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Killer crossovers we’d love to see (and never will).

Killer crossovers we’d love to see (and never will). (photo)

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Earlier this week, Aint It Cool News reported that a proposed fifth “Die Hard” film had been given the working title “Die Hard 24/7” because “at one point, The Powers That Be mulled an idea – ‘Die Hard 5′ and the TV show ’24’ were to cross over. The intent was for Kiefer Sutherland to appear as Jack Bauer in an adventure with Bruce Willis’ John McClane. Hence ‘Die Hard 24/7.'”

The article acknowledges that the idea didn’t pan out (look instead for Sutherland in a solo “24” movie in the future), but it got me thinking all the same. There have been a few movie crossovers in the past — mostly monster movies like “Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man” (1943) and “Alien vs. Predator” (2004) — and we’re looking forward to Joss Whedon’s “Avengers” film in a few years, but crossovers at the movies are still extremely rare, probably because between rights negotiations, star salaries and egos, they’re logistical nightmares to produce. But logistics mean nothing to the imagination, so here’s a few crossovers I’d love to see (and never will):

06112010_BullittDirtyHarry.jpg“Dirty Harry” (1971) Meets “Bullitt” (1968)

Strong ties already link these films: they’re both set in San Francisco just a few years apart, and both feature music by Lalo Schifrin, not to mention the fact that Steve McQueen’s Lt. Bullitt was modeled after Det. Dave Toschi, one of the lead investigators on the Zodiac case, which served as the model for the “Dirty Harry” villain Scorpio. Neither guy has much use for partners or bosses, which makes it an ideal team-up to begin: too much bad behavior gets the two most unruly cops on the SFPD paired with one another on a case involving a series of grisly murders. I can already see Harry Callahan seething over Bullitt’s “hippie” turtlenecks and Bullitt telling one of his lady friends about how Callahan’s compensating for something with that big gun. I’d like Robert Shaw as the villain, a dirty city councilman who frames Bullitt and Harry for the crimes they’re investigating.

06112010_GodfatherGoodfellas.jpg“Goodfellas” (1990) Meet “The Godfather” (1972)

These beloved Mafia classics are set a few decades apart, but both are about the destructive impact of drugs on the world of organized crime. Plus, most of “Goodfellas” takes place in the years between “Godfather Part II” and “Part III,” so we could set our story then. De Niro’s Jimmy the Gent and Pesci’s Tommy DeVito had a habit of disrespecting authority in “Goodfellas” — it’s pretty easy to imagine a scenario where the two of them piss off another made man and have to go ask The Godfather, Michael Corleone, for a life-sparing favor. He agrees, but as usual it’s one of the make-them-an-offer-he-can’t-refuse kind of deals, which puts Jimmy and Tommy in Michael’s debt. Things would go predictably south from there, though not before Henry Hill and Joey Zasa exchange sauce recipes.

06112010_BTTFTerminator.jpg“Back to the Future” (1985) Meets “The Terminator” (1984)

Two of the most popular sci-fi franchises of the 1980s and 90s hinged on wild time travel paradoxes, so why not combine them into one insane mega-movie? If it doesn’t make any sense, who cares? Just blame it on the paradoxes! I envision one of the Schwarzenegger Terminators going back to Hill Valley, CA circa 1985 looking to acquire the Flux Capacitor the machines need to time travel back to 1984 to look for Sarah Connor (gotta love those paradoxes!). Meanwhile Marty, who learns that his son is destined to become John Connor’s most trusted lieutenant in the war against the machines, has to use the Delorean to travel to 2015 to save Marty Jr. from the T-1000 AND get home in time to stop Biff from sleeping with his girlfriend Jennifer. Heavy stuff.

06112010_SilenceoftheLambsNoCountryforOldMen.jpg“The Silence of the Lambs” (1991) Meets “No Country For Old Men” (2007)

“Lambs”‘ Hannibal Lecter and “Old Men”‘s Anton Chigurh were both villains audiences loved and even identified with in some ways. So it could be a lot of fun to see who everyone would root for if they squared off in a good old fashioned “Freddy Vs. Jason”-style slobberknocker. Our battle would take place before both films, at a time before Lecter was incarcerated by Edward Norton and/or William Petersen. After he eats the wrong person with the right wine pairing, someone puts a hit out on Lecter and Chigurh accepts the contract. The only problem I imagine here is the fact that neither character is known for letting their enemies live, which means one of them would have to kill the other, which would foul up both film’s continuity. We’d probably just have to settle with a coin flip.

What crossovers would you like to see? Maybe “The Goonies Meets The Monster Squad”? How about “Alien vs. Planet of the Apes”? Tell us in the comments section.

[Photos: “Live Free or Die Hard,” 20th Century Fox, 2007; “24,” 20th Century Fox, 2009; “Bullitt,” Warner Bros., 1968; “Dirty Harry,” Warner Bros., 1971; “The Terminator,” MGM, 1984; “Back to the Future,” Universal Pictures, 1985; “The Silence of the Lambs,” Orion Pictures, 1991; “No Country for Old Men,” Miramax, 2007]

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Hacked In

Funny or Die Is Taking Over

FOD TV comes to IFC every Saturday night.

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We’ve been fans of Funny or Die since we first met The Landlord. That enduring love makes it more than logical, then, that IFC is totally cool with FOD hijacking the airwaves every Saturday night. Yes, that’s happening.

The appropriately titled FOD TV looks like something pulled from public access television in the nineties. Like lo-fi broken-antenna reception and warped VHS tapes. Equal parts WTF and UHF.

Get ready for characters including The Shirtless Painter, Long-Haired Businessmen, and Pigeon Man. They’re aptly named, but for a better sense of what’s in store, here’s a taste of ASMR with Kelly Whispers:

Watch FOD TV every Saturday night during IFC’s regularly scheduled movies.

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Wicked Good

See More Evil

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is on Hulu.

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Okay, so you missed the entire first season of Stan Against Evil. There’s no shame in that, per se. But here’s the thing: Season 2 is just around the corner and you don’t want to lag behind. After all, Season 1 had some critical character development, not to mention countless plot twists, and a breathless finale cliffhanger that’s been begging for resolution since last fall. It also had this:

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The good news is that you can catch up right now on Hulu. Phew. But if you aren’t streaming yet, here’s a basic primer…

Willards Mill Is Evil

Stan spent his whole career as sheriff oblivious to the fact that his town has a nasty curse. Mostly because his recently-deceased wife was secretly killing demons and keeping Stan alive.

Demons Really Want To Kill Stan

The curse on Willards Mill stipulates that damned souls must hunt and kill each and every town sheriff, or “constable.” Oh, and these demons are shockingly creative.

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They Also Want To Kill Evie

Why? Because Evie’s a sheriff too, and the curse on Willard’s Mill doesn’t have a “one at a time” clause. Bummer, Evie.

Stan and Evie Must Work Together

Beating the curse will take two, baby, but that’s easier said than done because Stan doesn’t always seem to give a damn. Damn!

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Beware of Goats

It goes without saying for anyone who’s seen the show: If you know that ancient evil wants to kill you, be wary of anything that has cloven feet.

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Season 2 Is Lurking

Scary new things are slouching towards Willards Mill. An impending darkness descending on Stan, Evie and their cohort – eviler evil, more demony demons, and whatnot. And if Stan wants to survive, he’ll have to get even Stanlier.

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is now streaming right now on Hulu.

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SO EXCITED!!!

Reminders that the ’90s were a thing

"The Place We Live" is available for a Jessie Spano-level binge on Comedy Crib.

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Unless you stopped paying attention to the world at large in 1989, you are of course aware that the ’90s are having their pop cultural second coming. Nobody is more acutely aware of this than Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney, two comedians who met doing improv comedy and have just made their Comedy Crib debut with the hilarious ’90s TV throwback series, The Place We Live.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Dara: It’s everything you loved–or loved to hate—from Melrose Place and 90210 but condensed to five minutes, funny (on purpose) and totally absurd.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Betsy: “Hey Todd, why don’t you have a sip of water. Also, I think you’ll love The Place We Live because everyone has issues…just like you, Todd.”

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IFC: When you were living through the ’90s, did you think it was television’s golden age or the pop culture apocalypse?


Betsy: I wasn’t sure I knew what it was, I just knew I loved it!


Dara: Same. Was just happy that my parents let me watch. But looking back, the ’90s honored The Teen. And for that, it’s the golden age of pop culture. 

IFC: Which ’90s shows did you mine for the series, and why?

Betsy: Melrose and 90210 for the most part. If you watch an episode of either of those shows you’ll see they’re a comedic gold mine. In one single episode, they cover serious crimes, drug problems, sex and working in a law firm and/or gallery, all while being young, hot and skinny.


Dara: And almost any series we were watching in the ’90s, Full House, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life has very similar themes, archetypes and really stupid-intense drama. We took from a lot of places. 

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IFC: How would you describe each of the show’s characters in terms of their ’90s TV stereotype?

Dara: Autumn (Sunita Mani) is the femme fatale. Robin (Dara Katz) is the book worm (because she wears glasses). Candace (Betsy Kenney) is Corey’s twin and gives great advice and has really great hair. Corey (Casey Jost) is the boy next door/popular guy. Candace and Corey’s parents decided to live in a car so the gang can live in their house. 
Lee (Jonathan Braylock) is the jock.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Dara: Because everyone’s feeling major ’90s nostalgia right now, and this is that, on steroids while also being a totally new, silly thing.

Delight in the whole season of The Place We Live right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. It’ll take you back in all the right ways.