DID YOU READ

Five Velvet Underground Songs To Drown Out Five Tea Party Contradictions

Five Velvet Underground Songs To Drown Out Five Tea Party Contradictions (photo)

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You may have read the news recently about Moe Tucker speaking at a Tea Party gathering in Georgia. It’s somewhat shocking considering the legacy of the Velvet Underground, and the literary, often difficult music they made. They were pioneers, sailors on a great big clipper ship, plying the seas of late 60’s counter culture. When everyone else was wearing tie-dyes, they dressed all in black and sang about masochism.

Still, what struck me more than an aged, right-leaning Moe Tucker — who never dug “that love and peace shit” anyway — are the buffoons coming out of the woodwork to rejoice about it. Maybe you read some of their comments on the web, perhaps even here where the BIG Hollywood devotees chose to pick on little old IFC. Yes, right wing mouthpieces, Big Hollywood and FOX are both giddy over it.

These Tea Party people praise themselves, and Moe, as the true counter culture of our times. But Fox, and even some actual news organizations, have long made the claim that the Tea Party is mainstream. So which is it? Are they this real deal, grass roots, underdog, counter culture movement? Or mainstream America? They can’t be both.

While they are well organized, much more so than any left-leaning organization (you can tell just by how many of them lock step marched in here to comment after being directed to by their ringleader), they just don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Oh their feelings and anger are valid, but almost entirely misplaced, and today’s drilled talking points are in total conflict with yesterday’s positions.

There’s only one thing left to do — drown out and disperse their vaporous claims with Velvet Underground:

1. The Mosque.
They vehemently want government stay out of their business. But maybe not yours, or hers or his! They want government to intervene and stop that Mosque from being built near Ground Zero, ignoring the totally legal nature of the project, the constitutional right to freedom of religion, and their own position on less government.


“What Goes On”

2. Fiscal Responsibility.
They suddenly demand fiscal responsibility after 8 years of the Bush administration first squandering away the surplus, then plunging into deficit with vast overspending, and refusing to budget for the wars.


“Foggy Notion”

3. Taxes.
They’re for tax cuts but somehow can’t absorb the facts — that the Obama administration’s policy is also for tax cuts. In fact the federal income tax burden for 98 percent of all working families and individuals was reduced in 2009 and the administration is proposing to continue that. In contrast the GOP wants tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% but won’t account for how to pay for them — we’ll borrow from China for that. Hey, some people like getting stepped on by stilettos and having hot wax poured on their genitals too.

“Venus in Furs”

4. Socialism.
All the wild eyed, mouth foaming about Socialism is deeply disingenuous, when you consider that the decidedly older Tea Party demographic refuse to consider giving up their cheap drugs, Medicare or their SocialSecurity — the pinkest programs we have.


“Heroin”

5. Fascism.
They keep trying to liken Obama to Hitler, while calling him a socialist. This is raw idiocy. Hitler of course was a fascist. Any third rate history student can tell the difference. It is fitting though that these people drinking the Koch brothers kool aid cannot while they rail against “socialist” policies aimed for the greater good and decry State influence in their business — they lobby for the collusion of corporate and State power to be employed specifically where it please them, and against groups which they oppose — just like Hitler did. They’re still waiting for theirs.

“Waiting For The Man”
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Hard Out

Comedy From The Closet

Janice and Jeffrey Available Now On IFC's Comedy Crib

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She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.

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IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing.  Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.

IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?

Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.

IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?

Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”

IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?

Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.

IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?

Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?

See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Die Hard Dads

Inspiration For Die Hard Dads

Die Hard is on IFC all Father's Day Long

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY

Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!

And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.

There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.

No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…

Wedding Toasts

Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Die Hard wedding

Using Public Restrooms

While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
Die Hard restroom

Awkward Dancing

Because every dad needs a signature move.
Die Hard dance

Writing Thank You Notes

It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
Die Hard thank you

Valentine’s Day

How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
Die Hard valentines

Shopping

The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Die Hard thank you

Last Minute Errands

John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Die Hard errands

Sneaking Out Of The Office Early

What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Die Hard office

Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.

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Founding Farters

Know Your Nerd History

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy

That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.

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Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.

To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.

Lewis Skolnick

The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.

Gilbert Lowe

OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?

Arnold Poindexter

A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.

Booger

A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.

Lamar Latrell

Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.

Ogre

Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.

Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC all month long.

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