Chris Klein and the cruel comedy of audition tapes.

Chris Klein and the cruel comedy of audition tapes. (photo)

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Poor Chris Klein. It’s bad enough that the guy has been reduced to appearing in stuff like “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.” Now, he has to deal with the fact that late last week someone leaked a tape of his failed audition for the movie version of “Mamma Mia!” online.

After some awkward small talk, Klein says, “Let’s go, shall we? Before I embarrass myself further,” then proceeds to embarrass himself further and farther and more intensely than most of us will ever do in our lives.

For three-and-a-half excruciating minutes, Klein absolutely butchers ABBA’s “Lay All Your Love On Me.” Flat notes, vocal cracks, intense stares to camera, eyebrows that defy logic and gravity by refusing to go down — it’s beyond terrible; it’s guy-on-“American Idol”-who-can’t-sing-but-who-gets-to-audition-for-the-judges-so-Simon-can-make-fun-of-him terrible.

Good sport that he is, Klein has made his own self-deprecating response video, in which he flunks auditions for “Twilight,” “Dreamgirls,” and more. But it doesn’t do much to erase the discomfort of the original. And while everyone’s falling all over themselves to make fun of Klein (including, let’s not forget, Klein himself), we should remember that most auditions are incredibly, incredibly awkward. Every actor has bad ones; most actors are just lucky that they don’t wind up on the Internet in front of millions and millions of people.

Even successful auditions can get awkward. Christopher Reeve scored the role of his life with a great reading of the rooftop flirtation scene between The Man of Steel and Lois Lane from “Superman.” But the poor guy was so nervous, he sweated through his tights; he spends almost the entire scene in the classic superhero hands-on-hips pose, revealing some not-so-super pit stains (the evidence is in the below clip, beginning around 2:17):

Seth Rogen was still an unpolished Canadian teenager when he auditioned for a role in “Freaks and Geeks.” Judd Apatow, the show’s producer, cast Rogen, then brought him along to his next show, “Undeclared,” encouraged him to write, and turned him into a movie star. It all started with this one very nervous audition. Look at the way Rogen fidgets and fixes his shirt; see the deer-in-the-headlights stare. Does this look like the audition of the future young king of mainstream comedy?

Or consider these two auditions by “300” and “The Ugly Truth”‘ star Gerard Butler, reading for the role of Dracula in “Dracula 2000″ — or at least I think these are two auditions for “Dracula 2000.” Sporting a terrible heavy metal wig and guyliner, Butler is so hilariously over-the-top that if I didn’t know he ultimately got the part, I’d swear this was a parody à la Chris Klein’s face-saving Funny or Die sketch. Judge for yourself:

This is why there are casting directors. It’s up to them to see past these unrefined moments to the potential underneath. That doesn’t make the process any less strange or, at times, any less of a crapshoot. To wit, here’s a funny scene that lampoons that very idea from Shane Black’s “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” in which Robert Downey Jr. plays a robber who hides out from the police at a casting call with unexpected results:

Now, that is a great audition. But, please Chris Klein, don’t get any ideas and show up to your next one bleeding.

On the plus side, Klein’s fridge-nuking moment is about to be replaced in the public consciousness by another hilariously weird audition, this one featuring (and put online by) silicon-based life form Heidi Montag. In it, Montag tries to prove to Michael Bay that she’s ready to take over for Megan Fox in “Transformers 3″ by clumsily shooting a pistol on a gun range. I wonder if she knows any ABBA songs.

[Photo: “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, 20th Century Fox, 2009]

That 70s Hyde

Higher Learning

Stoner Wisdom From That ’70s Show’s Circle

Catch That '70s Show Mondays and Tuesdays from 6-11P on IFC.

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The gang from That ’70s Show had some of their deepest conversations in “The Circle.” They also never failed to crack themselves (and us) up. Get high on knowledge with some deep thoughts from “The Circle.”

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Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl 1920

Carrie Opens Up

Read Carrie Brownstein’s Moving Essay About Her Father From Her New Memoir

Carrie's book Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl will be released on October 27th.

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Writer/actor/rocker Carrie Brownstein recently added another credit to her poly-hyphenated resume: autobiographer. The Portlandia star and Sleater-Kinney musician penned Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, a memoir covering her years playing gigs, writing comedy, and producing a sketch show with cohort Fred Armisen.

Brownstein shared an excerpt from her memoir with The New Yorker that details her complicated relationship with her father, his coming to terms with his homosexuality, and how it led up to him coming out to Brownstein in 1988. A compelling and moving read, the essay is highlighted by the final passage wherein her father opened up to her grandmother and the life lesson Brownstein learned by her tragic response.

When my father came out to his mom, my grandmother said, “You waited for your father to die, why couldn’t you have waited for me to die?” I knew then that I never want to contribute to the corrosiveness of wanting someone to stay hidden. Despite all my initial conflicts about trying to reconcile the father I had as a child to the one I have now, I am thankful that he is happy, that he did not waste another second. Now there is someone to know.

Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl will be released by Penguin Press on October 27th, and readers can enter a contest to see Sleater-Kinney in New York City by pre-ordering here. And be sure to catch Carrie on her Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl book tour.


David Cross Gets Busted

David Cross Fights For Your Rights in With Bob and David Sketch

Todd Margaret returns January 7th, 2016 at 10P.

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If you’re a fan of Todd Margaret star David Cross, then you know he isn’t afraid to stand up for the every day American’s rights. And in the latest sneak peek of  W/Bob and David, the Netflix series that reunites him with Bob Odenkirk, Cross plays a Constitutional rights enthusiast who does his part to document police abuse for his YouTube followers.

Key and Peele‘s Keegan-Michael Key plays a cop in the sketch based on the very real internut subculture of “Know Your Rights” videos.

For more David, be sure to catch the return of Todd Margaret on January 7th, 2016 at 10P. Todd is back and very, very different.

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Judy Greer Arrested Development

Cheer for Greer

10 Roles That Prove Judy Greer Is a National Treasure

Catch Judy Greer on an all-new Comedy Bang! Bang! tonight at 11P on IFC.

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Judy Greer is basically the human equivalent of bacon — she makes everything better. In the last year alone she’s appeared in Tomorrowland, Entourage, Ant-Man and Jurassic World, doing her best to elevate often underdeveloped characters. With Greer stopping by Comedy Bang! Bang!, we thought it was high time to celebrate the roles that have made her a national treasure. And to see how she scores so many great roles, check out her universal audition tape.

10. Bran Lowenstein, Love Monkey

This show only lasted three episodes for hit factory CBS, but it was enough to earn a cult following. The story of a bunch of young New Yorkers navigating life and love could’ve been yet another Friends clone, but Greer and an all-star cast gave it a funky flavor that would be more at home on cable today.

9. Shannon, Addicted to Fresno

Greer earned rave reviews for her role in this 2015 film about a sex addict who accidentally kills a guy and needs her sister (Natasha Lyonne) to help her get rid of the body. Combining big, broad comedy with some real pathos, this is Greer at her absolute best.

8. Fern Mayo, Jawbreaker

TriStar Pictures

TriStar Pictures

Greer went from geek to glam in this dark cult comedy that proved she was destined for big things.

7. Alice the Waitress, Adaptation.

Is it any wonder that Greer was the dream girl for writer Charlie Kaufman (Nicolas Cage), considering her mix of beauty, brains and being approachable while also being fierce?

6. Lucy Wyman, 13 Going on 30

Here is Greer in one of her patented best friend roles, showing us that even when she doesn’t drive a scene, we can’t take our eyes off of her.

5. Lina Bowman, Married



Greer can currently be seen surviving marriage on this FX series, which allows her to showcase a wide variety of hilarious faces.

4. Julie Speer, The Descendants

Fox Searchlight Pictures

Fox Searchlight Pictures

As home in Oscar-winning dramas as she is in comedy, Greer nails this role of an aggrieved wife who’s just trying to keep her family from falling apart in Alexander Payne’s 2011 film.

3. Ingrid “Fatty Magoo” Nelson, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Greer is perfectly cast as Sweet Dee’s arch rival, who always seems to know the exact wrong thing to say to her.

2. Kitty Sanchez, Arrested Development

Imagine Television

Imagine Television

Greer, with the help of the always on Spring Break Kitty Sanchez, helped show the world and Michael Bluth that she was a force to be reckoned with.

1. Cherly Tunt, Archer

FX Productions

FX Productions

And then there’s Cheryl, a bondage loving secretary who moonlights as a world famous country singer. If ever there was a role Greer was born to play, this is it.

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