DID YOU READ

Awards season, the ultimate in existential challenges.

Awards season, the ultimate in existential challenges. (photo)

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For the next three months, many film sites will be sucked into the awards-season horse-races, spewing thousands of words that’ll date and curdle quicker than last year’s “Daily Show.”

There are, in fact, whole careers built around the prognostication of the irrelevant. Over at the New York Times, David Carr’s passed the baton of four years’ worth of “The Carpetbagger” Oscar commentary to Melena Ryzik in video form, which makes for amusing yet grim viewing.

It begins with Carr — his gloriously demolished voice his secret weapon — glowering in his Times cubicle and receiving an editorial voice-mail informing him it’s time to put on his “big boy pants.” Carr glances at his calendar, where a skull-and-crossbones mark the start of awards season and an ominous score come way out of some left-field horror movie. He has flashbacks to indifferent interviewees on the street and red-carpet chaos; he winces in pain.

Then the kind of malicious smile Wile E. Coyote used to get spreads across his face. “Hey Melena!” he yells across the room. “You like movies, right? Have I got a gig for you. Low pay, long hours, you get to spend time with movie stars who could care less about you […] and an audience in the hundreds, OK, dozens. You can be the famous New York Times Carpetbagger.” Then he trains her to fight it out on the red carpet.

It’s a joke, but it’s not a very funny one because it’s a little too close to home. Much like Jason Jones’ hilarious but painful visit to the Times this summer, a lot of the laughs are centered around how the paper is both out-of-date (Carr hands Ryzik his Rolodex rather than just sending her his e-mail contacts) and not nearly as important as it once was (their spot on Carr’s practice red carpet pales next to Variety‘s).

12022009_melena.jpgThe jokes about traffic counts are exaggerated but recognizable (see also this Onion article, which reads like it could be fact). For anyone concerned for the future of the Times (which should be, like, all of you), this mordantly self-mocking video’s first half is more like a funeral bell than a joybuzzer.

There’s something else here, though: a grim, resigned sense that we must confront the awards season head-on and remain immersed in it for a quarter of the year, no matter why or who cares. Ryzik seems like a good sport and does her Times Square interviews while remaining admirably friendly and composed, but it’s hard not to sympathize with the bald, mustachioed man who says he couldn’t care less and has to ask his wife if they saw any good movies this year. (“‘The Inglourious Basterds’? Something like that?”)

It’s like basic existentialism: in the face of meaningless and ultimately pointless life, we persevere, conducting ourselves the best we can, ultimately to die and be forgotten. Much like awards-season coverage. Godspeed, Melena Ryzik.

[Photo: From yesterday’s “Carpetbagger” video, the New York Times, 2009]

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.