“13 Assassins,” Reviewed

“13 Assassins,” Reviewed (photo)

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A samurai doesn’t fear death; he welcomes it. What the samurai does fear is obsolescence, and that is precisely the peril that faces the heroes of “13 Assassins.” They live in the mid-1800s, a few decades before the end of Japan’s Edo period and their way of life. When the leader of the assassins, a samurai named Shinzaemon, is presented with his suicidal assignment, a sort of black op hit for feudal swordsmen, he is pleased. “As a samurai in this era of peace,” he tells the governor who orders him to kill, “I’ve been wishing for a noble death.” Like Western gunslingers, particularly the ones from the films of director Sam Peckinpah, are out of place and out of time.

Shinzaemon’s mission, based on a historical battle and previously told in the 1966 film of the same name by Kudo Eiichi, is to assassinate the powerful and despicable Lord Naritsugu (Goro Inagaki). As the brother of the Shogun, Naritsugu is untouchable through official channels. But his behavior — raping, murdering, torturing, and not necessarily in that order — threatens a delicate peace. So Sir Do (Mikijiro Hira) secretly tasks Shinzaemon (Koji Yakusho) with Naritsugu’s murder. The plan calls for Shinzaemon and his samurai to ambush Naritsugu during his next trip home from the capital city. Success is a longshot at best: Shinzaemon eventually recruits a dozen samurai to his cause; Naritsugu has hundreds of swordsmen in his employ. The odds against him don’t faze Shinzaemon. As he tells his men, “he who values his life dies a dog’s death.”

“13 Assassins” was directed by Takashi Miike, the incredibly prolific Japanese director who has made almost 50 films in 18 years. Though he’s directed everything from westerns to childrens’ fantasy, he’s best known in the United States for ultra-violent horror and gangster pictures like “Audition” and “Ichii the Killer.” Fans looking for a violent Miike film won’t be disappointed by “13 Assassins,” which culminates with a 40-minute sequence of blood and blades. The scene is a triumph of escalating tension and a bravura fusion of complex action choreography and stylish camerawork, but its orgiastic celebration of death also seems to glorify the same values the assassins are working so hard to destroy.

Contradictions like that one linger as much as “13 Assassins”‘ unforgettable visuals (flaming cattle stampede, anyone?). The critic in me wants to analyze the film’s depiction of women (victims, one and all) and its attitude toward violence (a total massacre for a total massacre, as it were) while the dudely action fan in me must acknowledge the scene where a samurai swats arrows out of the air with his sword because it’s just so freaking cool (on the Scale Of Ultimate Movie Coolness, deflecting arrows with a sword ranks just between fedora hats and James Dean). “13 Assassins” is cool all right, maybe too cool. After an intensely emotionally charged opening, it devolves into pure spectacle, bloody and bloodless all at once.

Miike himself doesn’t seem entirely sure whether, as in the words of the one assassin, “samurai brawls are crazy fun!” or whether, in the words of another, “being a samurai is truly a burden.” “13 Assassins” raises such provocative questions about duty and honor and violence that it challenges the morality of its own undeniably outstanding action sequences. The massive battle is exhilarating but the images of its aftermath throw Shinzaemon’s philosophy into relief: these men died honorably, but it’s hard to see the honor in a hacked up corpse covered in blood and mud. True, they died for ideals. But those ideals may already be obsolete.

“13 Assassins” is now available On Demand. It opens in limited release on April 29.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”

Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”

But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.


It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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