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Highlights from Michael Madsen’s magical 2009.

Highlights from Michael Madsen’s magical 2009. (photo)

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There’s a hilarious account in the Guardian of everything went wrong during the shooting of “The Big I Am,” an upcoming British gangster drama.

The best parts involve one of its big name stars, Michael Madsen, who arrived “insisting all costume department mannequins be turned to the wall lest he be spooked by the wigs,” then refused to do his big death scene properly. Instead, he “made up a poem… about the nature of true love,” sang “Green, Green Grass of Home” on the next take, and on the final take screamed into the camera “Am I fucking dead enough for you now?”

Ever wonder what happened to Madsen since his critically acclaimed comeback turn in the “Kill Bill”? Well, a man can’t collect too many paychecks, especially if he’s not picky about where the funds are coming from — IMDb lists a staggering 18 credits from this year alone. Here are seven of my favorites from Madsen’s 2009.

12092009_lostinthewoods4.jpg“Lost In The Woods”
Michael Madsen is… Stuart Bunka
Tagline: “Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Forest!”
Plot: Seemingly inspired by Barry Levinson’s 1992 flop “Toys,” this family film stars Madsen as the self-proclaimed “greatest toymaker in the world.” His key invention: “The Facilitator,” which apparently includes miniature grenade launchers and little UFOs that place exploding cigars in the mouths of your opponents. When his daughter is kidnapped and the criminals demand two million dollars for her release, some kids wage war against the “Home Alone”-dumb criminals, presumably using Bunka toys. Also, laxatives lead a kidnapper looking for relief to get bit in the ass by a snake. And they put fireworks in the bad guy’s pants.
Key Madsen Line: “No matter who your enemies are or what the odds against you, with the Facilitator you’re gonna win or I’m not Stuart Bunka. Bunka Toys.”

12092009_mightaswelllive4.jpg“You Might As Well Live”
Michael Madsen is… Clinton Manitoba
Tagline: “Robert Mutt is not a douche bag.”
Plot: Robert Mutt (Joshua Peace) has tried to kill himself multiple times and leaves the mental asylum after beating his doctor at air hockey. The community thinks he’s a pedophile and loser, so he sets out to prove himself with help from his hallucinated friend, Clinton Manitoba, former farm-league baseball great. A Canadian comedy that was well-reviewed in Canada, this one seems to drink heavily from the “Napoleon Dynamite” well.
Key Madsen Line: “Fuck the internet.” Response: “Right in the face.”

12092009_thekillingjar4.jpg“The Killing Jar”
Michael Madsen is… Doe
Tagline: N/A
Plot: Sheriff, ominously: “There’s been some murders over in Union County.” Waitress: “What kind of person kills a child?” Enter Madsen, who takes the diner’s occupants hostage and begins getting some seriously violent action going, shooting folks point blank with deer-killing-caliber bullets. His hostages, incidentally, include some serious direct-to-video bait: Danny Trejo (who deserves better) and Jake “son of Gary” Busey (who doesn’t). This is one of like 30 movies starring Madsen as a raspy-voiced psychopath, and certainly not the last on this list; it’s what he does best.
Key Madsen Line: “You’ve got to separate the wheat from the chaff.”

12092009_theportal4.jpg“The Portal”
Michael Madsen is… Dr. Azirra
Tagline: “Dare to face your inner child…”
Plot: A super-evil painting isn’t just bad abstract art but the portal to another world, where couples make out against floaty blue-screened cosmoses and from which emerge spooky, flaxen-haired children who giggle innocently before turning into cheap-looking, gray-skinned demons. This generic horror trailer could pass for just another J-horror rip-off until the minute mark, at which point screaming zombie types emerge, blood flows down toilet-stall walls and amputations ensue. It’s kind of unbelievable how much blood is just casually flowing around; this is worth a NSFW look. Madsen seems to be playing the skeptical doctor investigating.
Key Madsen Line: “A portal. You really expect me to believe that?”

12092009_outrage4.jpg“Outrage”
Michael Madsen is… Farragute
Tagline: N/A
Plot: A Christian woman and her puddle-jumper plane either crash or are taken down (unclear) by a group of redneck hillbillies (including one deliberately Ted Kaczynski-looking dude) who proceed to get all “The Most Dangerous Game” on them, chasing them through the woods. Madsen isn’t the centerpiece here — that would be the part of the trailer where a dude’s struck by lightening, then there’s a shot of his soul exiting his body. Also, everyone runs around on glorified sit-down lawnmowers, someone gets chopped up by a plane propeller and someone else loses a foot to a bear-trap. Co-starring Natasha Lyonne.
Key Madsen Line: “In this life, you’re either the hunter or the hunted.”

12092009_brazelbull4.jpg“The Brazen Bull”
Michael Madsen is… “The Man”
Tagline: N/A
Plot: You know you’re in good hands from the trailer’s second shot, of Madsen walking up to the camera, cigarette in hand, with someone strapped-down to a rather-unpleasant-looking surgical table in the background. In this slasher-type movie (which Madsen saw fit to produce), folks checking out a property for development quickly realize there’s something wrong (“This wasn’t locked when we came in!”). Yeah it is — for whatever reason, Madsen wants to capture everyone and torture them while lighting his smokes with a blowtorch. Fair enough.
Key Madsen Line: “Pain. Is truth.”

12092009_thebleeding4.jpg“The Bleeding”
Michael Madsen is… Father Roy
Tagline: N/A
Plot: Somehing about evil vampires who want to destroy the world; Shawn Black (Matthew Matthias) isn’t going to let that happen. Getting his spiritual/tactical back is Madsen as the kind of priest who seems a bit more fixated on firearms and booze than your average clergymen. Co-stars: Vinnie Jones, Armand Assante, DMX, Kat von D.
Key Madsen Line: “What I do think [takes a sip of beer] is that you’re the kind of guy who only shows up when the shit’s about to hit the fan.”

[Top photo: Madsen in “Kill Bill: Vol. 2,” Miramax, 2004]

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GIF Giving

The Funniest Gifs From the Maron Season Premiere

Watch the Maron season premiere now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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Last night, Marc Maron returned in all his haggard glory in the darkly hilarious season premiere of Maron. In case you’re not caught up, Marc has fallen into a downward spiral of drugs and addiction, having lost his house, his podcast, his cats, and the ability to say he doesn’t live in a storage unit. And only someone like Marc can make the situation laugh-out-loud funny.

Here are the 5 funniest GIFs from last night’s Maron premiere, which you can watch right now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

1. Dave Anthony, Professional Truth Teller.

Maron Not Okay


2. Storage locker etiquette is important.

Maron Storage Locker


3. We’re sure Chris Hardwick would love to have Marc back on Talking Dead.

Maron Dumb Show


4. We can’t unsee Dave in that apron.

Maron Shit Bucket


5. The first step is listening. Marc has a lot of steps to go.

Maron Shut Up

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Marc Maron, Craig Anton – Maron – Season 4, Episode 3

The Reviews Are In

Critics Are Raving About the New Season of Maron

Watch the Maron season premiere right now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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Last night saw the return of Marc Maron, more than a little worse for wear, in the pitch-black premiere of Maron’s fourth season. Having fallen back into addiction, Marc’s lost his house, his podcast, and even his cats, and is now residing in a storage unit.

Maron

Part two of the double-shot premiere found our favorite curmudgeon dealing with the assorted characters in the Clean Living Rehab Center. The season’s heavy themes and unflinching performances earned much praise from fans and critics.

Check out what people said about last night’s premiere of Maron. And in case you missed the premiere, you can watch it now on IFC.com and the IFC app

Joe Berkowitz of Co.Create: “For the first time ever, Maron has veered way off the course of its creator’s timeline — into a chaotic alternate reality — and it’s the boldest creative leap in the series’ run yet…This particular downward trajectory provides a window into a world where the actual Marc Maron ends up hitting rock bottom. This world turns out to offer darkly comic possibilities, such as a rehab facilitator trying to get an in-patient Maron to be a guest on his podcast.”

Jason Tabrys of Uproxx: “[Whether] this is the beginning of the end for Maron, or just the start of a new phase, the fourth season’s off to an intriguing start that should make for compelling viewing.”

Neil Genzlinger of The New York Times: “[The] premiere does effectively, yet comedically, show two truths of substance abuse: Addicts need enablers who fuel their problem, either deliberately or inadvertently, and most need someone to intervene to help them climb out of the pit.”

Vikram Murthi of AV Club: “By shifting the series’ premise from a man struggling to maintain success to a man desperately trying to get it back, Maron has found a whole new energy…Maron doesn’t bring Marc down to a low point just for kicks but to demonstrate what happens when people forget what’s important and succumb to their worst selves. The fourth season effectively channels the raw vitality of [the WTF podcast’s] early days, when Maron was trying to dig his way out of a hole by embracing the world around him instead of pushing it away. ‘I’m gonna be okay, right?’ Maron asks Dave at the clinic. ‘Or not,’ Dave replies honestly. ‘But you have to try.’ Maron’s entire career has been about trying, and Maron’s fourth season succeeds by placing that idea at its center.”

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Bridesmaids Roommates Matt Lucas 1920

Roommate Not Wanted

The 10 Worst Roommates In Pop Culture History

Find out how Marc deals with his new roommate on the season premiere of Maron available now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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Photo Credit: Universal/Everett Collection

Last night’s season premiere of Maron found Marc’s disastrous downward spiral landing him in rehab with an annoying roommate who breaks into rhymes whenever he feels like it. Played in an inspired bit of casting by real life celebrity rapper Chet Hanks, Trey makes Marc’s life a living hell by taking his stuff and doing unspeakable things to his bed. Check out some other insufferable roommates from pop culture below, and be sure to catch up on the two-episode Maron season premiere on IFC.com and the IFC app to see how Marc deals with his new rapping bunkmate.

10. Scott Pilgrim, Scott Pilgrim Vs the World

Scott Pilgrim

Scott Pilgrim is the ultimate geek heroic fantasy. In that he’s living in a constructed fantasy world while ignoring all the people who have to deal with his failures. Saintly roommate Wallace Wells offers rent, food, and even his own bed to his eternally immature friend who rewards him by whining and leaving clothes on the floor.


9. Hooch, Turner & Hooch

Turner and Hooch

Nobody likes being forced to share their home. This goes double when you’re a police officer, the work is a murder investigation, and the unwelcome guest is a dog spraying more fluid than a leak in the Hoover Dam.


8. Floyd, True Romance

True Romance

Perfectly portrayed by Brad Pitt, Floyd is the worst kind of stoner roommate. He never answers the door, and barely moves from his position on the couch. Even worse, he rats out your pals’ location to a tough-looking stranger who comes to the door without a second thought. Not to “condescend” to you Floyd, but you’re kind of a tool. You probably never share that honey bear bong.


7. Gil and Brynn, Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids

Annie (Kristen Wiig) is already at a low point when her roommates Gil (Matt Lucas) and Brynn (Rebel Wilson) ask her to move out. To make matters worse, the tattoo-obsessed Brynn isn’t even Annie’s roommate — her brother has been letting her stay rent free so she can wear Annie’s clothes and read her journal.


6. Eddie, Friends

You might remember Eddie (played by the always reliably deadpan Adam Goldberg) as Chandler’s roommate who moved in after Joey moved into his own place with his big time soap opera money. Eddie proved to be a complete psycho, accusing Chandler of sleeping with his ex-girlfriend Tilly and watching his new roomie while he sleeps. In the end, Chandler tells Eddie that Hannibal Lector would make a better roommate. Could he be any creepier??


5. Bevers, Broad City

Bevers Broad City

What’s worse than an annoying roommate who eats all your food, tries on your clothes, and never seems to leave the apartment? How about a guy who isn’t even technically your roommate, but in fact the boyfriend of your roommate who is never around. If you’re going to hang out in your underwear all day, the least you could do is pay rent, dude.


4. Chris Knight, Real Genius

Real Genius

Freshman Mitch Taylor faces every college student’s worst nightmare: a pushy roommate. Chris Knight might be a genius, but within the first minute of their acquaintance he’s thrown out Mitch’s clothes, talked about his genitals, and smashed the dorm-room window.


3. Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple

Odd Couple

The Odd Couple defined the idea of mismatched roommates. Uptight neat-freak Felix and easygoing slob Oscar were meant to be just as bad as each other, but anyone who’s ever lived with other people knows that the lazy one is always the worst. At least the obsessive is keeping things clean while annoying you.


2. Roberto, Futurama

Futurama

Fry’s regular robotic roommate is an indestructibly amoral freeloader who’d sell Fry’s kidneys if he could think of a suitably lazy way to extract them. But Bender is the deity of domestic bliss compared to Roberto, the stabbing-obsessed psychobot who shares Fry’s room in the robot asylum.


1. Hedra Carlson, Single White Female

Single White Female

Hedra Carlson takes “drinking the last of the milk” to the ultimate extreme, stealing her roommate’s boyfriend, identity, and takes a stab at stealing her life. Well, it’s more of a butcher’s hook slash than a stab. Which makes it all the worse.

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