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Killer crossovers we’d love to see (and never will).

Killer crossovers we’d love to see (and never will). (photo)

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Earlier this week, Aint It Cool News reported that a proposed fifth “Die Hard” film had been given the working title “Die Hard 24/7” because “at one point, The Powers That Be mulled an idea – ‘Die Hard 5′ and the TV show ’24’ were to cross over. The intent was for Kiefer Sutherland to appear as Jack Bauer in an adventure with Bruce Willis’ John McClane. Hence ‘Die Hard 24/7.'”

The article acknowledges that the idea didn’t pan out (look instead for Sutherland in a solo “24” movie in the future), but it got me thinking all the same. There have been a few movie crossovers in the past — mostly monster movies like “Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man” (1943) and “Alien vs. Predator” (2004) — and we’re looking forward to Joss Whedon’s “Avengers” film in a few years, but crossovers at the movies are still extremely rare, probably because between rights negotiations, star salaries and egos, they’re logistical nightmares to produce. But logistics mean nothing to the imagination, so here’s a few crossovers I’d love to see (and never will):

06112010_BullittDirtyHarry.jpg“Dirty Harry” (1971) Meets “Bullitt” (1968)

Strong ties already link these films: they’re both set in San Francisco just a few years apart, and both feature music by Lalo Schifrin, not to mention the fact that Steve McQueen’s Lt. Bullitt was modeled after Det. Dave Toschi, one of the lead investigators on the Zodiac case, which served as the model for the “Dirty Harry” villain Scorpio. Neither guy has much use for partners or bosses, which makes it an ideal team-up to begin: too much bad behavior gets the two most unruly cops on the SFPD paired with one another on a case involving a series of grisly murders. I can already see Harry Callahan seething over Bullitt’s “hippie” turtlenecks and Bullitt telling one of his lady friends about how Callahan’s compensating for something with that big gun. I’d like Robert Shaw as the villain, a dirty city councilman who frames Bullitt and Harry for the crimes they’re investigating.

06112010_GodfatherGoodfellas.jpg“Goodfellas” (1990) Meet “The Godfather” (1972)

These beloved Mafia classics are set a few decades apart, but both are about the destructive impact of drugs on the world of organized crime. Plus, most of “Goodfellas” takes place in the years between “Godfather Part II” and “Part III,” so we could set our story then. De Niro’s Jimmy the Gent and Pesci’s Tommy DeVito had a habit of disrespecting authority in “Goodfellas” — it’s pretty easy to imagine a scenario where the two of them piss off another made man and have to go ask The Godfather, Michael Corleone, for a life-sparing favor. He agrees, but as usual it’s one of the make-them-an-offer-he-can’t-refuse kind of deals, which puts Jimmy and Tommy in Michael’s debt. Things would go predictably south from there, though not before Henry Hill and Joey Zasa exchange sauce recipes.

06112010_BTTFTerminator.jpg“Back to the Future” (1985) Meets “The Terminator” (1984)

Two of the most popular sci-fi franchises of the 1980s and 90s hinged on wild time travel paradoxes, so why not combine them into one insane mega-movie? If it doesn’t make any sense, who cares? Just blame it on the paradoxes! I envision one of the Schwarzenegger Terminators going back to Hill Valley, CA circa 1985 looking to acquire the Flux Capacitor the machines need to time travel back to 1984 to look for Sarah Connor (gotta love those paradoxes!). Meanwhile Marty, who learns that his son is destined to become John Connor’s most trusted lieutenant in the war against the machines, has to use the Delorean to travel to 2015 to save Marty Jr. from the T-1000 AND get home in time to stop Biff from sleeping with his girlfriend Jennifer. Heavy stuff.

06112010_SilenceoftheLambsNoCountryforOldMen.jpg“The Silence of the Lambs” (1991) Meets “No Country For Old Men” (2007)

“Lambs”‘ Hannibal Lecter and “Old Men”‘s Anton Chigurh were both villains audiences loved and even identified with in some ways. So it could be a lot of fun to see who everyone would root for if they squared off in a good old fashioned “Freddy Vs. Jason”-style slobberknocker. Our battle would take place before both films, at a time before Lecter was incarcerated by Edward Norton and/or William Petersen. After he eats the wrong person with the right wine pairing, someone puts a hit out on Lecter and Chigurh accepts the contract. The only problem I imagine here is the fact that neither character is known for letting their enemies live, which means one of them would have to kill the other, which would foul up both film’s continuity. We’d probably just have to settle with a coin flip.

What crossovers would you like to see? Maybe “The Goonies Meets The Monster Squad”? How about “Alien vs. Planet of the Apes”? Tell us in the comments section.

[Photos: “Live Free or Die Hard,” 20th Century Fox, 2007; “24,” 20th Century Fox, 2009; “Bullitt,” Warner Bros., 1968; “Dirty Harry,” Warner Bros., 1971; “The Terminator,” MGM, 1984; “Back to the Future,” Universal Pictures, 1985; “The Silence of the Lambs,” Orion Pictures, 1991; “No Country for Old Men,” Miramax, 2007]

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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WTF Films

Artfully Off

Celebrity All-Star by Sisters Weekend is available now on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Sisters Weekend isn’t like other comedy groups. It’s filmmaking collaboration between besties Angelo Balassone, Michael Fails and Kat Tadesco, self-described lace-front addicts with great legs who write, direct, design and produce video sketches and cinematic shorts that are so surreally hilarious that they defy categorization. One such short film, Celebrity All-Star, is the newest addition to IFC’s Comedy Crib. Here’s what they had to say about it in a very personal email interview…

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IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Celebrity All-Star is a short film about an overworked reality TV coordinator struggling to save her one night off after the cast of C-List celebrities she wrangles gets locked out of their hotel rooms.

IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Sisters Weekend: It’s this short we made for IFC where a talent coordinator named Karen babysits a bunch of weird c-list celebs who are stuck in a hotel bar. It’s everyone you hate from reality TV under one roof – and that roof leaks because it’s a 2-star hotel. There’s a magician, sexy cowboys, and a guy wearing a belt that sucks up his farts.

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IFC: What was the genesis of Celebrity All-Star?

Celebrity All-Star was born from our love of embarrassing celebrities. We love a good c-lister in need of a paycheck! We were really interested in the canned politeness people give off when forced to mingle with strangers. The backstory we created is that the cast of this reality show called “Celebrity All-Star” is in the middle of a mandatory round of “get to know each other” drinks in the hotel bar when the room keys stop working. Shows like Celebrity Ghost Hunters and of course The Surreal Life were of inspo, but we thought it
was funny to keep it really vague what kind of show they’re on, and just focus on everyone’s diva antics after the cameras stop rolling.

IFC: Every celebrity in Celebrity All-Star seems familiar. What real-life pop personalities did you look to for inspiration?

Sisters Weekend: Anyone who is trying to plug their branded merch that no one asked for. We love low-rent celebrity. We did, however, directly reference Kylie Jenner’s turd-raison lip color for our fictional teen celebutante Gibby Kyle (played by Mary Houlihan).

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IFC: Celebrity seems disgusting yet desirable. What’s your POV? Do you crave it, hate it, or both?

Sisters Weekend: A lot of people chase fame. If you’re practical, you’ll likely switch to chasing success and if you’re smart, you’ll hopefully switch to chasing happiness. But also, “We need money. We need hits. Hits bring money, money bring power, power bring fame, fame change the game,” Young Thug.

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IFC: Who are your comedy idols?

Sisters Weekend: Mike grew up renting “Monty Python” tapes from the library and staying up late to watch 2000’s SNL, Kat was super into Andy Kaufman and “Kids In The Hall” in high school, and Angelo was heavily influenced by “Strangers With Candy” and Anna Faris in the Scary Movie franchise, so, our comedy heroes mesh from all over. But, also we idolize a lot of the people we work with in NY-  Lorelei Ramirez, Erin Markey, Mary Houlihan, who are all in the film, Amy Zimmer, Ana Fabrega, Patti Harrison, Sam Taggart. Geniuses! All of Em!

IFC: What’s your favorite moment from the film?

Sisters Weekend: I mean…seeing Mary Houlihan scream at an insane Pomeranian on an iPad is pretty great.

See Sisters Weekend right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib

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