“Spanking The Monkey” And Other Movies Not To Watch With Your Mom

“Spanking The Monkey” And Other Movies Not To Watch With Your Mom (photo)

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Tonight at 12:15 p.m. ET we are showing the brilliantly twisted or, shall we say, slightly off, comedy “Spanking the Monkey”. Directed by David O. Russell and starring Jeremy Davies (of “Lost” and “Justified” fame) the movie tells the tale of a very close relationship between an invalid mother and her son who is home from college to help while she recuperates. Locked in the house things take a turn for the uncomfortable that has the audience squirming. Woe be the child watching this movie with mom and dad. This got us thinking about those films that take a normal night at the movies and elevates it to traumatizing by virtue of being viewed in front of your parents, or worse, grandparents. Here is a list of movies to avoid watching when home for the holidays:

First up, “Spanking the Monkey” (dir. David O. Russell):

“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (dir. Nicholas Stoller): We love our patron saint Judd Apatow, but would we want to sit next to our parents while watching full frontal Jason Segel? No we would not.

“Happiness” (dir. Todd Solondz): With a name like “Happiness” how could this not be a sweet family film? In short, it’s not. Ranging from divorce to misery to sexual abuse to budding sexuality this black comedy is a brilliant film that should be watched a minimum of two states away from your parents:

“Borat” (dir. Larry Charles): A Khazakstani film about life in America? Sounds like a funny way to spend an afternoon with the ‘rents, right? All depends on how funny they find naked male wrestling:

“Jerry Maguire” (dir. Cameron Crowe): You think it’s a nice movie about a sports agent perfect for a Sunday afternoon with your dad …and then comes a 15 minute sex scene. You’ve been warned.

“Black Swan” (dir. Darren Aronofsky): Thinking about taking your mom to see an Oscar-winning film starring that nice Natalie Portman? Think again. From severe mommy issues to NSFW scenes, this movie will have you squirming in your seat for more reasons than just the dramatic tension if you’re sitting next to mom.

“Kids” (dir. Larry Clark): What could sound more family friendly than a movie called “Kids”? The title makes it seem like a lesser known Pixar production perfect for family movie night. The story of these city kids will fill your parents’ hearts with horror and make them start questioning what you did during that last year of high school and demand to know when you took your last HIV test.

“Eyes Wide Shut” (dir. Stanley Kubrick): There is no good reason you would ever stumble into this movie with your parents. It’s Kubrick for crying out loud! Not exactly known for his family friendly fare, but maybe you walked in the wrong theater or the wrong disc came from Netflix and you decide to go for it? Don’t. Grandma will cut you out of the will if you show her anonymous, culty sex scenes.

“Spanking the Monkey” airs on IFC at 12:15 a.m. ET

Photo via Creative Commons by daveynin. Thanks!

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Documentary Now! Robert Evans Mansion

The Reel Deal

Everything You Need To Know About “Mr. Runner Up” Inspiration Robert Evans

Watch the two-part finale of Documentary Now! this Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

In its upcoming two-part finale, Documentary Now! spoofs the crown jewel of docs: The Kid Stays In The Picture. It’s the autobiographical documentary about Robert Evans, the unlikely Hollywood mogul whose mix of self-aggrandizing bravado, classic good looks and extremely circumstantial good luck took him from being a salesman to an actor to the head of Paramount Pictures.

If you’ve never seen the film, it’s totally worth it. Rotten Tomatoes agrees, with a staggeringly-high approval rating. Watch it before, or watch it after — doesn’t matter. You’ll appreciate it whenever.

In the meantime, here’s a bit of background that will come in handy…

Robert Loves Robert

Robert Evans desk

USA Films/Everett Collection

Robert Evans is the ultimate Robert Evans fan. The movie was narrated by Robert Evans and based on his memoir of the same name. It is totally unbiased.

He’s Kind Of A Big Deal

Robert Evans, Chinatown
Paramount Pictures

Evans produced some of Hollywood’s true classics: Chinatown, Rosemary’s Baby, The Godfather, Love Story…the list goes on. Totally legit and amazing movies.

He’s Also Kind Of A Joke

Wag The Dog
New Line Cinema

Evans has been parodied in TV shows and movies like Entourage and Wag The Dog. He is the quintessential “producer” you already have in your head.

So Wrong He’s Right

Robert Evans Slap
20th Century Film Corp

Robert Evans is a notorious narcissist whose love of self is so blind and sincere that it’s actually adorable.

There’s Something Missing

via Giphy

Entire sections of Robert Evans’ life are left out of the documentary. Maybe it’s because of timing. Maybe it’s because real life isn’t a tidy narrative. Who knows.

He Blew It

Spider coke

Evans had a pretty spectacular fall from grace. He was convicted of cocaine trafficking in the early 80’s, and was connected to a contract killing during the production of The Cotton Club. Oops.

Losing Is For Losers

Everett Collection
Everett Collection

In the Robert Evans mythology, all tragedies are just triumphs in disguise, and every story has a happy ending…for Robert Evans.

Bill Hader Jerry Wallach

With these simple facts in hand you are now prepared to thoroughly enjoy the two-part finale of Documentary Now! starting this Wednesday at 10/9c on IFC.

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Weird Roles

Anthony Michael Hall’s Most Rotten Movies

Catch Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science on Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Universal/Everett Collection

Anthony Michael Hall was the quintessential ’80s nerd. We love him in classics like The Breakfast Club and National Lampoon’s Vacation. But even the brainiest among us has his weak spots. In honor of Weird Science airing this Rotten Friday, we analyze Hall’s worst movies.

Weird Science (1985) 56%

A low point for John Hughes, Weird Science is way too wacky for its own good. Anthony Michael Hall’s Gary and his pal Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) create the “perfect woman.” Supernatural chaos ensues. The film costars a young Bill Paxton, floppy disks, and a general disconnect from all reality.

The Caveman’s Valentine (2001) 46%

This ambitious drama starring Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t live up to its rich premise. Jackson plays Romulus, a Juilliard-educated, paranoid schizophrenic who lives in a cave. Hall co-stars as Bob, a rich man, who wants to see Romulus play the piano. The plot centers around Romulus investigating a murder, but with so much going on, the movie never quite finds its rhythm.

All About the Benjamins (2002) 30%

Ice Cube plays a bounty hunter who teams up with Mike Epps’ con man to catch diamond thieves. Hall plays Lil J, a small-time drug dealer. It’s definitely a role we’ve never seen Hall in, but overall the movie isn’t funny or original enough to justify its violence.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) 11%

This showcase for Tom Green’s goofy gross-out comedy is often hailed as one of the worst films of all time. Green plays Gord, a 20-something slacker, who dreams of having his own animated series. Hall is Dave Davidson, a CEO of an animation studio who eventually helps Gord find success. Too bad Tom Green wasn’t so lucky.

Johnny Be Good (1988) 0%

Hall plays against type as Johnny Walker, a star quarterback. Robert Downey Jr. is his best friend and Uma Thurman plays his devoted girlfriend. Despite the support of a future A-list cast, the movie lacks central conflict and charm. Or, as TV Guide put it, “Johnny be worthless.” Ouch.

Catch the “Too Rotten to Miss” Weird Science this Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Season 6: Episode 1: Pickathon

Binge Fest

Portlandia Season 6 Now Available On DVD

The perfect addition to your locally-sourced, artisanal DVD collection.

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End of summer got you feeling like:

Portlandia Toni Screaming GIF

Ease into fall with Portlandia‘s sixth season. Relive the latest exploits of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s cast of characters, including Doug and Claire’s poignant breakup, Lance’s foray into intellectual society, and the terrifying rampage of a tsukemen Noodle Monster! Plus, guest stars The Flaming Lips, Glenn Danzig, Louis C.K., Kevin Corrigan, Zoë Kravitz, and more stop by to experience what Portlandia is all about.

Pick up a copy of the DVD today, or watch full episodes and series extras now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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