It’s Valentine’s Day! While you stuff your face with candy hearts and rose petals, be on the look out for a winged chubby infant who wants to shoot you in the back with love arrows. Down champagne and stare lovingly into your sweetheart’s eyes (or into the mirror, this is a no judgment zone) while pink fluffy hearts appear over your head and birds spontaneously burst into song. But man (and woman) can’t live on Whitman’s Samplers and love alone. So by the end of the week when the chocolates all gone and all that remains of the love is the handles, watch some television on IFC to soothe your soul and warm the cockles of your heart. We love you long time.
Here’s what to watch this week on IFC:
If you don’t have a special relationship of your own, you may as well spend the evening watching Michael Bluth and Marta elevate their relationship on Arrested Development. Besides, you’re so pretty when you laugh. Tune in at 10 p.m. ET.
Ready to yell, “Cacao!” at all the schlocky Valentine’s Day nonsense? Watch “Maximum Overdrive” at 8 p.m.. Nothing like demonic semi trucks to cleanse your palate from all that love. Make sure to stay tuned for Portlandia at 9:30 p.m. We hear the Mayor is openly reggae.
By now you are probably ready to throttle the next display of half-off chocolate-filled hearts you see on display at the drugstore. Do we have the antidote to sugar for you: “Hard Candy” airs at 11:45 p.m. ET.
Daniel Craig serves up a slice of “Layer Cake” at 8 p.m. ET. Trust us, it’s sweet, but it’s not sweet, if you know what we mean.
Friday night means new episodes of the nation’s number one news source, The Onion News Network, and Portlandia, where a new music festival has the residents in a tizzy. But it wouldn’t be Friday without an awesome movie, too, say watch Evil Dead 2 at 11:35 p.m. ET
Spend the afternoon in Los Angeles. Or at least in the quirky, kinky, surreal version of Los Angeles as captured in the Coen Brothers film, “Barton Fink“, which starts at 3:15 p.m. ET.
Didn’t make it to church on Sunday? No fear, you will spend lots of time praying when you watch one of the scariest movies of all time — The Vanishing — when it airs at 2:30 p.m. ET. Prefer to spend the day laughing? We have back to back episodes of the Onion News Network, too, beginning at 12:20 p.m. ET. Here’s the ONN reporting on the election of the nation’s first openly drunk senator: