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DID YOU READ

All that snobbery allows.

All that snobbery allows. (photo)

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The “emperor’s new clothes” argument has always been a remarkably unsatisfying one, a smug fable invoked by anyone angry with any given politician or acclaimed film they happen not to like. The beauty of it is that it can be applied to anyone or anything — all you need is some kind of consensus to rail against. Case in point: Jeffrey Wells’ diatribe against Douglas Sirk, which unleashed the angry passions of Glenn Kenny and is sure to keep fur flying on both comments boards all day. I’m with Team Kenny on this one — the movie Wells calls out, “Imitation of Life,” happens to be one of my favorites — but the specifics aren’t my point here.

Sirk, best known for his ’50s melodramas like “All That Heaven Allows,” wasn’t considered particularly important until a retrospective at 1972’s Edinburgh Film Festival brought him into academia. “Far From Heaven” briefly made the wider world care (or not), but he’s always been a loaded gun, and arguments over Sirk’s greatness are periodically resurrected as an anti-snob thing. See Wells, who writes:

The dweebs are playing an old snob game. They’re basically saying that you have to be a serious cineaste to recognize Sirk’s genius, and that if you don’t recognize it then you need to think things through because you’re just not as perceptive as you need to be. There’s no winning against this mindset, which is somewhere between a schoolyard bully move and an intellectual con.

02232010_colossalyouth.jpgThis inspires a vision of the world where Sirk fans are wildly powerful (ha) and where everyone’s nervously burnishing their cinephile bona fides at all times, less concerned with their own reaction than how they should react. It’s the kind of bad-faith arguing that can be applied to virtually any filmmaker you dislike (unless it’s, you know, Michael Bay).

If you’re the kind of person who cares a lot about film, then you’re probably going to end up measuring your reaction to what you see against whatever consensus you’ve gathered is out there. And, inevitably, no matter what kind of critics, journalists, bloggers you find yourself in tune with, there will always come a time when you’re staring at something in disbelief, wondering why in the world anyone takes it seriously. (For me, that’d be Pedro Costa’s “Colossal Youth.” Or most Pedro Almodóvar movies.)

You know what you don’t do then? Decide that everyone’s trying to put one over on you, start frothing at the mouth and repeating “emperor’s new clothes” while feeling very incisive.

[Photos: “Imitation of Life,” Universal, 1959; “Colossal Youth,” Criterion Collection, 2006]

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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