DID YOU READ

Doug Liman, Woody Allen and Oliver Stone head to Cannes.

Doug Liman, Woody Allen and Oliver Stone head to Cannes. (photo)

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“Fair Game,” Doug Liman’s take on the Valerie Plame incident, will play at Cannes this year in a competition that’s otherwise light on Americans. At least for now — as indieWIRE puts it, festival chief Thierry Fremaux has left the door open for more additions to the line-up, and “Twenty films screened in competition last year, making it likely that four more will be added to that section as the fest approaches. The closing night film has also yet to be unveiled.” So there’s still the possibility that Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life” premiere at the festival.

Elsewhere, Woody Allen’s latest will screen out of competition, along with Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street” sequel and opening night film “Robin Hood.” Representing the Amerindies, Gregg Araki’s “Kaboom” plays as a midnight screening, and Lodge Kerrigan’s new film “Rebecca H. (Return to the Dogs)” will screen in the Un Certain Regard sidebar along with Derek Cianfrance’s excellent “Blue Valentine,” fresh from being one of the most beloved films at Sundance.

Other names that leap out include Thai filmmaker Apichatpong Weerasethakul, who contributes a comedy about a man who recalls his past lives from his deathbed; Takeshi Kitano, who returns to the gangster film with “Outrage”; Mike Leigh, with “Another Year”; Jean-Luc Godard, with “Film Socialisme”; new films from Cristi Puiu, Hong Sangsoo and Hideo Nakata; and the fourth feature from actor./director Mathieu Amalric, about American burlesque dancers on tour in France.

04152010_tournee.jpgIN COMPETITION:

“Tournée,” directed by Mathieu Almaric

“Des Hommes et des Dieux,” directed by Xavier Beauvois

“Biutiful,” directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu

“Hors la loi,” directed by Rachid Bouchareb

“Un Homme Qui Crie” (A Screaming Man), directed by Mahamat-Saleh Haroun

“Housemaid,” directed by Im Sangsoo

“Copie Conforme” (The Certified Copy), directed by Abbas Kiarostami

04152010_outrage2.jpg“Outrage,” directed by Takeshi Kitano

“Poetry,” directed by Lee Chang-dong

“Another Year,” directed by Mike Leigh

“Fair Game,” directed by Doug Liman

“You, My Joy,” directed by Sergei Loznitsa

“La Nostra Vita,” directed by Daniele Luchetti

“Utomlyonnye Solntsem 2,” directed by Nikita Mikhalkov

“La Princesse de Monptpensier,” directed by Bertrand Tavernier

“Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives,” directed by Apichatpong Weerasethakul

04152010_talldarkstranger.jpgOUT OF COMPETITION:

“You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger,” directed by Woody Allen

“Tamara Drewe,” directed by Stephen Frears

“Robin Hood,” directed by Ridley Scott (opening night film)

“Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” directed by Oliver Stone

MIDNIGHT SCREENINGS:

“Kaboom,” directed by Gregg Araki

“L’Autre Monde” (Blackhole), directed by Gilles Marchand

04152010_abel.jpgSPECIAL SCREENINGS:

“Inside Job,” directed by Charles Ferguson

“Over Your Cities Grass Will Grow,” directed by Sophie Fiennes

“Nostalgia de la Luz” (Nostalgia for the Light), directed by Patricio Guzman

“Draquila: L’Italia Che Trema,” directed by Sabina Guzzanti

“Chantrapas,” directed by Otar Iosseliani

“Abel,” directed by Diego Luna

02032010_bluevalentine.jpgUN CERTAIN REGARD:

“Blue Valentine,” directed by Derek Cianfrance

“O Estranho Caso de Angelica,” (Anjelica), directed by Manouel de Oliveira

“Les Amours Imaginaires” (Heartbeats), directed by Xavier Dolan

“Los Labios,” directed by Ivan Fund and Santiago Loza

“Simon Werner a Disparu…” directed by Fabrice Gobert

“Film Socialisme,” directed by Jean-Luc Godard

“Unter Dir Die Stadt” (The City Below), directed by Christoph Hochhausler

04152010_rebeccah.jpg“Rebecca H. (Return to the Dogs),” directed by Lodge Kerrigan

“Pál Adreinn” (Adrienn Pal), directed by Ágnes Kocsis

“Udaan,” directed by Vikramaditya Motwane

“Marti Dupa Craciun” (Tuesday, After Christmas), directed by Radu Muntean

“Chatroom,” directed by Hideo Nakata

“Aurora,” directed by Cristi Puiu

“Ha Ha Ha,” directed by Hong Sangsoo

“Life Above All,” directed by Oliver Schmitz

“Octubre,” directed by Daniel Vega

“R U There,” directed by David Verbeek

“Rizhao Chongqing” (Chongqing Blues), directed by Xiaoshuai Wang

[Photos: “Fair Game,” River Road Entertainment, 2010; “Tournée,” Les Films du Poisson, 2010; “Outrage,” Bandai, 2010; “You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger,” Sony Pictures Classics, 2010; “Abel,” Canana Films, 2010; “Blue Valentine,” Weinstein Co., 2010; photo from the filming of “Rebecca H. (Return to the Dogs),” Wild Bunch, 2010]

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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