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“Twelve,” Reviewed

“Twelve,” Reviewed (photo)

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The most common complaint about movies adapted from novels is that they’re not faithful enough to their source material. Joel Schumacher’s “Twelve” is so weirdly and destructively faithful that it seems like it an experimental film designed to show people why excessively dutiful adaptations are a bad idea. Schumacher took author Nick McDonell’s heavily stylized narration (which you can get a taste of here) and recreated it exactly in the film. So while we see Chace Crawford walking the streets of New York City as drug dealer White Mike we hear narrator Kiefer Sutherland say things like “White Mike has never smoked a cigarette in his life,” or “White Mike loves rooftops.”

The idea that film is a visual medium is one of the fundamental principles of cinema. Students learn on the first day of film school that their work should show, not tell. Schumacher’s structure throws that out the window. Even if we can plainly see what White Mike’s wearing, Sutherland tells us anyway. Instead of watching the characters perform actions that would explicate their characters, Sutherland announces how they feel. It flies in the face of every moviemaking convention. The effect is jarring, like trying to watch a film with an aspect ratio that’s taller than it is wide.

Most critics who saw “Twelve” at this year’s Sundance Film Festival singled out the narration as a particularly bad element of the film. But it’s so unusual, and so obviously an intentional (if misguided) stylistic choice, that it’s sort of perversely fascinating. A week after I saw the movie, I’m still trying to figure out just what Schumacher was getting at with it. But to hazard a guess as to what he’s up to, you need to first know what the rest of the film is about.

08052010_twelve2.jpgThe aforementioned White Mike is our hero, a teenage drug dealer and high school dropout who sells weed to his former classmates. Over the course of one busy weekend, a group of his rich, spoiled clients feud and flirt and prepare for a big party thrown by the coolest and prettiest girl in school, Sara Ludlow (Esti Ginzburg). Drugs are consumed (a new one called twelve is particularly addictive), crushes are sparked, kids are murdered, and parents are noticeably absent, mentally if not physically.

Through it all Sutherland talks. Sometimes he even explains inconsequential details like what the characters are wearing or what they have in their pockets; other times he talks over their dialogue, which may be Schumacher’s way of telling us that these kids are so stupid that they’re not even worth listening to.

It’s worth noting that Sutherland isn’t a onscreen character within the story but rather a voice narrating from a place of omniscience, an outside perspective on a bunch of kids without any perspective of their own. Since most of them are so utterly controlled by peer influence and so utterly incapable of making their own decisions, Sutherland’s voice could also represent a personification of the teens’ hive mind: they move, think, dress, and act as one.

I don’t know. I do know Schumacher’s intent would be easier to read if his tone was clearer; “Twelve” could give even its most screwed up character a run for their money in the identity crisis department. It fluctuates constantly from a satire of the brainless and aimless to a tragedy of poor neglected innocents.

08052010_twelve3.jpgIn one scene Schumacher might make fun of their misshapen values (“Yo, my dad told me if I didn’t get into Harvard I have to go to Dartmouth!”) and in the next he might portray their self-destructive behavior as a sad cry for help. Does Schumacher hate these characters or pity them? Some scenes are very funny; others are so incredibly melodramatic that they’re unintentionally funny. (“Hey, there’s 50 Cent as a drug dealer! Hey, there’s 50 Cent acting menacing! Hey there’s 50 Cent showing his naked butt!”)

It’s a strange mix: imagine if a filmmaker tried to combine “Taxi Driver” and (Schumacher’s) “D.C. Cab” into a single film and you start to get the idea. White Mike’s journey is supposed to be the emotional centerpiece of the film, but Crawford is just as skin-deep pretty as the rest of the cast. The only person in the film with anything to say is Sutherland, and he never shuts up.

Give Schumacher credit for making a movie that is, at the very least, unique in its failure. If nothing else, he’s created the ultimate anti-adaptation, one that will surely be the “How Not To Translate A Book To the Screen” example in film school textbooks for years to come.

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WTF Films

Artfully Off

Celebrity All-Star by Sisters Weekend is available now on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Sisters Weekend isn’t like other comedy groups. It’s filmmaking collaboration between besties Angelo Balassone, Michael Fails and Kat Tadesco, self-described lace-front addicts with great legs who write, direct, design and produce video sketches and cinematic shorts that are so surreally hilarious that they defy categorization. One such short film, Celebrity All-Star, is the newest addition to IFC’s Comedy Crib. Here’s what they had to say about it in a very personal email interview…


IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Celebrity All-Star is a short film about an overworked reality TV coordinator struggling to save her one night off after the cast of C-List celebrities she wrangles gets locked out of their hotel rooms.

IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Sisters Weekend: It’s this short we made for IFC where a talent coordinator named Karen babysits a bunch of weird c-list celebs who are stuck in a hotel bar. It’s everyone you hate from reality TV under one roof – and that roof leaks because it’s a 2-star hotel. There’s a magician, sexy cowboys, and a guy wearing a belt that sucks up his farts.


IFC: What was the genesis of Celebrity All-Star?

Celebrity All-Star was born from our love of embarrassing celebrities. We love a good c-lister in need of a paycheck! We were really interested in the canned politeness people give off when forced to mingle with strangers. The backstory we created is that the cast of this reality show called “Celebrity All-Star” is in the middle of a mandatory round of “get to know each other” drinks in the hotel bar when the room keys stop working. Shows like Celebrity Ghost Hunters and of course The Surreal Life were of inspo, but we thought it
was funny to keep it really vague what kind of show they’re on, and just focus on everyone’s diva antics after the cameras stop rolling.

IFC: Every celebrity in Celebrity All-Star seems familiar. What real-life pop personalities did you look to for inspiration?

Sisters Weekend: Anyone who is trying to plug their branded merch that no one asked for. We love low-rent celebrity. We did, however, directly reference Kylie Jenner’s turd-raison lip color for our fictional teen celebutante Gibby Kyle (played by Mary Houlihan).


IFC: Celebrity seems disgusting yet desirable. What’s your POV? Do you crave it, hate it, or both?

Sisters Weekend: A lot of people chase fame. If you’re practical, you’ll likely switch to chasing success and if you’re smart, you’ll hopefully switch to chasing happiness. But also, “We need money. We need hits. Hits bring money, money bring power, power bring fame, fame change the game,” Young Thug.


IFC: Who are your comedy idols?

Sisters Weekend: Mike grew up renting “Monty Python” tapes from the library and staying up late to watch 2000’s SNL, Kat was super into Andy Kaufman and “Kids In The Hall” in high school, and Angelo was heavily influenced by “Strangers With Candy” and Anna Faris in the Scary Movie franchise, so, our comedy heroes mesh from all over. But, also we idolize a lot of the people we work with in NY-  Lorelei Ramirez, Erin Markey, Mary Houlihan, who are all in the film, Amy Zimmer, Ana Fabrega, Patti Harrison, Sam Taggart. Geniuses! All of Em!

IFC: What’s your favorite moment from the film?

Sisters Weekend: I mean…seeing Mary Houlihan scream at an insane Pomeranian on an iPad is pretty great.

See Sisters Weekend right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib

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Reality? Check.

Baroness For Life

Baroness von Sketch Show is available for immediate consumption.

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Baroness von Sketch Show is snowballing as people have taken note of its subtle and not-so-subtle skewering of everyday life. The New York Times, W Magazine, and Vogue have heaped on the praise, but IFC had a few more probing questions…

IFC: To varying degrees, your sketches are simply scripted examples of things that actually happen. What makes real life so messed up?

Aurora: Hubris, Ego and Selfish Desires and lack of empathy.

Carolyn: That we’re trapped together in the 3rd Dimension.

Jenn: 1. Other people 2. Other people’s problems 3. Probably something I did.

IFC: A lot of people I know have watched this show and realized, “Dear god, that’s me.” or “Dear god, that’s true.” Why do people have their blinders on?

Aurora: Because most people when you’re in the middle of a situation, you don’t have the perspective to step back and see yourself because you’re caught up in the moment. That’s the job of comedians is to step back and have a self-awareness about these things, not only saying “You’re doing this,” but also, “You’re not the only one doing this.” It’s a delicate balance of making people feel uncomfortable and comforting them at the same time.


IFC: Unlike a lot of popular sketch comedy, your sketches often focus more on group dynamics vs iconic individual characters. Why do you think that is and why is it important?

Meredith: We consider the show to be more based around human dynamics, not so much characters. If anything we’re more attracted to the energy created by people interacting.

Jenn: So much of life is spent trying to work it out with other people, whether it’s at work, at home, trying to commute to work, or even on Facebook it’s pretty hard to escape the group.

IFC: Are there any comedians out there that you feel are just nailing it?

Aurora: I love Key and Peele. I know that their show is done and I’m in denial about it, but they are amazing because there were many times that I would imagine that Keegan Michael Key was in the scene while writing. If I could picture him saying it, I knew it would work. I also kind of have a crush on Jordan Peele and his performance in Big Mouth. Maya Rudolph also just makes everything amazing. Her puberty demon on Big Mouth is flawless. She did an ad for 7th generation tampons that my son, my husband and myself were singing around the house for weeks. If I could even get anything close to her career, I would be happy. I’m also back in love with Rick and Morty. I don’t know if I have a crush on Justin Roiland, I just really love Rick (maybe even more than Morty). I don’t have a crush on Jerry, the dad, but I have a crush on Chris Parnell because he’s so good at being Jerry.



IFC: If you could go back in time and cast yourselves in any sitcom, which would it be and how would it change?

Carolyn: I’d go back in time and cast us in The Partridge Family.  We’d make an excellent family band. We’d have a laugh, break into song and wear ruffled blouses with velvet jackets.  And of course travel to all our gigs on a Mondrian bus. I feel really confident about this choice.

Meredith: Electric Mayhem from The Muppet Show. It wouldn’t change, they were simply perfect, except… maybe a few more vaginas in the band.

Binge the entire first and second seasons of Baroness von Sketch Show now on and the IFC app.

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G.I. Jeez

Stomach Bugs and Prom Dates

E.Coli High is in your gut and on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Brothers-in-law Kevin Barker and Ben Miller have just made the mother of all Comedy Crib series, in the sense that their Comedy Crib series is a big deal and features a hot mom. Animated, funny, and full of horrible bacteria, the series juxtaposes timeless teen dilemmas and gut-busting GI infections to create a bite-sized narrative that’s both sketchy and captivating. The two sat down, possibly in the same house, to answer some questions for us about the series. Let’s dig in….


IFC: How would you describe E.Coli High to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

BEN: Hi ummm uhh hi ok well its like umm (gets really nervous and blows it)…

KB: It’s like the Super Bowl meets the Oscars.

IFC: How would you describe E.Coli High to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

BEN: Oh wow, she’s really cute isn’t she? I’d definitely blow that too.

KB: It’s a cartoon that is happening inside your stomach RIGHT NOW, that’s why you feel like you need to throw up.

IFC: What was the genesis of E.Coli High?

KB: I had the idea for years, and when Ben (my brother-in-law, who is a special needs teacher in Philly) began drawing hilarious comics, I recruited him to design characters, animate the series, and do some writing. I’m glad I did, because Ben rules!

BEN: Kevin told me about it in a park and I was like yeah that’s a pretty good idea, but I was just being nice. I thought it was dumb at the time.


IFC: What makes going to proms and dating moms such timeless and oddly-relatable subject matter?

BEN: Since the dawn of time everyone has had at least one friend with a hot mom. It is physically impossible to not at least make a comment about that hot mom.

KB: Who among us hasn’t dated their friend’s mom and levitated tables at a prom?

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

BEN: There’s a lot of content now. I don’t think anyone will even notice, but it’d be cool if they did.

KB: A show about talking food poisoning bacteria is basically the same as just watching the news these days TBH.

Watch E.Coli High below and discover more NYTVF selections from years past on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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