The Chuck Norris Gift Guide

The Chuck Norris Gift Guide (photo)

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Everyone we know loves Chuck Norris more than they love their own flesh and blood. Why? Because he is always on the side of Justice, he likes to kick bad guys in the face, and he looks damn fine in a Stetson. Also, once he fought a bear. Can your flesh and blood make that claim? No they cannot. Also also, we’re a little frightened of him (see: bear fight) and all the best relationships have a soupcon of fear in them. Like in “Twilight”. Not that we’re Team Edward or Team Jacob because, clearly, we are Team Chuck and he would mop the floor with both of them with his beard. No hands, just beard. Don’t believe us? Watch Good Guys Wear Black tonight at 8:25 p.m. ET and see for yourself.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we are officially in the Christmas shopping season. For all the Chuck Norris fans in the IFC family, we got to thinking about the greatest presents possible. Naturally our thoughts turned to Etsy, the online marketplace of handmade wonders. It offers a veritable treasure trove of Chuck Norris items for the discerning gift giver. For example, the painting featured above is available here for the low low price of $200. Is that too much for to have the stoic stare of Chuck Norris keeping watch over you at night? Of course not. Buy one for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah.


Chuck Norris finger puppets are fun for adults and kids alike. Buy one for little Suzie and creepy Uncle Ted and Christmas shopping is done. Buy this delightful item here.


What oenophile wouldn’t appreciate a side of ass-kicking good humor in their stocking? Available here.


This is fine art at its finest and you should snap it up before the Guggenheim does. Buy it now!


Chuck Norris is so cool he gets his own meme. That meme is so cool that it then gets turned into an embroidered internet meme on Etsy. Buy it for the great thinkers who appreciate a heady and meta holiday. For example, if Baudrillard was on your Secret Santa list this would be perfect for him.


Chuck Norris is our nation’s first and last line of defense in case of Godzilla attack. Bet he’d be pretty good against zombies, too. Maybe The Walking Dead should hire him. Let’s all start mailing this postcard to Santa right now to make it so.


Attach this pendant to any present to make it officially “Chuck Norris Approved”. The only items that will not be Chuck Norris approved are those featuring He Who Shall Not Be Named. (*cough* Jack Bauer *cough*.)


The perfect, nay, only choice for the ladies and those gentlemen with large holes in their ears. These ear plugs say it all: Chuck Norris rules. Buy them and put a smile on your little girl’s face.


What we’re all (yes, even you Jean Claude Van Damme) are secretly hoping is under our tree this year is a Chuck Norris magnetic action doll. Hope Santa’s elves know how to make something so awesome.

Good Guys Wear Black airs tonight on IFC at 8:25 p.m. ET

Nightmare on Elm Street IV

Ready for Freddy?

Take the Ultimate Nightmare on Elm Street Movie Quiz

Spend Halloween with an all day Nightmare on Elm Street marathon on IFC.

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Freddy Krueger first grabbed America’s attention with the Nightmare On Elm Street films – and later grabbed cash with a TV series, a Nintendo game, a 1-900 number, toys, dolls, a board game and a pinball machine. But despite the corny spin-offs, the Elm Street movies left psychic scars on a generation of horror fans. Before you catch IFC’s Nightmare on Elm Street movie marathon this Halloween, see how well you know the Freddy films.



Cosplayers Gonna Play

7 Basic Tips for Talking to Cosplayers

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Since Todd Margaret was at New York Comic Con, we hit the show floor to ask costumed fans for some tips on how best to interact with cosplayers. Check out what we discovered below.

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Want more fun from New York Comic Con? Read the letter David Cross wrote to Todd Margaret fans.

Gigi Rotblum, Ricky – Photo Credit: Adam Rose/IFC

Cooking With Gigi

5 Ways to Prepare For Tonight’s Gigi Does It and Become a Culinary Expert

Get in the kitchen with Gigi Mondays at 10:30P on IFC.

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It’s Monday, so you know what that means: Break out the turquoise eye shadow and bedazzled sweater! Tonight’s all new Gigi Does It at 10:30P ET/PT will keep you charged for the rest of the week. But before you forge headlong into septuagenarian hilarity, here are five ways to get ready for tonight’s episode.

1. Brush up on your culinary skills.

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According to Gigi, every dish should be prepared with a lotta love and a little bit of lust. But be sure to keep the ecstasy to a minimum and all bodily fluids outside the pot.

2. Experience the Great White North’s signature dish.

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French fries, cheese curds and gravy — poutine is a delicacy that isn’t for everyone. Love it or hate it, you should have at least a few bites if you want to be considered a true Canadian.

3. Whip up some “special” cookies.

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Competition is fierce when Gigi and her friends vie for the affections of eligible bachelor Melvin. Cookies are always a good idea to win someone’s heart — particularly if they’re baked with love and a little “extra” ingredient.

4. Watch the video Facebook doesn’t want you to see.

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Deemed “Too Hot for Facebook,” this montage of Gigi-isms removes the bleeps and blurs for a raw, NSFW look at the foul-mouthed granny in action.

5. Crack open Gigi’s book.

Gigi Does It Book Cover

Like most seniors, Gigi knows how little appreciation grandparents receive from their grandkids. Which is why the saucy old broad penned a children’s book reminding today’s youth to call their dear grandmothers. Give it a read here.

Source Code Michelle Monaghan

Michelle Visits CB!B!

5 Michelle Monaghan Roles We Love

Michelle Monaghan stops by Comedy Bang! Bang! tonight at 11P ET/PT on IFC.

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Photo: Summit Entertainment/Courtesy Everett Collection

Here’s an interesting tidbit you might not know about Michelle Monaghan: when she was growing up, her parents also took in foster kids to their Winthrop, Iowa home. They raised a solid dozen of them over as many years, and we can’t help but think that being exposed to different people from so many circumstances helped Michelle build the empathy and eye for character that has made her one of our favorite actresses.

To get you ready for Michelle Monaghan’s appearance on this week’s Comedy Bang! Bang!, we put together an extremely biased list of her five best roles. Sorry, Pixels doesn’t make the cut.

5. Harmony Lane, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Shane Black’s demented Hollywood noir is on our short list for most underrated flick of all time. Not only did it bring Robert Downey Jr. back to the big screen as petty criminal turned unwitting detective Harry Lockhart, but it features possibly the best post-Iceman Val Kilmer performance of all time. The third player in the film’s triangle is Michelle Monaghan as Harmony Laine, Harry’s childhood friend all grown up. Harmony is the motor that drives the twisted story of lust and revenge, and she does a bang-up (pun intended) job walking the tightrope between small-town innocence and Los Angeles sleaze.

4. Diane Ford, Trucker


Plum Pictures

The 2008 indie Trucker might have flown beneath your radar, but you should check it out on Netflix because it’s one of Michelle Monaghan’s finest performances. She plays Diane Ford, a long-haul driver who finds her screwed-up life of getting blitzed and having one-night stands upended when her 10-year-old son comes back into her life. It’s a story that could easily get obvious and cliche, but first-time director James Mottern dodges dramatic pitfalls with the aid of his incredible lead, instead producing a deft character study that is very worth watching.

3. Maggie Hart, True Detective

Season one of the acclaimed HBO crime drama was aided by an incredible cast of actors, including Michelle Monaghan’s Maggie Hart. As one of the key female figures in a very male-dominated show, Maggie has to carry a lot of weight. When we found out halfway through that she’d cheated on her husband (Woody Harrelson) with Matthew McConaughey’s Rust Cohle, it served as a new lens to examine their twisted relationship. It’s a challenging role that Monaghan rises to with aplomb.

2. Christina Warren, Source Code

Source code

The premise for the 2011 thriller Source Code is pretty ridiculous — a top secret military project gives Jake Gyllenhaal the ability to travel back in time and re-live the last eight minutes of somebody’s life over and over like the world’s worst Groundhog Day — but the end result is a damn fine film. Michelle Monaghan provides an important emotional anchor as Christina Warren, who Gyllenhaal’s character builds a deeper and deeper connection with every time he loops back. Without her, the whole premise would collapse, and the actress rises to the occasion ably.

1. Julia Meade, Mission: Impossible III


Paramount Pictures

Playing the romantic lead in a Tom Cruise-led spy actioner is a pretty thankless job, but director J. J. Abrams gave Monaghan plenty to chew on as Ethan Hunt’s fiancee Julia Meade in the third Mission: Impossible flick. Initially Julia starts out as a clueless damsel in distress, captured by arms dealer Owen Davian to compel Hunt to steal some Macguffin or other. But by the end of the film she’s up to speed with her fiance’s covert career, saves his life with an electric shock and even pops a cap in the ass of IMF traitor John Musgrave.

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