DID YOU READ

A Tree of Souls grows in London.

A Tree of Souls grows in London. (photo)

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Amid all the fuss about “Avatar” shattering Blu-ray sales records, there were a few off notes being hit. Some DVDs wouldn’t play, apparently due to anti-piracy software. As one particularly irate customer wrote, “I am so pissed!!! I have spent the whole day trying to get this to play in a LC-42bd80u with no luck!!!” Indeed.

Meanwhile, torrent pirates bragged that they, too, had set a record: “Avatar” is the most pirated Bluray movie ever (perhaps in part by frustrated customers). As “Ernesto” at TorrentFreak.com gloated, we’ve come a long way since “Ice Age 2” became the first Blu-ray to get BitTorrented: “Piracy was rampant but it has not hindered a film that has broken nearly all sales records in motion picture history. That must be somewhat reassuring for the film industry.”

But the most fun side event was the unveiling of a real-world Pandoran Tree of Souls in London’s Hyde Park — granted, only five meters tall, but it’s the thought that counts. It was metal and plastic, with 20 miles of hanging fiber-optic fables; seen in scale with actor Stephen Lang in the front, it looks kind of dinky.

042922010_pandora.jpgA few years ago, Christo and the late Jeanne-Claude embarked on one of their biggest projects, The Gates, the subject of a Maysles documentary. Their projects tend to make people uneasy, and — despite a fine track record — they must always prove that what they’re trying to do isn’t ecologically harmful. In transforming Central Park with a series of orange gates, they heightened the laid-out artifice of the place Manhattanites like to think of as the closest thing they have to nature, but they also made it a playground. It’s the opposite of the fundamental paradox of “Avatar,” which used megatons of technology to preach for nature and ecological conservation. It’s a tension embodied in the very promotional tree: for every person who connected, wifi-wise, a real tree will be planted.

It’s striking how such a silly concept, replicated at scale, could still bring people out — not just gawkers, but the guy who answered (in full make-up!) “Are you a Na’vi?” with “In a way, yes.” Let’s give appropriate credit to James Cameron for making it possible to entirely transform a physical space for some people not with years of planning and great expense, but with a cheap replica of something that’s not real that’s still more evocative for some.

[Photos: “Avatar,” 20th Century Fox, 2009]

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SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection (and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
Godfather-BIG

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
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Billy Elliot

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
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And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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GIFs by Giphy

“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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