War of the Welles: Seven Actors Who’ve Played Orson

War of the Welles: Seven Actors Who’ve Played Orson (photo)

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Vincent D’Onofrio and Maurice LaMarche in “Ed Wood” (1994)

Directed by Tim Burton

The Film is… a biopic about the life of Edward D. Wood Jr., the so-called “worst director of all-time.” Frustrated by his financiers’ efforts to control his film “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” Wood (Johnny Depp) storms off the set and heads to the nearest bar where, by chance, Orson Welles sits alone, looking over his notes for his production of “Don Quixote.” Welles invites Wood to join him at his table and the two strike up a conversation about filmmaking.

Orson Welles is portrayed as… Ed Wood with talent. As Wood and Welles chat, they realize they have a lot in common: both men struggle to maintain their artistic vision in the face of domineering moneymen and producers who think they’re directors and try to recut their pictures. Welles eventually gives Wood the encouragement he needs to complete “Plan 9.” “Ed,” he tells him, “visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else’s dreams?”

D’Onofrio and LaMarche are… a good combination, with D’Onofrio as the face and LaMarche as the voice of Welles. D’Onofrio definitely looks like him, though maybe a bit too much like the boy genius of “Citizen Kane” and not enough like the heavyset has-been who made “Touch of Evil” around the time of this imagined conversation. And LaMarche has made a cottage industry of his uncanny aural resemblance to Welles, even using the voice as the basis of the character The Brain from the cartoon series “Animaniacs” — there’s an entire episode where The Brain throws a recording studio hissy fit nearly identical to Welles’ famous “Frozen Peas” tirade. If you’re curious to hear why director Tim Burton chose to dub in LaMarche’s voice for D’Onofrio’s, just watch D’Onofrio’s “Five Minutes, Mr. Welles,” a short film about the actor’s preparations for his famous supporting role in Carol Reed’s “The Third Man.” Five minutes of D’Onofrio’s Mr. Welles and his unconvincing upper-class accent is more than enough to convince you that Burton made the right call.

Liev Schreiber in “RKO 281″ (1999)

Directed by Benjamin Ross

The Film is… a fictionalized account of the controversy surrounding the production of “Citizen Kane.” Welles and co-screenwriter Herman Mankiewicz (John Malkovich) produce their version of newspaper tycoon William Randolph Hearst’s life, and then Hearst (James Cromwell) uses all of his considerable power and influence to try and destroy the finished film before it’s released to theaters.

Orson Welles is portrayed as… a glory-hogging freedom fighter. On the one hand, Schreiber’s Welles will not compromise his vision or cede the spotlight for anyone, forcing Mankiewicz to change the lead character’s name at one point, and then taking Mank’s name off the screenplay entirely at another. On the other, Welles’ stubborn attitude comes in handy when RKO Pictures begins to buckle under the pressure and Welles is summoned before the board of directors to make his case, which he does, couching the entire debate as a freedom of speech matter. Mostly, this Welles is a relentless, driven egomaniac, though during a rare conciliatory moment with Mankiewicz, he reveals the well of self-doubt he hides from everyone else with his boundless cockiness. Despite his success, his fame, his talent, Welles feels alone. Or as he puts it to Mankiewicz, “I’m just a fraud who couldn’t care less about anyone except himself.” Welles, in other words, isn’t just telling Hearst’s story with “Kane”; he’s also telling his own.

Liev Schreiber is… charismatic, but a bit of a lightweight. He does a fine job capturing the young Welles’ swagger. Hard to blame RKO head George Schaefer (Roy Scheider) for giving this Welles final cut on “Kane”; he’s just so damn charming. Early scenes hum with Welles’ exuberance about his opportunity to make a great film. But Schreiber, and the film as a whole, suffers during the film’s heavier moments: he never carries the sort of raw emotion Welles brought to similar performances. Put it this way: despite the numerous scenes recreating the “Kane” production, I have a hard time believing the guy in “RKO” is the same guy who destroyed Susan Alexander’s bedroom, or who delivered the campaign rally speech, or who screamed at Boss Jim Gettys from across an apartment building stairwell. He just doesn’t have that fire in him.


Angus Macfadyen in “Cradle Will Rock” (1999)

Directed by Tim Robbins

The Film is… an Altman-esque ensemble piece about the relationship of art and capitalism set during the Great Depression. In one major thread, Orson Welles and the Federal Theater Project’s production of the pro-union musical “The Cradle Will Rock” is threatened when the FTP comes under assault from anti-Communist elements within the U.S. Government. In the other, Nelson Rockefeller (John Cusack) hires Diego Rivera (Rubén Blades) to paint a mural for the lobby of the Rockefeller Center, but is disgusted by the finished product’s favorable depiction of Communist leaders like Lenin.

Orson Welles is portrayed as… a drunken buffoon. Robbins told Interview at the time of “Cradle Will Rock”‘s release that he found the myth of the young, brilliant Orson Welles to be “overly romantic.” In Robbins’ interpretation, Welles is less the creator of his history than a well-lubricated witness to it. Though Robbins praised Welles in the same interview as “brilliant” with a “wonderful punk personality,” that’s not really the guy we see in Robbins’ film. The guy we see rails against the eight-hour workday and mandatory breaks for union employees, drinks like a fish, and doesn’t take a steady step in the entire picture. Robbins is far more flattering to “The Cradle Will Rock” writer Marc Blitzstein (Hank Azaria), producer John Houseman (Cary Elwes) and to Hallie Flanagan (Cherry Jones), their benefactor at the Federal Theater Project, who are all regarded as passionate believers in the transcendent power of art. Welles, in contrast, is a guy who passes out during cast auditions and who dines, like William Randolph Hearst, at the 21 Club, hobnobbing with other elites while his workers scrounge for every dollar.

Angus Macfadyen is… not Orson Welles, at least not any Welles I recognize, except perhaps in those Paul Masson Wine commercial outtakes. Scottish by birth, Macfayden rarely sounds like he’s American, let alone like Orson Welles. (Imagine Gerard Butler doing “Citizen Kane” with that strange not-quite-American accent from “The Ugly Truth” and you have a decent approximation.) It’s hard to imagine this Welles making any money in radio; he’s so swamped with alcohol that he slurs every syllable he utters. Macfadyen’s Welles is like something out of one of the period’s screwball comedies: boisterous, rowdy, quick-witted, and frequently tipsy. It’s a fun performance, but it doesn’t exactly scream Orson Welles (at least not the Welles of this particular period) to the point where you wonder, given Robbins’ willingness to fictionalize other parts of the story (John Turturro’s character, for instance, is a fabrication), why he didn’t just change the character’s name from Welles and let Macfadyen go really crazy.


Christian McKay in “Me and Orson Welles” (2009)

Directed by Richard Linklater

The Film is… a coming-of-age story about a high-school-aged theater enthusiast named Richard Samuels (Zac Efron) who stumbles into a small role in the Mercury Theatre’s 1937 production of “Julius Caesar.”

Orson Welles is portrayed as… a brilliant scoundrel. As described by one of his employees (Claire Danes), Welles is “very competitive, very self-centered, and very brilliant.” “And,” she warns, “the rule with Orson is you don’t criticize him. Ever.” He’s basically the Don Corleone of Depression-era Broadway: favoring those he loves with warmth and generosity and ruining the lives of those who dare to cross him. During his stint at the Mercury, Richard sees many sides of Welles’ persona: his improvisational brilliance, his unwavering directorial vision, his ravenous womanizing, and his dangerous temper. The rest of the “Caesar” cast and crew are often seen waiting around for Welles while he’s darting from one radio appearance to the next. But when he arrives, he is always worth the wait.

Christian McKay is… uncanny. He’s larger than life, but never cartoonish. He’s simultaneously charismatic and repulsive. He’s equally convincing whether Welles is sweet-talking a pretty girl or browbeating an argumentative stagehand. Watching McKay in the role, it is easy to see how Welles commanded so much attention; whenever McKay enters a scene, you can’t take your eyes off him. It’s said that Welles fired the actor who previously played Richard’s part in “Julius Caesar” because Welles feared being upstaged. McKay never has to share his character’s concern. He’s so good he comes dangerously close to rendering the film’s title half untrue.

[Additional photos: “The Night That Panicked America,” Paramount Television, 1975; “Malice in Wonderland,” Incorporated Television Company, 1985; “Heavenly Creatures,” Miramax, 1994; “Ed Wood,” Touchstone Pictures, 1994; “RKO 281,” HBO, 1999; “Cradle Will Rock,” Touchstone Pictures, 1999; and “Me and Orson Welles,” Freestyle Releasing, 2009]

Gigi Does It Ep6

Get Freaky With Gigi

5 Ways Gigi Can Help You Become a Better Lover

Gigi limbers up for love tonight at 10:30 PT/ET.

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Coming down off this weekend’s Pixy Stix sugar high? Well, rather than raid your grandkids’ candy sacks for some stray Charleston Chews, tune in to tonight’s all new Gigi Does It at 10:30P ET/PT for enough sweet sass to send you into a diabetic coma. But before you fire up the ol’ Life Alert, here are five ways to get ready for tonight’s episode that will also improve your moves in the boudoir.

1. Relive your crazy Halloween.

Sure, you’ve already rung in All Hallows’ Eve with some petty vandalism and your best Taylor Swift getup. But it’s never too late to break out the spooky ghoul costume and do like Gigi and put that TP in the trees to good, practical use.

2. Try something new in the bedroom.

Every healthy relationship ought to include some variety in the intimacy department, which is why it’s always smart to brush up on what those wild kids are doing in the bedroom these days. (If you’re confused with any of the terms, consult your male nurse.)

3. Limber up.

Physical therapists advise against sitting or lying down for extended periods of time, so take a moment to stretch out those quads and hammies with Gigi – regardless of how many “good legs” you have.

4. Browse the Web with a friend.

Surfing the ‘net with a pal can be fun. Just watch out for those nasty pop-up ads.

5. Watch the video that is too hot for Facebook.

Deemed “Too Hot for Facebook,” this Gigi clip removes the bleeps and blurs for a raw, NSFW look at the foul-mouthed granny in action.


Pox Kegger

This Is How the Benders Throw a Chickenpox Party

It's a Pox Kegger on tonight's all-new Benders.

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On this week’s Benders, Paul and Karen take their relationship to the next level when they both get the chickenpox. What do you bring to a chickenpox party? Chicken wings? A bucket of pox?

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For us, a sick day is best spent on the day on the couch, watching episodes of Portlandia on Netflix (guessing!) eating bowls of chicken soup, and sipping weak tea. But Karen didn’t count on the team spirit that binds Paul’s amateur hockey team together. So when the Chubbys find out that one of their teammates is in need, they have no choice but to be there for him–whether his wife likes it or not. Find out what happens when Benders airs tonight at 10P on IFC.


Super Awkward

The 10 Most Hilariously Awkward Sex Comedies

Get racy with Gigi Does It Mondays at 10:30P.

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Let’s face it: sex is innately funny. Body parts squishing together is always a recipe for potential awkwardness. So it’s only natural that Hollywood has mined the beast with two backs for comedy since the mid-­1950s. With Gigi getting her groove back on this week’s Gigi Does It, we thought we’d spotlight the 10 most hilariously awkward sex comedies ever lensed, from sci­fi parodies to touching teen romances.

10. Porky’s

Set in the 1950s, Bob Clark’s 1981 hit comedy follows a group of high school kids who want to lose their virginity, and travel to a nightclub in the Florida Everglades to do it. This kicks off a string of comical events that includes a “peeping on the girls locker room” scene that has been endlessly homaged and parodied. Porky’s was a massive critical flop on release, but thanks to VHS and cable airings it became a sweaty ’80s classic.

9. The Virginity Hit

The 2010 comedy The Virginity Hit takes the found­ footage approach from flicks like Paranormal Activity and transplants it into the much scarier world of high school sex and YouTube humiliation. This underrated movie laid the groundwork for a potential “third wave” of sex comedies.

8. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)

Woody Allen took a best­selling advice book and transformed it into this episodic comedy that cast a baleful eye on sex in the Free Love decade. The stellar cast (Gene Wilder! Burt Reynolds! Lynn Redgrave!) deliver some of the bits that rank among the best in Allen’s career. The rapid­-fire pace lets The Woodman touch on all manner of sexual deviancy, and the movie’s climax — in which the director plays a sperm getting ready to blast off into the throes of orgasm –­ is one of cinema’s most iconic moments.

7. Orgazmo

South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never shied away from getting explicit, and their NC­-17 sex comedy was an early taste of the duo’s outrageous humor. A young Mormon missionary comes to Los Angeles to try and save souls and winds up getting hired to star in a superhero-­themed porno. When his costar invents a ray gun that gives people orgasms, all Hell (and hilarity) breaks loose.

6. Superbad

This Judd Apatow-produced hit brought teen comedies into the age of the overshare with its mix of teenage awkwardness, uproarious gags and a healthy bromance between leads Michael Cera and Jonah Hill.

5. American Pie

The second great era of sex comedies kicked off in 1999 with this remarkably ribald ensenble flick about a quartet of friends trying to lose their virginity before they graduate high school. American Pie takes its name from the scene where Jason Biggs gets caught in a compromising position with some pastry, but the movie has multiple unforgettable bits, particularly Alyson Hannigan’s reverie about band camp.

4. There’s Something About Mary

The Farrelly Brothers cemented their position as a comedic powerhouse with this still hilarious Ben Stiller/Cameron Diaz rom com. Rarely has a film that involves testicular injury and unfortunate choices in hair gel been so sweet.

3. The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Judd Apatow proved that sex comedies aren’t just for teens with his breakthrough big screen comedy which cast Steve Carell as the titular middle-aged virgin. Although there’s plenty of erotic tomfoolery in this flick, it’s the real sense of heart and emotional consequence that makes it a classic.

2. The Girl Next Door

The normalization of pornography has drastically changed the way we think about sex, and 2004’s The Girl Next Door wrings tons of laughs from what happens when dirty movies hit a little too close to home. Elisha Cuthbert is the not-so-innocent girl next door who helps Emile Hirsch find new purpose in his life. A surprisingly dark and high-­quality outing for a film that was marketed as “American Porn.”

1. The Graduate

Single­-handedly responsible for introducing the concept of the “MILF” to American culture, Mike Nichols’ 1967 comedy features genre­-defining performances from Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft as a recent college graduate and the older woman he hooks up with. Sex is integral to The Graduate‘s plot and premise — it’s the fulcrum of the emotional conflict, not just thrown in for titillation, making for one of the best comedies of all time.

Judy Greer Arrested Development

Cheer for Greer

10 Roles That Prove Judy Greer Is a National Treasure

Catch Judy Greer on an all-new Comedy Bang! Bang! tonight at 11P on IFC.

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Judy Greer is basically the human equivalent of bacon — she makes everything better. In the last year alone she’s appeared in Tomorrowland, Entourage, Ant-Man and Jurassic World, doing her best to elevate often underdeveloped characters. With Greer stopping by Comedy Bang! Bang!, we thought it was high time to celebrate the roles that have made her a national treasure. And to see how she scores so many great roles, check out her universal audition tape.

10. Bran Lowenstein, Love Monkey

This show only lasted three episodes for hit factory CBS, but it was enough to earn a cult following. The story of a bunch of young New Yorkers navigating life and love could’ve been yet another Friends clone, but Greer and an all-star cast gave it a funky flavor that would be more at home on cable today.

9. Shannon, Addicted to Fresno

Greer earned rave reviews for her role in this 2015 film about a sex addict who accidentally kills a guy and needs her sister (Natasha Lyonne) to help her get rid of the body. Combining big, broad comedy with some real pathos, this is Greer at her absolute best.

8. Fern Mayo, Jawbreaker

TriStar Pictures

TriStar Pictures

Greer went from geek to glam in this dark cult comedy that proved she was destined for big things.

7. Alice the Waitress, Adaptation.

Is it any wonder that Greer was the dream girl for writer Charlie Kaufman (Nicolas Cage), considering her mix of beauty, brains and being approachable while also being fierce?

6. Lucy Wyman, 13 Going on 30

Here is Greer in one of her patented best friend roles, showing us that even when she doesn’t drive a scene, we can’t take our eyes off of her.

5. Lina Bowman, Married



Greer can currently be seen surviving marriage on this FX series, which allows her to showcase a wide variety of hilarious faces.

4. Julie Speer, The Descendants

Fox Searchlight Pictures

Fox Searchlight Pictures

As home in Oscar-winning dramas as she is in comedy, Greer nails this role of an aggrieved wife who’s just trying to keep her family from falling apart in Alexander Payne’s 2011 film.

3. Ingrid “Fatty Magoo” Nelson, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Greer is perfectly cast as Sweet Dee’s arch rival, who always seems to know the exact wrong thing to say to her.

2. Kitty Sanchez, Arrested Development

Imagine Television

Imagine Television

Greer, with the help of the always on Spring Break Kitty Sanchez, helped show the world and Michael Bluth that she was a force to be reckoned with.

1. Cherly Tunt, Archer

FX Productions

FX Productions

And then there’s Cheryl, a bondage loving secretary who moonlights as a world famous country singer. If ever there was a role Greer was born to play, this is it.

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