The Chuck Norris Gift Guide

The Chuck Norris Gift Guide (photo)

Posted by on

Everyone we know loves Chuck Norris more than they love their own flesh and blood. Why? Because he is always on the side of Justice, he likes to kick bad guys in the face, and he looks damn fine in a Stetson. Also, once he fought a bear. Can your flesh and blood make that claim? No they cannot. Also also, we’re a little frightened of him (see: bear fight) and all the best relationships have a soupcon of fear in them. Like in “Twilight”. Not that we’re Team Edward or Team Jacob because, clearly, we are Team Chuck and he would mop the floor with both of them with his beard. No hands, just beard. Don’t believe us? Watch Good Guys Wear Black tonight at 8:25 p.m. ET and see for yourself.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we are officially in the Christmas shopping season. For all the Chuck Norris fans in the IFC family, we got to thinking about the greatest presents possible. Naturally our thoughts turned to Etsy, the online marketplace of handmade wonders. It offers a veritable treasure trove of Chuck Norris items for the discerning gift giver. For example, the painting featured above is available here for the low low price of $200. Is that too much for to have the stoic stare of Chuck Norris keeping watch over you at night? Of course not. Buy one for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah.


Chuck Norris finger puppets are fun for adults and kids alike. Buy one for little Suzie and creepy Uncle Ted and Christmas shopping is done. Buy this delightful item here.


What oenophile wouldn’t appreciate a side of ass-kicking good humor in their stocking? Available here.


This is fine art at its finest and you should snap it up before the Guggenheim does. Buy it now!


Chuck Norris is so cool he gets his own meme. That meme is so cool that it then gets turned into an embroidered internet meme on Etsy. Buy it for the great thinkers who appreciate a heady and meta holiday. For example, if Baudrillard was on your Secret Santa list this would be perfect for him.


Chuck Norris is our nation’s first and last line of defense in case of Godzilla attack. Bet he’d be pretty good against zombies, too. Maybe The Walking Dead should hire him. Let’s all start mailing this postcard to Santa right now to make it so.


Attach this pendant to any present to make it officially “Chuck Norris Approved”. The only items that will not be Chuck Norris approved are those featuring He Who Shall Not Be Named. (*cough* Jack Bauer *cough*.)


The perfect, nay, only choice for the ladies and those gentlemen with large holes in their ears. These ear plugs say it all: Chuck Norris rules. Buy them and put a smile on your little girl’s face.


What we’re all (yes, even you Jean Claude Van Damme) are secretly hoping is under our tree this year is a Chuck Norris magnetic action doll. Hope Santa’s elves know how to make something so awesome.

Good Guys Wear Black airs tonight on IFC at 8:25 p.m. ET

Watch More

Weird Roles

Anthony Michael Hall’s Most Rotten Movies

Catch Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science on Friday at 8P on IFC.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Universal/Everett Collection

Anthony Michael Hall was the quintessential ’80s nerd. We love him in classics like The Breakfast Club and National Lampoon’s Vacation. But even the brainiest among us has his weak spots. In honor of Weird Science airing this Rotten Friday, we analyze Hall’s worst movies.

Weird Science (1985) 56%

A low point for John Hughes, Weird Science is way too wacky for its own good. Anthony Michael Hall’s Gary and his pal Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) create the “perfect woman.” Supernatural chaos ensues. The film costars a young Bill Paxton, floppy disks, and a general disconnect from all reality.

The Caveman’s Valentine (2001) 46%

This ambitious drama starring Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t live up to its rich premise. Jackson plays Romulus, a Juilliard-educated, paranoid schizophrenic who lives in a cave. Hall co-stars as Bob, a rich man, who wants to see Romulus play the piano. The plot centers around Romulus investigating a murder, but with so much going on, the movie never quite finds its rhythm.

All About the Benjamins (2002) 30%

Ice Cube plays a bounty hunter who teams up with Mike Epps’ con man to catch diamond thieves. Hall plays Lil J, a small-time drug dealer. It’s definitely a role we’ve never seen Hall in, but overall the movie isn’t funny or original enough to justify its violence.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) 11%

This showcase for Tom Green’s goofy gross-out comedy is often hailed as one of the worst films of all time. Green plays Gord, a 20-something slacker, who dreams of having his own animated series. Hall is Dave Davidson, a CEO of an animation studio who eventually helps Gord find success. Too bad Tom Green wasn’t so lucky.

Johnny Be Good (1988) 0%

Hall plays against type as Johnny Walker, a star quarterback. Robert Downey Jr. is his best friend and Uma Thurman plays his devoted girlfriend. Despite the support of a future A-list cast, the movie lacks central conflict and charm. Or, as TV Guide put it, “Johnny be worthless.” Ouch.

Catch the “Too Rotten to Miss” Weird Science this Friday at 8P on IFC.

Watch More
Season 6: Episode 1: Pickathon

Binge Fest

Portlandia Season 6 Now Available On DVD

The perfect addition to your locally-sourced, artisanal DVD collection.

Posted by on

End of summer got you feeling like:

Portlandia Toni Screaming GIF

Ease into fall with Portlandia‘s sixth season. Relive the latest exploits of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s cast of characters, including Doug and Claire’s poignant breakup, Lance’s foray into intellectual society, and the terrifying rampage of a tsukemen Noodle Monster! Plus, guest stars The Flaming Lips, Glenn Danzig, Louis C.K., Kevin Corrigan, Zoë Kravitz, and more stop by to experience what Portlandia is all about.

Pick up a copy of the DVD today, or watch full episodes and series extras now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

Watch More

Byrning Down the House

Everything You Need to Know About the Film That Inspired “Final Transmission”

Documentary Now! pays tribute to "Stop Making Sense" this Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Cinecom/courtesy Everett Collection

This week Documentary Now! is with the band. For everyone who’s ever wanted to be a roadie without leaving the couch, “Final Transmission” pulls back the curtain on experimental rock group Test Pattern’s final concert. Before you tune in Wednesday at 10P on IFC, plug your amp into this guide for Stop Making Sense, the acclaimed 1984 Talking Heads concert documentary.

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

Hailed as one of the best concert films ever created, director Jonathan Demme (Silence of the Lambs) captured the energy and eccentricities of a band known for pushing the limits of music and performance.

Make an Entrance

Lead singer David Byrne treats the concert like a story: He enters an empty stage with a boom box and sings the first song on the setlist solo, then welcomes the other members of the group to the stage one song at a time.

Steal the Spotlight

David Byrne Dancing
Cinecom/Everett Collection

Always a physical performer, Byrne infuses the stage and the film with contagious joy — jogging in place, dancing with lamps, and generally carrying the show’s high energy on his shoulders.

Suit Yourself

Byrne makes a splash in his “big suit,” a boxy business suit that grows with each song until he looks like a boy who raided his father’s closet. Don’t overthink it; on the DVD, the singer explains, “Music is very physical, and often the body understands it before the head.”

View from the Front Row

Stop Making Sense Band On Stage
Cinecom/Everett Collection

Demme (who also helmed 1987’s Swimming to Cambodia, the inspiration for this season’s Documentary Now! episode “Parker Gail’s Location is Everything”) films the show by putting viewers in the audience’s shoes. The camera rarely shows the crowd and never cuts to interviews or talking heads — except the ones onstage.

Let’s Get Digital

Tina Weymouth Keyboard
Cinecom/Everett Collection

Stop Making Sense isn’t just a good time — it’s also the first rock movie to be recorded entirely using digital audio techniques. The sound holds up more than 30 years later.

Out of Pocket

Talk about investing in your art: Talking Heads drummer Chris Frantz told Rolling Stone that the members of the band “basically put [their] life savings” into the movie, and they didn’t regret it.

Catch Documentary Now!’s tribute to Stop Making Sense when “Final Transmission” premieres Wednesday, October 12 at 10P on IFC.

Watch More
Powered by ZergNet