DID YOU READ

Yo ho, an (Internet) pirate’s life for some.

Yo ho, an (Internet) pirate’s life for some. (photo)

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Download movies off the Internet if you must, but make no mistake: what you are doing is illegal and immoral. Even more unsavory than actually downloading, though, is the strained attempt by some who practice piracy to justify it on moral grounds. Consider this story published yesterday on Boing Boing about an e-mail exchange between movie producer Nicolas Chartier and a piracy advocate named Nicholas.

After reading that Chartier’s Voltage Pictures was preparing to sue people who’d downloaded the Voltage-produced “The Hurt Locker” off of BitTorrent, Nicholas decided to voice his displeasure with an e-mail to the man himself. His note was, if nothing else, exceedingly polite: “I wish to register my disagreement with these tactics, and would like you to know that as a result of these actions I am boycotting your films,” Nicholas wrote. “The majority of the people you are suing were not seeking to make money from their downloads, and will be financially devastated by a lawsuit or settlement. While it is completely understandable that Voltage Pictures wishes to defend its intellectual property, this is an inhumane way of doing so.”

Chartier, who has a history of getting himself into trouble via e-mail, responded to Nicholas with a letter of his own. His note was, if nothing else, exceedingly rude. “I’m glad you’re a moron who believes stealing is right,” Chartier replied. “I hope your family and your kids end up in jail one day for stealing so maybe they can be taught the difference. Until then, keep being stupid, you’re doing that very well. And please do not download, rent, or pay for my movies, I actually like smart and more important HONEST people to watch my films.”

05192010_pirates.jpgCertainly, it’s tough to side with someone that incredibly harsh. But that doesn’t mean Chartier doesn’t have a point; letter-writing Nicholas is protesting the idea of Chartier suing people who are stealing his work. Nicholas’s argument is that the people who downloaded “The Hurt Locker” illegally did so to watch the film and not to make money off of it — sort of an arrest-the-drug-dealer-but-not-the-drug-user mentality. Nicholas, it seems, has bought into the “Robin Hood”-esque take-from-the-rich, enjoy-by-the-poor mystique of Internet piracy: that because media companies and filmmakers are so wealthy, regular folks with less money are entitled to download their work for free. (By the way, what, exactly, is Nicholas going to boycott? Not paying to watch Chartier’s movies?)

If you want to boycott Chartier’s work because you don’t like his attitude, that’s your right. What’s not your right is to download his movies off the Internet for free because they’re available and it’s easy to do. Just because guys like Chartier are rich (and, apparently, sorely lacking in people skills) doesn’t give you permission to take their stuff.

[Photos: “The Hurt Locker,” Summit Entertainment, 2008; “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End,” Walt Disney Pictures, 2007.]

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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