Amongst the 6200 other news stories and announcements coming out of Comic-Con yesterday was the news that the upcoming seventh “Saw” film will be the series’ last. This comes on the heels of Lionsgate announcing a few weeks ago that they’d changed the title of the film from “Saw VII” to “Saw 3D: The Traps Come Alive” before clarifying a day later than the title is, in fact, “Saw 3D” and “The Traps Come Alive” part is, alas, just a tagline.
What a disappointment. “Saw 3D” is just another “Saw” movie with a boring title. “Saw 3D: The Traps Come Alive” is just another “Saw” movie with an awesomely silly sequel subtitle. And who doesn’t love an awesomely silly sequel subtitle? Nothing gives us more pleasure than marching up to a box office, puffing out our chest, adjusting our fake beard and baseball hat and declaring “One for ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ please!”
With that in mind, we’d like to humbly suggest Lionsgate restore the “Traps Come Alive” subtitle or, better yet, replace it with one of our suggestions. If they do, we promise we’ll be there on opening night to proudly buy our ticket for:
“Saw 3D: Saw Harder”
“Saw 3D: Not to Be Confused With Saw III”
“Saw 3D: After This, The Reboot!”
“Saw 3D: Also Featuring Other Tools”
“Saw 3D: Because the Characters Sure Weren’t Going to Get More Multi-Dimensional”
“Saw 3D: I Will Put You in A Rose Garden”
“Saw 3D: Now With 40% More Elwes”
“Saw 3D: From the Director of Saw VI”
“Saw 3D: New Look, Same Bad Taste”
“Saw 3D: Back in the Habit”
“Saw 3D: Frampton’s Traps Comes Alive”
You’re welcome, Lionsgate publicity. And if a reader wants to Photoshop one of these onto that crazy new 3D poster, we’ll love you forever.