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G.I. Joe: the FAIL of jock entertainment

G.I. Joe: the FAIL of jock entertainment (photo)

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G.I. Joe was the best thing a kid could have in the early 80’s, even better than the other toy/cultural giant, “Star Wars,” shocking as that may sound. G.I. Joe was an awesome toy line driven by a TV show and comic books, even a movie. “Star Wars” was a movie (or movies), supported by a toy line. While those film releases were colossal events, they were separated by vast stretches of time, whereas G.I.Joe came on every single day, as soon as you got home from school.

It should be no wonder then, that it’s very special to a generation of fans who collected the comic books, watched the cartoon every day, and coveted a literally unending series of superior swivel-arm battle grip action figures, and cool real-world based vehicles. I still hear the G.I.Joe theme song in my head sometimes, and instinctively begin pining for fruit roll ups and that hot, bespectacled Baroness.

So where’s the G.I Joe we all grew up with, the one we love? It looks like it might be buried under ugly “Iron Man” rip-off costumes, weak casting and way to much testosterone even for G.I. Joe. Although, Cobra looks kind of cool. Stormshadow and Snake Eyes look suitably bad ass, if a bit to high-octane. Is everyone on crystal meth?

Alan Silvestri is the composer, and while he might have some dope scores (“Predator”) his recent work with “Rise of Cobra” director Stephen Sommers just sounds like everything else. They have been a frequent team, and not always a good one… “Van Helsing” was one of the wost movies I’ve ever seen. It was so lame and in your face at every exploding meth lab turn. I get the value that extreme sporto entertainment can provide sometimes, after all I was once a Ronnie Raygun, violent American boy too. But are they dumbing down G.I. Joe? I would not have thought that possible.

And where’s the damn song? Silvestri, there better be the sweet scene where you slip in nods to that beloved tune. It’s the least you guys could do.


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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.

Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.


Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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