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ONN Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man

ONN Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man (photo)

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Breaking News: A train accident in Braxton, CA has captured the attention of the nation. Luckily, The Onion News Network has more than 100 subsidiary news channels, five separate Onion Business Channels, the Onion Prison Network, and OnionAisle, a news channel played on department store electronics display models. Globally, Onion-branded channels reach 811 countries in 152 languages. The Onion News Network is one component of the larger Onion media empire which includes the Onion Broadcasting Channel (OBC) for general programming, Onion Pictures for major film releases, and the Onion News Bar & Grill with more than 2,000 restaurant locations nationwide. So rest assured, they have the story covered.

The Onion News Network’s autistic reporter Michael Falk is on the scene. He says the stainless steel CometLiner 2 car was lucky enough to escape unharmed from its collision with a man. Here’s the full report:

The Onion News Network airs tonight on IFC at 10 p.m. ET

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Bad Moms

Mother Muckers

Watch Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell and Kathryn Hahn Slam Motherhood in the Bad Moms Trailer

Catch Mila Kunis on That '70s Show Mondays and Tuesdays starting at 6P on IFC.

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STX Entertiainment

They say that bringing a child into this world is the most treasured and life-fulfilling thing you can do. But once sacrificing all your time, energy, and money into a marginally grateful person wears thin, there’s not much left for fulfillment. And as three moms contending with carpools and PTA meetings, Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn reject the entire notion of modern motherhood and vow to become Bad Moms, a new film by The Hangover writers Jon Lucas and Scott Moore.

Watch Mila Kunis and her pals join forces against motherhood and uptight school administrator Christina Applegate in the NSFW trailer below. And be sure to catch Mila in her younger days on That ’70s Show every Monday and Tuesday starting at 6P.

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Sally Kellerman- Maron – Season 4, Episode 5

Cheers to Mom

Send Mom Some Love With an IFC Mother’s Day Card

Give mom the gift of IFC this Mother's Day.

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Ah, May. A month of blooming flowers, fluttering butterflies, and a shrieking barrage of guilt come Mother’s Day. But rather than bearing the brunt of shame and misery when you can’t see Mom this year, smooth things over with an official IFC Mother’s Day card. They say everything you’re too busy to say over the phone, like would it kill you to ever dial a number and talk to the woman who gave you life? And would it be the end of the world if you found a better job and settled down with someone nice? But no, it’s fine. She’ll make do with one of these cards, featuring characters from Portlandia, Maron and Comedy Bang! Bang!. Check them out below, and be good to mom this year.

Mother's Day Portlandia

Mother's Day Portlandia

Mother's Day Maron

Mother's Day CBB

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Marc Maron – Dave Anthony – Maron – Season 4, Episode 2

Snark Attack

5 Times Maron’s Dave Anthony Had the Perfect Response

Maron returns May 4th at 9P on IFC.

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Dave Anthony, standup and podcaster extraordinaire, has stealthily become a one-liner machine on Maron, playing Marc’s deadpan “frenemy.” While Dave may often say the wrong thing, we always seem to relate to him in some secret, shameful way. Before you catch Dave on the season premiere of Maron this Wednesday, May 4th at 9P, check out a few times it felt like he was living our life — and messing it up just as much as we are.

1. That moment when we realize no one is listening to our podcast.

Maron Dave Anthony


2. Or when we remember that feelings are just nature’s way of saying it’s time to eat more ice cream.

Maron Dave Anthony


3. That feeling you get when you realize you’ll do anything if someone else is paying.

Maron Dave Anthony


4. For those times when we want to fight the power.

Maron Dave Anthony

Maron Dave Anthony

Maron Dave Anthony


5. And of course, for those times when we realize that life is about accomplishing the little things.

Maron Dave Anthony

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