DID YOU READ

A Brief Interview with the Whitest Kids U’Know’s Zach Creger

A Brief Interview with the Whitest Kids U’Know’s Zach Creger (photo)

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The fifth and final season of everyone’s favorite sketch comedy show The Whitest Kids U’Know is underway at IFC. We are showing new episodes of one of the wackiest, crassest, and funniest show around every Friday at 10:30 p.m. ET. As an added bonus each episode has another chapter of The Civil War on Drugs, the historical drama that the Kids made to document the journey to legalize marijuana during the war between the states.

As we bid farewell to the Whitest Kids, we are taking some time to chat with each member of the troupe and to get their thoughts on comedy, their favorite moments from the five seasons the series ran on IFC, and the Civil War on Drugs. Today, we talk to Zach Creger. He chatted with IFC’s Will Weinand about gross outs, some of his favorite sketchs, and, of course, his rap skills.

How did you get started in comedy?

My first comedic anything was when I was in high school and I was in an improv troop, which was called The Nation of Improv. It was pretty terrible, we would go around and do shows at malls and other high school auditoriums. It was pretty embarrassing when I look back at it, but at the time I thought it was the most fun I could ever imagine. That’s kind of why I kept my radar open in college to do something else like that.

What drew you to sketch?

I always loved sketch. Monty Python, Kids In the Hall and, even things like the early Adam Sandler albums. I remember laughing so hard at those and I always had a soft spot in my heart for sketch. So when I met people who wanted to form a sketch group, that was like “cool friends.” You know how when you first move to college and everyone’s so “I’ll be friends with you!” and everyone is so desperate to connect. So these guys who were cool were forming a sketch group, I liked to do sketch, so it was really a no-brainer.

After you guys got together, I’ve heard that you got the group name from someone who criticized your rap?

There’s a lot of different stories about that, I wasn’t there, but yeah. I mean, my rap is flawless, so they wouldn’t have said that to me.

What was it like going in to the first season of the show? I don’t think at the time there was another sketch show like it on the air.

Maybe not on TV, but (pauses) a lot of people say we’re like the Kids In the Hall only dirtier and I don’t really agree with that. For us, we’d been doing the live show for five years, so we had a really big body of work already written. So, when we got the TV show, it was so exciting because we were able to comb through our material and take the funniest sketches and then shoot the ones that would work best on TV. Season one was a rollercoaster of fun because the hardest part about sketch is the writing, and once you have something you know is funny, the rest of it is easy.

Do you have a favorite WKUK sketch? Out of all five seasons?

I really don’t. I wish I did because I get asked that question all the time. I think that there are some that are really successful, that I got to play a prominent part in that are my own personal gems. Like the Abe Lincoln sketch from the first season, or, I think the Grapist is really popular and I think it worked very well. I’m proud of those because they seem to have gotten a lot of attention and people come up to you on the street and that kind of feedback is always fun. They’re all kind of your babies. Some are certainly terrible, I’m not going to deny that, so there are some that I definitely don’t like, but other than that, I can’t pick a favorite.

Your take on Abe Lincoln is phenomenal. The first time I saw the assassination sketch I laughed until I almost blacked out. Not to spoil anything, but Abe Lincoln is also the last character you play in season five when he appears in “The Civil War on Drugs.”

Right, right, but it’s a VERY different take on Lincoln. I don’t even know if we had that discussion out loud, but I think someone did bring it up that “What if it was THAT Abe Lincoln?” And that would be funny for the show, if we brought it right back around to the beginning, but it wouldn’t have served the movie at all. The Lincoln from Season one would have been completely inappropriate for the movie, so, I think we made the right choice.

I thought it was nice that over the five seasons, Abe Lincoln had mellowed out and evolved.

Oh, y’know, maybe. Although, I don’t think that’s possible because the season one sketch is the night he died, so, unless he’s been reincarnated……

Other than Abe Lincoln, did you have a favorite character you got to play?

There’s a character in Season Three called “Instant Karma Bigot” that nobody seems to have latched on to. Maybe it’s just because it was such a difficult shoot. The whole sketch is one shot, with all these different stunts happening, like, getting hit with a bike and a bird, an air conditioner falls on me. It was really hard to coordinate everything happening in the same take, and I think that the take that we got was pretty good. I think it’s a funny sketch, but I also think I’m the only person who’s happy with that one. But I like it.

What was your favorite sketch from Season Five of WKUK?

I was really in to “Baked Beans,” but I think that was only because we got to shoot Timmy in the face with a cannon, and hurt him, so any time Timmy gets hurt I couldn’t be happier.

What’s the worst Timmy’s ever been hurt? One sketch in season five has him sitting on a light bulb.

Nah, that was a fake light bulb. I wish he’d been hurt so much worse. He seems to come away relatively unscathed, all the time. Sam’s broken his arm, Darren broke his arm, I got really badly clotheslined to the point of choking. Timmy got shot in the face with beans and he was cool. I wish we could have put something like gravel in with the beans. That would have been awesome.

What’s the toughest sketch you’ve ever done? From a wardrobe, or stunts or location perspective?

Honestly, Abe Lincoln in the first season was really terrible to shoot. We shot it in the dead of summer, there was no air conditioning, it had to be 100 degrees in there. I had a beard glued to my face that kept falling off because I was sweating so much. That was really, really bad, everyone was miserable. But then again, in The Civil War on Drugs, I play General Grant and I’m vomiting, but it’s soup, so I had soup all over me. And then I’m drinking this fake whiskey that was really just apple juice and honey and that was really sticky, I was covered in poison ivy, it was a billion degrees. I was sweating, again I had a beard glued to my face. That was just like, horrible. But, I knew it was the end of the series and it was one of the last things we shot, so I knew it was therapeutic. There have been some awful ones. Most of them involve high temperature.

Do you ever psyche yourself out where you know something is a prop, but you can’t help thinking about what the prop represents? For example, dog poo or human sick.

The dog poop was horrible, and so is the vomit. The only time I ever had to say “I can’t do this, I’ll barf” was the sketch where Trevor has his mouth wired shut and I was going to play this choking girl and he was going to give me CPR with his nose and, when we were writing it I was like “I can’t have you blow your nose into my mouth.” There’s something about that that struck me as the most disgusting thing in the world. So Darren and I swapped parts for that and he’s the girl. Darren didn’t seem to have a problem with it at all, he was like “I’ll do it!” But I think that’s more disgusting than having to drink your own vomit. Having someone blow their nose in to your mouth, that was the limit. I can’t do that.

I completely understand. What are the best and worst reactions you’ve ever had from a sketch?

The show is very polarizing. Some people hate the show and I totally get it. I don’t blame them. It’s a really niche show. We never thought everyone was going to like it, it’s not supposed to be that kind of a show. It’s supposed to be a show that a sliver of people love. And I think in that regard we’ve been successful, if you really want a small sliver of people to love a show, we nailed it!

In regards to worst reactions, in live shows we’ve had people stand up in the middle of sketches and stop the show and start screaming at us on stage.

Really?!

Oh yeah, that happened just a year ago at a show in San Francisco. There was this guy and I guess we offended him. I’m not surprised, I don’t feel bad that we offended him, I was more annoyed that we had to stop the show to have him removed because he wouldn’t stop yelling. On the TV show, we’ll get angry mail. But after the episode has been on the air, there’s not much they can do to beyond getting angry.

But, there’s the positive side too, right? What are the sketches that when you perform live, or when fans see you on the street they’re like “I love that one!”?

Oh, yeah, there are definitely the ones that people love. Slow Jerk, Lincoln, Grape-ist, the ones that were the break-outs. But then there are those sketches where a fan comes up to you and says, “The best sketch you guys ever did was …..!” and they’ll say some sketch that was unanimously terrible and everyone looks at each other blankly and says “Thanks, man.” You never know what people are going to like. When we shot Slow Jerk, we thought it was not a good sketch. We just blasted right through it, in about half an hour and were like, “That’s in the bucket, maybe it will make the airwaves.” And it winds up being one of our most successful sketches. So you never know what people are going to connect with.

I’ve seen some of the sketches that were “too hot” to air, and back in Season three there’s the one where you and Trevor apologize to the audience because there’s going to be a dick in the episode, and you bring Timmy out as this German psychologist who’s going to help the audience when the dick shows up, and the sketch as a whole, right down to when the dick shows up, is hilarious.

Thanks. I thought that was really funny sketch too. I wish we could have seen that go to air.

If you had to be a character from a WKUK sketch for the rest of your life, who would it be? And you can pick a character you didn’t play.

Oooh. Stuck for the rest of my life as this character?

Yes.

OK, I can answer this. There was a character I played, I think it was in Season 4, called JJ Marvin who was basically a take on GG Allin, the famous punk singer, but JJ was a hippie. So he’s singing these happy Mamas and the Papas songs, but at the same time he’s shitting on the stage, cutting himself and pissing on the audience, all the while wearing a smile. I think he’s heavily disturbing and that sketch is really upsetting, but I love it. So I’ be him, I love the idea of a beaming joy of a man who delights in shitting and cutting himself.

Out of all the fact products that have been advertised on the show, which one would you want for yourself?

How about the vacuum cleaner that sucks dicks really good from “Rip Your Dick Off”?

OK. Moving on to The Civil War on Drugs, I haven’t seen a sketch comedy troop make a movie within a season before, and I don’t think I’ve seen a long form, multiple character sketch film since “Brain Candy.” What was it like making that?

It was pretty incredible. We made that on a really tight budget, and to make a period piece film on a small budget while also making the regular season is really hard. A movie like that would typically be made for our entire season budget, but we had to make that and another two-thirds of a season. We made most of it by scraping by, most that film was shot in two separate fields and I’m really proud because I don’t think it looks like that. It was really about using your brain to get that look. I’m proud of it. I had to leave for another project while we were still editing, so I didn’t get to see the final product. Trevor and I made a film that didn’t succeed a couple years ago and I was afraid it was going to be another one of those. So, I reluctantly went to a screening of the whole movie put together in LA a couple weeks ago and I was so happy to see that it worked, and that it made the audience laugh and that the thing worked together as a whole. I was really relieved and I am immensely proud of that.

I got to watch all the chapters in a row in one sitting, and I thought you guys did a great job building the hooks at the climax of each chapter, but it also really works well when you watch the movie as a whole.

Originally it was going to be four chapters, four entire episodes dedicated to the Civil War on Drugs with the cliffhangers at commercial breaks and episode endings, but it was decided that having installments run throughout the season worked better for the show.

Well, it’s working. People are talking on Twitter about tuning in every week to see what happens next.

Are they? That’s awesome. I’m not on Twitter so I’ll have to check that out.

Twitter is kind of like Soylent Green.

By that you mean it’s people?

Feeding other people.

Ha! So, did that cover all your questions?

Yes. Thanks for taking the time to talk to us.

Yeah, thanks, this was fun.

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Swimming To Cambodia Spalding Gray

Gray's Anatomy

Everything You Need to Know About the Movie That Inspired “Parker Gail’s Location is Everything”

Brand new Documentary Now! airs Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Cinecom Pictures

This week Documentary Now! spotlights a master monologist with “Parker Gail’s Location is Everything.” Before you tune in at 10P this Wednesday on IFC, check out our guide to Swimming to Cambodia, the 1987 film that captured writer/performer Spalding Gray’s acclaimed one-person show.

Spalding Gray 101

Swimming to Cambodia
Cinecom Pictures

Actor and renowned monologist Spalding Gray spent two years on stage perfecting his Obie Award-winning “Swimming to Cambodia” monologue. In it, Gray tells the story of his eight weeks in Southeast Asia while shooting the 1984 Academy Award-winning movie The Killing Fields. He had a small role, but the experience gave him several anecdotes about hanging out with the film crew and experiencing the local culture, all while searching for “the perfect moment.”

Directed by the Silence of the Lambs Guy

Hannibal Lecter
Orion Pictures/Everett Collection

Acclaimed filmmaker Jonathan Demme took Gray’s two-night, four hour performance and crafted it down to 85 minutes. His use of dramatic lighting, stylish camerawork and a score by performance artist Laurie Anderson was praised by critics and earned the film a cult following. No stranger to groundbreaking docs, Demme also directed the 1984 Talking Heads concert film Stop Making Sense, which Documentary Now! pays tribute to in this season’s episode “Final Transmission.”

All about the Voices

While it may have been a one-man show, Gray created a repertoire of characters all with distinctive accents. (He portrayed conversations between himself and others just by turning his head.) Our favorite impressions are of his demanding girlfriend Renee and Ivan Strasberg, the South African director of photography on The Killing Fields who, as depicted by Gray, sounds a bit like a Jamaican surfer.

The Original Cranky New Yorker

In one memorable scene, Gray rants about how his noisy upstairs artist neighbors are driving him and Renee crazy. Even in the mid-’80s, there were New Yorkers complaining that the city wasn’t what it used to be.

Show and Tell

Swimming to Cambodia
Cinecom Pictures/YouTube

A big fan of visual aids, Gray used pull-down maps to illustrate his travels. This helped to bring Swimming to Cambodia to life, since he’s basically sitting at a desk the entire time.

Inspired One-Person Shows

Gray’s groundbreaking performances in Swimming and other documentaries like Monster in a Box and the Steven Soderbergh-directed Gray’s Anatomy (about Gray’s struggle with a rare eye condition) paved the way for future one-person shows. (We wouldn’t have everything from Carrie Fisher’s “Wishful Drinking” to Mike Birbiglia’s “Sleepwalk With Me” without him.) Even Doc Now! star Fred Armisen got into the one-person show act for his recent SNL monologue.

Catch Documentary Now!’s tribute to Spalding Gray when “Parker Gail: Location Is Everything” premieres Wednesday, September 28th at 10P on IFC. 

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Rocky IV Stallone Lundgren

Burning Heart

10 Reasons Why Rocky IV Is the Ultimate Rocky Movie

Catch an all-day Rocky movie marathon this Friday, September 30th on IFC.

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Photo Credit: United Artists/Everett Collection

Sure, most people love the first Rocky for its heart, gripping boxing scenes and the classic training montage. Or, you might love Creed for being both a return-to-form and a new exploration of the Rocky mythology. Maybe the thrill of seeing Mr. T and Hulk Hogan in the same movie makes Rocky III your top pick. Well, sorry, you’re wrong: Rocky IV is the greatest of all the “Italian Stallion”‘s movies.

Before you watch the all-day Rocky movie marathon this Friday, September 30th on IFC (with Rocky IV airing at 8P as part of Rotten Fridays), check out a few reasons to appreciate the fourth installment as the king of the series.

1. The Greatest Opening Ever

How many openings are able to sum up the entire conflict of the film in less than a minute and without a single line of dialogue? And how many of those movies have exploding boxing gloves? Just try to watch the opening sequence above and not be completely psyched for the pumped-up flick to come.


2. Montages!

We all know that the best part of any sports movie is the montage, and Rocky IV doesn’t give you one measly montage. There’s a recap of the previous films montage, a getting to Russia Montage, two training montages and an ending fight montage. That’s five montages! There’s probably a montage of montages snuck in there, too.


3. There’s a Full James Brown Musical Number

This movie is so packed with memorable moments, it’s easy to forget one of the first things that happens in the film: Apollo comes out to fight Drago dressed as a shirtless Uncle Sam, while James Brown and a full band play “Living in America.” To drive home the number’s patriotism, there are dancers in tuxedos and top hats, weird unitards and bowler caps, and bedazzled showgirls with headpieces for miles. Oh, and don’t forget the giant tentacled dragon statue on the stage. This is how every boxing match should start. Heck, this is how we always want to enter a room.


4. The Soundtrack

The Rocky IV soundtrack doesn’t just feature James Brown — it has rock anthems galore, all of which make you immediately want to hit the gym. From “Heart’s on Fire” by John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band to “Sweetest Victory” by Touch to multiple Survivor jams, you’ll get pumped and stay pumped. Even the instrumental score rocks! Sure, sometimes it sounds like it was made on a kids Casio, but this soundtrack never quits and — to quote Robert Tepper — never takes the easy way out.


5. Abs!

Rocky IV weights

Every Rocky movie shows off Stallone’s incredible physique, but Rocky IV really ups the game. Not only do we get Dolph Lundgren mostly shirtless looking like a man machine, but we get a wide variety of scenes of Stallone doing impossible tasks. Stallone’s crazy dragon fly crunches, aka a thing no human should be able to do, automatically take this movie to the top.


6. Two words: Ivan Drago

Ivan Drago
United Artists

Not only does Rocky IV explore the global conflict between the US and the Soviet Union, but it encapsulates all of our fears of the Cold War in one perfect villain. Ivan Drago only trains with machines and science and looks like he stepped out of an Aryan Nations recruitment poster. He also only responds in short, cold phrases like “If he dies, he dies,” or “I must break you.” There’s never been a villain who we so clearly want to get the crap beat out of than Ivan Drago.


7. Rocky Makes Chores Look Badass

Rocky saw
United Artists

Rocky doesn’t need to be hooked up to machines to become the perfect fighter. All he needs are huge tires and some outdoor chores to do. No one’s ever looked cooler chopping wood and using tractor parts. Half of his training is lifting an old wagon, probably to fix a broken axle. If anything, this film inspires us to take care of that gardening work we’ve been neglecting.


8. Rocky’s Beard

Rocky IV Beard

Stallone’s beard game is truly on point in Rocky IV. And this isn’t some “I forgot to shave, here’s a little stubble” look. No, we get full out, lumberjack-style beard action. Does any other Rocky movie have our hero looking like an old Russian aristocrat? Another point for Rocky IV.


9. There’s a robot!

Again, there’s so much to Rocky IV, you probably forgot about the robot. Well, Rocky has some money now and he’s not going to spend it on frivolous things for himself. He’s going to buy Paulie a robot! The best part of this scene is how truly disturbed Paulie is by this new technology until he gives it a sexy lady voice.


10. Rocky Ends the Cold War

If you’re still not convinced that Rocky IV is the greatest, answer this question: Does any other Rocky movie bring peace between the US and Russia?

By the end of the film, Rocky rises up to beat the seemingly undefeatable Drago. He fights so well, that even the Russians begin to appreciate his skills. Then, instead of using his victory to prove America’s superiority, he gives a rousing speech of “If I can change and you can change, everybody can change!” The whole crowd goes wild, including all of the Russian government, who we assume give up Communism immediately based solely on Rocky’s words. Stallone’s call for international reconciliation through brutal fighting and a variety of montages makes this if not one of the greatest films of all time, certainly the greatest Rocky of them all.

Catch the “Too Rotten to Miss” movie Rocky IV this Friday at 8P on IFC. 

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Optimus Prime in TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION, from Paramount Pictures.

Rotten Apples

10 Rotten Movie Franchises That Need to Stop

Catch the "Too Rotten to Miss" movie Scary Movie 2 tonight at 8P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection

We live in the age of the blockbuster movie franchise. If you want a green-light, you better have tights, a light saber and decades worth of backstory and fan love to build on. And while we love some of these franchises, some just keep getting new entries despite horrible reviews, audience indifference and an utter lack of care from even the people making them.

With IFC and Rotten Tomatoes celebrating “too rotten to miss” movies like Scary Movie 2 this month, we thought it high time to point out just a few franchises than should be retired to the bottom of your Netflix queue. Here are 10 “rotten” movies franchise that need to just go away, please.

10. Transformers

Transformers
Dreamworks Pictures

Hollywood execs, we get it. You grew up in the ’80s, and now you want to produce everything you loved as a child, only make it a lot worse. Here’s the thing: while a show like Stranger Things took all the tropes and style of ’80s movies, and created something new, lingerie commercial director Michael Bay went the opposite way, taking a title and basic concept, and creating a pile of garbage made out of robot parts.

If poop jokes mixed with racism, misogyny and incoherent fight scenes are your thing, this is the franchise for you. If you have even the slightest respect for character or basic story logic, you have to admit this franchise has been awful from frame one. Yes, we were alive in the ’80s, but some things are best left in the past. Unfortunately, with a sixth movie, a Bumblebee spin-off and a proposed G.I. Joe/Transformers crossover movie in the works, this franchise will probably outlive us all.


9. Scary Movie

Scary Movie
Dimension Films

True, its been a couple of years since we’ve been subjected to one of these, but you know that Jamie Kennedy or the Epic Movie guys are sitting in a writers room somewhere, pitching jokes on how to merge The Purge with a fart joke. This franchise started out in a mediocre place, a Wayans family knockoff of better movies like Airplane, and things went downhill from there. You shouldn’t be able to spin five movies out of a few Scream jokes and a Carmen Electra cameo.


8. Alvin and the Chipmunks

Alvin and the Chipmunks
20th Century Fox

Designed to appeal to kids who love ’50s novelty albums and pun-y titles, the Chipmunk franchise feels like it was made by a prop comic from the Uncanny Valley. Full of rapping CGI rodents, and a paycheck cashing Jason Lee, 20th Century Fox has somehow made over a billion dollars off a series of diminishing “Squeakquels.” We do secretly sort of hope these movies keep getting made, just so David Cross keeps getting forced to star in them.


7. X-Men

X-Men Oscar Isaac
20th Century Fox

If we can all be honest with ourselves, these movies have been a mixed bag for the past decade. (Even the foul-mouthed spin-off Deadpool made fun of how self-serious the franchise has become.) In an ever expanding quest to turn the series into a dumbed-down version of the moody mutants’ ’90s cartoon, the stories have gotten paper-thin, the performances phoned in and the monster makeup just this side of Grimace cosplay. (We’re looking at you, X-Men: Apocalypse.)

Do we really need to see Hugh Jackman’s take on Wolverine for the ninth time? There is only so much steamed chicken and protein powder this man can eat before this franchise legitimately becomes a form of torture. Fox Studios, there are enough superheroes on the big screen right now. Maybe let this one go, and a decade from now Marvel can reclaim it and make some good movies again.


6. Tarzan

Tarzan
Warner Bros.

There have been over 200 projects starring Tarzan since pictures started motioning at the turn of the last century. 200! This vaguely racist story of a white man taming the, ahem, Dark Continent, has been told ad nauseam. We know Hollywood loves to keep beating iconic characters into the ground, and Tarzan probably has near universal name recognition, but that doesn’t mean that anyone wants to, you know, go and watch a movie about the guy, no matter how ripped Alexander Skarsgard’s abs are.


5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Tarzan
Paramount Pictures

These “heroes in a half shell” were a stretch for movie stardom back at the peak of their popularity, but thanks to some ingenious work by The Jim Henson Company, and Vanilla Ice’s “Ninja Rap,” they were able to have a moment during the early ’90s.

Now, decades later, Michael Bay’s desperate desire to ruin all of our childhoods has found its way to these pizza loving turtles with ‘tude. The CGI monstrosities that have resulted can barely be called movies. Like the Transformers franchise, but with more creepy scenes of an anthropomorphic turtle hitting on Megan Fox, these movies are a nail in the coffin of ’80s nostalgia, and need to be put to bed before Bay starts sniffing around the Thundercats.


4. Now You See Me

Now You See Me
Summit Entertainment

Magic tricks are impressive when you see them performed live. The fun is in wondering how they could possibly do that. When you watch a bunch of Christopher Nolan castoffs performing CGI tricks created in post production, the only thing you’re left wondering is what the point even was.

This is perhaps the strangest movie franchise to come along in awhile, a collection of genres tropes quilted together by a cavalcade of filmdom’s best supporting actors. Take a bit of Ocean’s Eleven, and a touch of The Prestige. Add a pinch of Morgan Freeman and James Franco’s brother, and cross your fingers that audiences will be dumb enough to line up for a sequel to that movie they didn’t totally hate when they saw it on an airplane that time.


3. God’s Not Dead

Pure Flix Entertainment
Pure Flix Entertainment

The Christian movie genre has blown-up over the last decade. God’s Not Dead, and its sequel, were beneficiaries of this expanding audience, raking in tens of millions of dollars at the box office. But, despite connecting with an audience, all is not well in God’s Not Dead-land.

These insipid movies, that never met a straw man they didn’t hate, tell laughable stories about the evils of college campuses and the ACLU, full of cartoonish villains whose sole purpose in life is to crush good Christian souls. With a “who’s who” of “Remember Them??” in the cast, including TV’s Superman Dean Cain and TV’s Hercules Kevin Sorbo, these movies are as poorly produced as the message they’re espousing. God may not be dead, but the careers of the filmmakers behind these movies should be.


2. Bridget Jones

Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures

It’s been more than a decade since the last Bridget Jones movie was foisted on us, and in that time young Bridget has remained the same self-involved, unrealistically clumsy mess. With pacing that makes each movie feel 10 hours long, sub-par slapstick and an unlikeable lead, the Bridget Jones trilogy too often feels like Sex and the City without the sex or the city.

Just because the book series your franchise is based on churns out another entry doesn’t necessarily mean you need to get the gang back together. Well, some of the gang, considering Hugh Grant wisely let Dr. McDreamy himself Patrick Dempsey fill in for him this go around. Remember when Renee Zellweger was an acclaimed, Oscar-winning actress? Yeah, that was a long time ago…


1. Avatar

20th Century Fox
20th Century Fox

Seriously, is anyone really excited for the four sequels that James Cameron has promised us to this box office breaking blockbuster from 2009? Yes, at the time the 3D wonderland of CGI planets and tail sex was a revelation, making us overlook the fact that we were watching a hokey Dances With Wolves knockoff starring an actor with the approximate charisma of a broken toaster. But over the last few years, Avatar has slipped from the public consciousness. When’s the last time you popped in your Blu-ray of it, or saw someone cosplaying a Na’vi, or even mentioned it in casual conversation? If Cameron were making one sequel, okay, but four? FOUR? Maybe it’s best to just remember Avatar for what it was — a blue-hued fluke, and move on.

Catch the “Too Rotten to Miss” flick Scary Movie 2 this Friday at 8P on IFC.

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