The Five Worst Heather Graham Movies (So Far)

The Five Worst Heather Graham Movies (So Far) (photo)

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On tonight’s episode of Arrested Development, Heather Graham guest stars as George Michael Bluth’s ethics teacher who tempts Michael into unethical behavior. We started thinking of Heather Graham’s career arc and, to put it bluntly, she’s no Sarah Polley. While Ms. Polley seems to have a knack for picking roles in excellent movies, Ms. Graham career GPS always seems on the brink of driving her into a creek. She even turned down a role in Heathers, yet accepted one in Committed. Choices, Heather!

While we would never fault someone for doing what it takes to pay the rent, we would definitely fault someone for signing onto Miss Conception. Heather has been made a few good career moves lately, notably her roles in Arrested Development , Scrubs, and The Hangover. But for every part in Boogie Nights, there are two Two Girls and a Guy. To entertain ourselves as we wait for Arrested Development to air at 10 p.m. ET, we’re counting down the five worst films that Ms. Graham has starred in*. (* So far)

In Miss Conception, Heather Graham stars as a quirky Londoner (yes, there’s an accent) who gets the unlikely news that she has only one viable egg left in her entire body and she has exactly one month to use it or lose it. The one word review? NO :

In Cake, Heather stars as a travel writer forced to take over her ailing father’s wedding magazine. As she puts it, “It’s a shrine to commitment and [she’s] a slut.” Sounds like fun for the whole family right? WRONG. Fun for no one.

The best thing about Heather Graham’s involvement in the ghastly The Oh in Ohio is that her role as a clerk in a sex shop is uncredited. Still, Heather, that’s how you want to spend your free time? Parker Posey, Paul Rudd? You have no excuse for starring in this frigid film:

In yet another of Heather’s wacky pregnancy hijinks oeuvre, she and Jerry O’Connell star in Baby on Board, which is a sort of War of the Roses plus baby dramedy. The vast number of fat jokes are the high point:

Heather’s decision to star in Blessed is such an obvious low point for the star that we’re almost tempted to not kick her while she’s down. But, what the heck: In Blessed, Heather is once again pregnant, but this time she’s been knocked up by The Devil himself. Those crazy fertility clinics are always getting up to something. While Heather may have thought she was signing up for the next Rosemary’s Baby, it was more like a sad Keanu Reeves movie meets the early 00s television show Point Pleasant. And not in a good way.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”

Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”

But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.


It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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