DID YOU READ

Eight offensive quotes on the Polanski situation.

Eight offensive quotes on the Polanski situation. (photo)

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In a case as tangled with moral, legal and straight-up emotional arguments as the ongoing Roman Polanski one, there’s plenty of room for reasonable people to disagree. But wherever you stand, you’d hope at least people would avoid making the debate needlessly glib. And you’d be wrong. Here are eight of my favorite stupid statements made, in the interest of being fair and balanced, by both the media’s prosecution and defense of Polanski:

Prosecution

1. “He raped her in a lot of different ways. We’re talking sodomy and… other styles of rape.” –Wendy Murphy on MSNBC’s “Hardball”.

Without being too flippant about it, Ms. Murphy’s imprecision isn’t exactly making the best case; I wonder how many “styles” of rape there are, and I have to point out that sodomy can be perfectly consensual. A few sentences later, she notes that abroad, Polanski was “hanging around on the Left Bank,” which kind of gives the game away; Murphy, a noted Bill O’Reilly compatriot, knows how to tie in her undeniably sincere rape-victim advocacy to a broader culture war. Because really, why does it matter if he was on the Left Bank or in a Trappist monastery?

2. “Polanski is a great film director — although the much-acclaimed “Chinatown” has a muddled script — but his true talent is to make fools of his friends.” –Richard Cohen editorializing in the Washington Post.

In an incoherent editorial, Cohen basically proposes that Polanski doesn’t have to be prosecuted as long as Cohen gets to punch him just once. A lot of the prosecution crowd accuse Polanski’s defenders of having a double standard for anyone who’s a “great director,” and wonder how they’d feel if he was “Polanski the Plumber”; Cohen pulls the same trick in reverse. If “Chinatown” isn’t that good, then we really have to prosecute him. Wait, what?

3. “None of this, as my grandmother used to say, is ‘good for the Jews,’ especially at a time they have far bigger fish to fry. It is also worth noting, although cruel, that Polanski has admitted to being unfaithful to Sharon Tate during their very brief two-year marriage, an admission made only under oath many years after carrying the torch for Tate as if she were his own personal second Holocaust.” –Roger L. Simon at Pajamas Media.

Blaming Polanski for being arrested at a time when the world needs to focus on Iran potentially launching a missile at Israel — or, uh, being a bad Jew and encouraging anti-Semitism? — is a total non sequitur. Also, it actually isn’t worth noting Polanski cheated on Sharon Tate; it has nothing to do with the matter at hand.

4. “He pleaded guilty to unlawful sex with a minor in 1977, then beat it for France,
where I’m not sure that’s even a crime.”
–Andrew Klavan, also on Pajamas Media.

Ha! Another joke about the French! Order up one more batch of freedom fries! (For the record, the age of consent in France is 15, one year younger than in most American states.)

Defense

1. “I suggest, in the finest American tradition, we protest this absurd and deplorable act by smashing our cuckoo clocks, pawning our Swiss watches, and banning Swiss cheese and chocolate.” –Joan Z. Shore on the Huffington Post.

Shore ends up blaming the Swiss for it all. It’s obviously tongue in cheek, but she begins the column by reminding us of Switzerland’s dubious “neutrality” in World War II. Surely Nazi complicity and the arrest of Polanski aren’t quite on the same level?

2. “The jury of the international Zurich Film Festival has decided to proceed in honoring films and filmmaking despite the philistine nature of the collusion that is now occurring.” –Debra Winger, speaking at the festival.

Because the only reason Polanski would be arrested is a lack of appreciation for his movies.

3. “I know it wasn’t rape-rape. It was something else but I don’t believe it was rape-rape.” –Whoopi Goldberg on “The View.”

Beyond this being phrased like a teenager wondering “Does (s)he like me, or like-like me?”, rape doesn’t work like that, and few are really disputing the facts of what Polanski did.

4. “Whatever you think about the so-called crime, Polanski has served his time.” –Harvey Weinstein editorializing in the Independent.

“So-called crime”? Really? That’s not helping.

[Photo: “Roman Polanski: Wanted And Desired,” 2008, HBO.]

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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