DID YOU READ

Five Things We Would Rather Watch Than The Royal Wedding

Five Things We Would Rather Watch Than The Royal Wedding (photo)

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As you may have heard, the future King of England is getting hitched tomorrow. The elaborate marriage ceremony of Prince William to commoner (it could have been you!) Kate Middleton is scheduled to start at 11 a.m. London time, which is 6 a.m. ET and 3 a.m. PT. A certain set of the global population is very very excited for this event. Seriously, check out The Daily Beast’s gallery of royal watchers who have been driven to their dark place by the impending nuptials. But for many of us, a wedding between strangers, is just that, two people you don’t know tying the knot in a far off country that has a quaint little monarchy. Just because you don’t want to watch the wedding, doesn’t mean you can’t collect the commemorative …er, barf bags.

But, since the royal wedding is taking over much of the early morning television dial, what are you to do if you are an insomniac or an early riser and a royal wedding just isn’t your cup of tea? Well, you could look at Life’s collection of photos of Animals Getting Married. Or you could DVR Steve Carell’s last episode of “The Office” which airs tonight at 9 p.m. ET and watch it again and again as you cry. Or you can take a look at our list of five things we would rather be watching at 6 a.m. than the royal wedding. Although, realistically, we will be sleeping or watching our coffee maker as it drips.

5. “Angel” on TNT. The spin-off of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” follows Angel (David Boreanaz) as he leaves Sunnydale for a life of supernatural crime fighting in Los Angeles. Assisted by a motley crew of former watchers, paranormal pals, and Cordelia, the show is a fun way to spend an hour in the Whedon-verse.

4. “I Love Lucy” on Hallmark. Start your day with the wacky hijinx of Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, Vivian Vance, and William Frawley. You never know where an episode of “I Love Lucy” will end up, but you know you will be laughing. Also, pretty sure Lucy would agree that chocolate is actually the breakfast of champions.

3. “Snoop Dogg Takeover” on FUSE. In what is probably the opposite of the royal wedding, Snoop Dogg is taking over the airways of the Fuse Network beginning at 6 a.m. Perhaps he will be offering his own color commentary on the regal proceedings? The only way to find out is to tune in.

2. “Benny & Joon” on IFC. The 1993 film “Benny and Joon” is an almost love story between Joon, a mentally ill painter played by Mary Stuart Masterson, and Sam, an extremely quirky young man who spends his life as Buster Keaton. The blossoming friendship between Joon and Sam is almost destroyed when Joon’s caretaker, her overprotective older brother Benny (Aidan Quinn), finds out about their relationship.

1. “Rear Window” on HBO SG. Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller stars Jimmy Stewart as a photographer with a broken leg and a view to a kill. Or so he thinks. Even his girlfriend played by Grace Kelly isn’t convinced he saw a murder. Is it his imagination running away with him? Or a dastardly deed done and he is the only witness? If you haven’t seen “Rear Window,” get on with it already! It’s a great movie and you deserve nice things.

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Hard Out

Comedy From The Closet

Janice and Jeffrey Available Now On IFC's Comedy Crib

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She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.

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IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing.  Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.

IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?

Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.

IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?

Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”

IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?

Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.

IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?

Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?

See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Die Hard Dads

Inspiration For Die Hard Dads

Die Hard is on IFC all Father's Day Long

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY

Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!

And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.

There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.

No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…

Wedding Toasts

Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Die Hard wedding

Using Public Restrooms

While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
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Awkward Dancing

Because every dad needs a signature move.
Die Hard dance

Writing Thank You Notes

It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
Die Hard thank you

Valentine’s Day

How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
Die Hard valentines

Shopping

The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Die Hard thank you

Last Minute Errands

John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Die Hard errands

Sneaking Out Of The Office Early

What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Die Hard office

Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.

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Founding Farters

Know Your Nerd History

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy

That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.

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Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.

To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.

Lewis Skolnick

The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.

Gilbert Lowe

OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?

Arnold Poindexter

A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.

Booger

A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.

Lamar Latrell

Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.

Ogre

Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.

Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC all month long.

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