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DID YOU READ

Five reasons “Pirate Radio” flopped.

Five reasons “Pirate Radio” flopped. (photo)

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As you’re doubtless aware, the weekend saw “Precious” making $6.1 million from a measly 174 screens, doing well on its probable journey towards Best Picture; “Fantastic Mr. Fox” did well too, pulling roughly the same per-theater average as “The Darjeeling Limited” in its first weekend, which means Wes Anderson may or may not still be too cool for the mainstream. Less remarked upon was the crash-and-burn failure of “Pirate Radio,” Richard Curtis’ tepidly-awaited follow-up to “Love Actually.”

Considering the latter is a dorm-room staple of deluded pseudo-romantic girls everywhere, why might this be? And no, “bad reviews” is not an acceptable answer — the Metacritic score for “Pirate Radio” is actually slightly higher than that for “Love Actually”. Here are five reasons for the film’s failure, both conceptual and lifted from the terrible trailer:

1. No one cares about Richard Curtis in the US.

Richard Curtis did time on “BlackAdder” and “Mr. Bean.” That means nothing in the US (sadly). He did, however, write the following romcom staples: “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” “Notting Hill,” both Bridget Jones films, the aforementioned “Love Actually.” HOW HARD IS THAT TO MENTION IN THE TRAILER? Pretty freakin’ hard, apparently: we get a voice-over informing us that this is from “the creator of ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ and ‘Love Actually.'” Two mistakes there: assuming your target audience is old enough to remember “Four Weddings” (doubtful) and using the ever-nebulous “from the creator of” formula, which wary audiences are smart enough to distrust. Just say “From the writer of every romantic comedy you love” early on with a full resume count — not in a perfunctory voice-over over a minute-and-a-half into the trailer, by which points the young romantic girls are all like “Old dudes! Ew!” and have tuned out. Speaking of which:

11162009_pirateradio2.jpg2. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Bill Nighy are not stars.

We love them and all, but: clear enough. So don’t foreground them in your marketing! It’s all about that romcom hook — and no, it doesn’t matter that the movie isn’t actually a romcom. Cut it so it looks upbeat and heartwarming — there’s a whole father-son thing going on — and foreground Curtis’ bio. It’s not hard to sell mush. These are just two of many things wrong with the trailer. Conceptually, though:

3. People are tired of self-congratulatory baby boomers.

Remember when “Taking Woodstock” tanked earlier this year and Ang Lee was all like “I am very confused by the failure of my movie”? Let us note, now and forever, that audiences under fifty — i.e., much of the prime moviegoing public — are sick and tired of hearing about how the baby boomers changed the world, saved rock ‘n roll et al. I know this is a cliché, but that’s because it’s true. So stop making movies about it.

11162009_pirateradio3.jpg4. The soundtrack.

At the end of the trailer come these exciting words: “Soundtrack featuring music by The Who/The Kinks/Cream/The Rolling Stones.” OMG NEW RARITIES? Oh wait, no, you’re inviting me to see the aural equivalent of a classic rock station? Why would anyone want to see that? Are you actually using “Won’t Get Fooled Again” in the trailer?

5. Bonus reason: it already showed on Air Canada.

No, really, it was screened in its original, longer British cut — called “The Boat That Rocked” — in the “avant garde” section. (Lulz, etc.) There goes the precious Canadian business traveler market!

[Photos: “Pirate Radio,” Focus Features, 2009]

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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WTF Films

Artfully Off

Celebrity All-Star by Sisters Weekend is available now on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Sisters Weekend isn’t like other comedy groups. It’s filmmaking collaboration between besties Angelo Balassone, Michael Fails and Kat Tadesco, self-described lace-front addicts with great legs who write, direct, design and produce video sketches and cinematic shorts that are so surreally hilarious that they defy categorization. One such short film, Celebrity All-Star, is the newest addition to IFC’s Comedy Crib. Here’s what they had to say about it in a very personal email interview…

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IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Celebrity All-Star is a short film about an overworked reality TV coordinator struggling to save her one night off after the cast of C-List celebrities she wrangles gets locked out of their hotel rooms.

IFC: How would you describe Celebrity All-Star to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Sisters Weekend: It’s this short we made for IFC where a talent coordinator named Karen babysits a bunch of weird c-list celebs who are stuck in a hotel bar. It’s everyone you hate from reality TV under one roof – and that roof leaks because it’s a 2-star hotel. There’s a magician, sexy cowboys, and a guy wearing a belt that sucks up his farts.

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IFC: What was the genesis of Celebrity All-Star?

Celebrity All-Star was born from our love of embarrassing celebrities. We love a good c-lister in need of a paycheck! We were really interested in the canned politeness people give off when forced to mingle with strangers. The backstory we created is that the cast of this reality show called “Celebrity All-Star” is in the middle of a mandatory round of “get to know each other” drinks in the hotel bar when the room keys stop working. Shows like Celebrity Ghost Hunters and of course The Surreal Life were of inspo, but we thought it
was funny to keep it really vague what kind of show they’re on, and just focus on everyone’s diva antics after the cameras stop rolling.

IFC: Every celebrity in Celebrity All-Star seems familiar. What real-life pop personalities did you look to for inspiration?

Sisters Weekend: Anyone who is trying to plug their branded merch that no one asked for. We love low-rent celebrity. We did, however, directly reference Kylie Jenner’s turd-raison lip color for our fictional teen celebutante Gibby Kyle (played by Mary Houlihan).

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IFC: Celebrity seems disgusting yet desirable. What’s your POV? Do you crave it, hate it, or both?

Sisters Weekend: A lot of people chase fame. If you’re practical, you’ll likely switch to chasing success and if you’re smart, you’ll hopefully switch to chasing happiness. But also, “We need money. We need hits. Hits bring money, money bring power, power bring fame, fame change the game,” Young Thug.

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IFC: Who are your comedy idols?

Sisters Weekend: Mike grew up renting “Monty Python” tapes from the library and staying up late to watch 2000’s SNL, Kat was super into Andy Kaufman and “Kids In The Hall” in high school, and Angelo was heavily influenced by “Strangers With Candy” and Anna Faris in the Scary Movie franchise, so, our comedy heroes mesh from all over. But, also we idolize a lot of the people we work with in NY-  Lorelei Ramirez, Erin Markey, Mary Houlihan, who are all in the film, Amy Zimmer, Ana Fabrega, Patti Harrison, Sam Taggart. Geniuses! All of Em!

IFC: What’s your favorite moment from the film?

Sisters Weekend: I mean…seeing Mary Houlihan scream at an insane Pomeranian on an iPad is pretty great.

See Sisters Weekend right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib

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