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DID YOU READ

Expandable Actors on “The Expendables” Poster

Expandable Actors on “The Expendables” Poster (photo)

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We’re about three weeks from the release of “The Expendables,” Sylvester Stallone’s ode to ’80s action movies and anti-aging supplements. Posters are starting to pop up around New York City. I spotted one on my commute into Manhattan yesterday; it’s embedded there at the top of the post. Anything strike you about it?

Look carefully and marvel at the magic of Photoshop. Here’s a closer angle on Stallone and Dolph Lundgren.

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Eyeballing it, I’d say Lundgren’s maybe three inches taller than Stallone in this image. But back when these two guys squared off in “Rocky IV” Dolph towered over Sly. Like a game of hoops between Manute Bol and Muggsy Bogues towered. Remember?

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Granted we have no idea how many apple boxes Lundgren’s standing on in that shot, but back in 1985, Stallone only came up to Ivan Drago’s nose. 20 years later he’s caught a growth spurt — sort of unusual for a 64-year-old — and shot up four inches? Something smells fishy. To test my suspicions, I had IFC.com assistant editor Stephen Saito put together an “Expendables” chart putting them in actual size order with the actor’s listed heights. Here it is:

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As you can see, the physical relationships between these actors have been fudged for the sake of composition and, who knows, maybe for the sake of ego, too. Stallone benefits the most. We’ve got him at 5’9″, while IMDb lists him at 5’9″ and a half. Either way he’s the second shortest member of the cast, but he’s the third tallest guy in the picture behind Lundgren and Crews (Rourke edges him out too, but he’s wearing a big cowboy hat, so he doesn’t count). Poster Stallone is taller than poster Statham, Rourke, Willis, Couture, and even the 6’2″ Austin. So remember, gang: when you direct yourself in a movie, you can make yourself look as tall as you want.

[Additional Photo: “Rocky IV,” MGM, 1985]

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…