Schwarzen-Watch: Arnold Shops Fifth “Terminator”

Schwarzen-Watch: Arnold Shops Fifth “Terminator” (photo)

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IFC.com’s film writer, Matt Singer, is the biggest Arnold Schwarzenegger fan on the planet. He blogs any time any news about Schwarzenegger’s return to acting, no matter how flimsy or improbable, hits the Internet.

Deadline better not be playing. They say that Arnold Schwarzenegger “is attached to star in a rights package that CAA is shopping today that will revive ‘The Terminator.'” I would write my reaction but it’s hard to type while your crying. While I wipe away the tears of joy, let me give you a little more of Deadline’s report:

“Universal, Sony and Lionsgate, and CBS Films are looking hard at the package… Rumor is the project price tag is at least $25 million upfront, against a purchase price near $36 million, not including paydays for Schwarzenegger or [director Justin] Lin… there is no set price, but this will likely be a whopping sale by the time the dust has settled and the bidding is complete.”

Now I know what you’re thinking: Schwarzenegger is coming up on 64 years old. He was stretching things (not to mention the skin on his face) playing the Terminator in “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines” and that was eight years ago (it’s actually one of the things that makes that film so fascinating, but we’ll leave that discussion for another time). I know that his CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer, but c’mon: Schwarzenegger’s put a lot of miles on that chassis.

So how could he do it now? Realistically, he couldn’t. What he could do, though, is play himself using motion capture technology the same way Jeff Bridges became young Kevin Flynn in “Tron: Legacy.” Now I know what you’re thinking again (I’m totally telepathic and stuff): young Jeff Bridges didn’t look like a real perso in “Tron: Legacy.” That’s fine, says I. Remember: Terminators aren’t real people. If there was something just a little off about their appearance, it might be kind of interesting, particularly if Schwarzenegger played an evil Terminator again (or, given the potential for motion capture many evil Terminators). An Arnold down at the wrong end of the Uncanny Valley would generate the sort of creepy vibe you want from a life-impersonating death machine. The illusion might actually be more effective if it’s less convincing.

$25 to $36 million is a lot to pay for just the rights, considering the hundreds of millions you’d still need to sink into the production. The last two “Terminator”s, while successful, were not exactly runaway blockbusters; the fourth film, “Salvation,” wound up grossing just $125 million domestically and the last Arnold “Terminator,” “Rise of the Machines,” made $150 million. The novelty of Schwarzenegger back in the leather jacket and sunglasses would certainly be good for publicity, but who knows how good it would be for box office: 90s nostalgia hasn’t done much for “Scream 4.”

Attached to direct “Terminator: Rise of the Assisted Breathing Machines” (couldn’t resist) is “Fast Five”‘s Justin Lin. After three “Fast & Furious” pictures, Lin’s action chops are well-established. But the guy from “Fast Five” I’d rather see Schwarzenegger hook up with is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Right before he moved into politics, Schwarzenegger made a symbollic passing-the-torch cameo in Johnson’s “The Rundown.” Not good enough for me. I want to see these two titans fighting over that torch with fiery swords on top of a mountain of elephant bones. It would be so beautiful. Hold on, I’m crying again. Talk amongst yourselves.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”

Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”

But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.


It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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