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DID YOU READ

Play Lloyd Dobler off, Keyboard Cat.

Play Lloyd Dobler off, Keyboard Cat. (photo)

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As part of the giant marketing campaign behind the latest Roland Emmerich apocalypse porn extravaganza “2012,” Sony Pictures released a five-minute clip of the film showcasing just a few of the no doubt many ways mass destruction will be wreaked within its full run-time.

And no sooner was that accomplished than some pseudonymous smartass used the footage to cut together an alternate “2012” excerpt, one which gets rid of all those distracting effects so that we can concentrate on what really matter — the performances:

It’s an easy comic lay-up, but still funny. Thrill as Amanda Peet says “Buckle up!”, marvel at all the variations of “alarmed face” expressed by John Cusack and Tom McCarthy, and so on. The point of this recut (which ends, of course, with Keyboard Cat playing the whole sorry mess off) is presumably that the acting in disaster movies is always a source of inadvertent hilarity. “2012” does have far more overqualified thespians than it could possible need: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Woody Harrelson and Oliver Platt are on board as well.

But what the clip really brings to mind is how incidental these actors seem in a movie in which the effects are, without question, the real star. What’s it going to take for someone to make the first disaster movie with no real plot or actors, just extras running and screaming for their lives?

Think about it: people always whine about the exposition, critics complain the actors might as well be computer-generated like everything else and valuable explosion time is taken up by all that dialogue. I’m saying: One movie. 90 minutes. A few ominous God’s eye view establishing shots, then… uninterrupted destruction! The problem is what’ll be doing the destruction: Aliens? Monsters? The weather? All three? A new villain? (Maybe we can bring back the killer bees from “The Swarm”?) Whatever — these are the problems we pay producers and writers to figure out. Tell me I’m wrong and “The Day After Tomorrow” wouldn’t be much improved by the removal of all those soggy issues of father-son reconciliation.

[Photo: “2012,” Sony, 2009]

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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