her lost love, whereas with Lovett around, it becomes a parody of itself as it’s suggested Rose might be considering suicide before she’s caught and gives an unnecessary “Aw, shucks” explanation that love is far more valuable than money before flinging the Heart of the Ocean into the water so that Paxton can mug as a greedy bastard. Shifting the focus from the epic romance the audience just witnessed to a bad afterschool special was very much out of character for the film, which highlights Cameron’s notoriously bad dialogue. However, the filmmaker was probably using his eyes far more while whittling down the final cut, realizing that making a trim would excise another six minutes from an already unwieldy three-hour running time and sparing the audience a corny lecture in the process.

“Clerks” (1994)
Directed by Kevin Smith

Back in 1994, Kevin Smith’s famously low-budget felt like a blast of irreverence, much in part to the first-time writer/director’s blisteringly funny dialogue and the fact that he brought a fresh perspective to filmmaking. But that inexperience came back to haunt Smith in the final act of the film where instead of leaving well enough alone with Dante and Randall, the two New Jersey counter jockeys whose repertee about subjects such as the feasibility of the Death Star construction powers the film along for 90 minutes. But in the form it originally premiered at Sundance, it was the final two that shocked audiences when out of nowhere, Dante is shot and robbed before the film cuts to black. If kept intact, the ending wouldn’t only have put a painful punctuation mark on one of the funniest comedies of the decade, but it would’ve cheated Smith out of a franchise that not only produced a sequel, but an animated series, countless toys and served as the basis for Smith’s entire View Askew universe.

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Keep It Weird

10 Hilarious “Weird Al” Cameos

Weird Al comes to Comedy Bang! Bang! starting June 3rd at 11P.

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Photo Credit: ABC

“Weird Al” has had one of the most unique careers in entertainment history. Sure, he made his name with parody songs, but he’s long since transcended simply poking fun at pop, becoming an American comedy staple in the process. With his new gig behind the keyboard on IFC’s Comedy Bang! Bang!, we thought we’d take a look back at just a few of his classic pop culture cameos, in which he showed he was more than just the man with the accordion and rhyming dictionary.

10. The Goldbergs

“Weird Al” came full circle with this recent cameo on this ’80s-set sitcom, once again donning the frizzy hair, mustache and Hawaiian shirt to return to his glorious retro roots.


9. Galavant

Galavant, the historical musical comedy series, was recently canceled by ABC, but not before we got to see Al as a doo-wop crooning monk who’d taken a “vow of singing.”


8. Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp

Wet Hot Weird Al
Netflix

With Wet Hot American Summer making a triumphant return last summer, we all should have known they would work in a bit in which “Weird Al” played a summer camp hypnotist who turned into assassin Jon Hamm.


7. Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Wet Hot Batman
Cartoon Network

“Weird Al” creates music for all ages, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that he occasionally pops up on Saturday Morning cartoons, like this turn on Batman: The Brave and the Bold, in which he got to battle the Joker and the Penguin alongside Batman, Robin and Scooby-Doo.


6. Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

Al has popped up on Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim’s bizarre ode to anti-comedy series a few times, but this wedding fever dream, straight out of the mind of a serial killer, really sort of sums it all up, whatever “all” is.


5. 30 Rock

Al is a man of many talents, but at the end of the day, he knows how to rip out a parody song with some bite. Here he puts his gifts to good use, writing lyrics to the 30 Rock theme song, and highlighting their lack of ratings in the process.


4. Halloween II

“Weird Al” shows up in just about the last place you would expect here, in Rob Zombie’s hard R horror remake. Playing a guest on what looks like an early version of Talking Dead, Al does some typical talk show shtick alongside Michael Meyers’ ethically compromised doctor, Samuel Loomis.


3. Transformers: Animated

Al has quite a history with the Transformers. His song “Dare to be Stupid” was used in 1986’s The Transformers: The Movie, and he also popped up as Wreck-Gar, a simple-minded robot brought to life by the All Spark, on Transformers: Animated.


2. The Naked Gun

Al’s stardom was ascendant in 1988, if this classic gag from Naked Gun was any indication. (He also did the theme song for the 1996 Leslie Nielsen comedy Spy Hard.)


1. Amazing Stories, “Miss Stardust”

Weird Al
NBC

Al’s first TV cameo might just be his, ahem, weirdest. As an alien affectionately known as “Cabbage Man,” “Weird Al” made quite the impression without even needing his trusty accordion.

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Sally Kellerman- Maron – Season 4, Episode 5

Hello Sally

5 Roles That Prove Sally Kellerman Is a Comedic Genius

Sally Kellerman returns to Maron this Wednesday at 9P on IFC.

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With her statuesque beauty and sarcastic verve, Sally Kellerman has put her stamp on several iconic TV and film roles. She always gave as good as she got, keeping her leading men on their toes. With Toni Maron returning to help Marc through a tough time on Wednesday’s brand new Maron, we thought it was time to revisit a few of Sally’s classic roles that prove she’s more woman than most of us can handle.

5. Judge Henderson, Moving Violations

Playing a saucy judge with a taste for bondage, Kellerman got to go full-on villain in this absurd comedy starring lesser Murray brother Joel. Who needs Bill when you’ve got Sally in a full leather getup?


4. Louise, Brewster McCloud

It takes some real talent to make a conversation about remaining celibate this sexy. Kellerman turns up the heat here, mixing sensuality with a mythic quality (she may be a fallen angel of some sort in this movie), that makes us want to forget Brewster’s dream of flying, and just spend a little more time with her on the ground.


3. Maron

Whether she’s dropping passive aggressive comments or searching for his love handles, Toni is the perfect representation of all of Marc Maron’s neuroses.


2. Back to School

Holey moley, when literature professor Dr. Diane Turner starts reading some sexy prose to her class, Rodney Dangerfield isn’t the only one whose eyes nearly pop out of his head. Kellerman proves yet again that she can mix class and crass with the best of them, playing the type of woman you can discuss erotic literature with — or just live it out with.


1. M*A*S*H

In perhaps her most iconic part, the one that scored her an Oscar nom, Kellerman plays the apple of a whole army base’s eye. It’s far from easy getting that kind of attention in the middle of a war zone, which Kellerman shows with one truly epic meltdown. Major “Hot Lips” Houlihan would make anyone’s grandpa’s war stories a littler bit easier to listen to.

Watch how Toni comes back into Marc’s life on this week’s Maron. 

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Southern Fried SNL

Watch Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein in SNL’s Southern Rock Supergroup

Fred and Carrie kept it mellow on the SNL season finale.

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Photo Credit: Saturday Night Live / NBC Universal

It was a veritable “band from comedy heaven” this weekend as a myriad of comedians assembled for a feel-good musical sketch in the Saturday Night Live season finale. Guest host Fred Armisen was joined by Portlandia cohort Carrie Brownstein as well as Maya Rudolph, Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis, Larry David, and members of the SNL cast to form faux-southern-rock supergroup The Harkin Brothers — a band whose members managed to outnumber its audience.

If The Harkin Brothers’ smooth vocal stylings remind you of The Blue Jean Committee from Documentary Now!, that’s probably not a coincidence. The BJC first appeared in a different, more regionally-specific form in a SNL sketch with Sudeikis on drums.

Watch an all-star SNL cast perform a mellow tribute to Arkansas called “Summertime in Fayetteville” in the video below.

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