DID YOU READ

Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!, The Movie

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Even though a Mike Tyson documentary, Tyson, was just released last week, and Jamie Foxx is currently promoting his film, The Soloist, there is already talk of the multi-faceted actor portraying Iron Mike in an upcoming biopic.

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Apparently Tyson has even made public that he would love to have Foxx play him in a film about his life story.

When we say the “multi-faceted” Jamie Foxx, we’re not kidding around, because he is also promoting his most recent album, Intuition, which boasts the club hit, “Blame It.”

With all this talk of Foxx getting into the mindset of Mike Tyson, I’m thinking film writers and producers should skip the Tyson saga we’ve heard a million times before–especially all the drama surrounding Robin Givens, Buster Douglas, Don King, and Evander Holyfield–and make a movie about one of the greatest video games of all-time: Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!

If Foxx can weave in and out of movies and music, who’s to say our favorite musicians can’t do the same, huh?

So here’s a list of artists that should be in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!, The Movie:

1. Britt Daniel (Spoon) as Glass Joe
I’m not saying Britt Daniel has a glass jaw, but his thin frame and reddish hair make him an ideal Glass Joe. Spoon’s song “The Underdog” would also be perfect for the film’s soundtrack.

2. A.C. Newman (The New Pornographers) as Von Kaiser
If A.C. Newman shaved his beard and grew out a handlebar mustache, I think he’d look exactly like Von Kaiser. Now we just have to get the Canadian to work on his German accent.

3. Mike Herrera (MxPx) as Piston Honda
I don’t know? I just think MxPx’s Mike Herrera could pull off a good Piston Honda.

4. Guy Picciotto (Fugazi) as Don Flamenco
Not only does Guy Picciotto have a Don Flamenco-like nose, but he has video game character experience as well. Apparently, he was the inspiration for Guy in Street Fighter.

5. Frank Black (Pixies) as King Hippo
Kim Deal will be on set coordinating the fight scene between Little Mac and King Hippo. Like Nintendo Fan Club Magazine used to suggest: When he opens his mouth, hit him in the face. You gotta think that has happened on a few Pixies tours.

6. Snoop Dogg as Great Tiger
Snoop Dogg brings major motion picture experience with him. This could very well be his breakout role. I’m smelling Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.

7. Fat Joe as Bald Bull
The hit song “Lean Back” will be used after Bald Bull gets punched in the stomach after initiating his bull charge uppercut. (We’re hoping Fat Joe can bug out his eyes just like Bald Bull’s video game character.)

8. Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead) as Soda Popinski
The fu manchu and the non-stop drinking made it an obvious choice.

9. Murs as Mr. Sandman
Murs doesn’t resemble Mr. Sandman at all, but he does have the greatest Punch-Out!! inspired music video of all time,”Murray’s Revenge”, so we thought he deserved to be in the film.

10. Nick Cave (Bad Seeds) as Super Macho Man
You don’t necessarily think “macho” when you bring up Nick Cave’s name, but his slicked back hairstyle is reminiscent of Super Macho Man’s mane. And just having Cave in this film gives it major indie cred!

11. Jamie Foxx as Mike Tyson
His interest in the role of playing Mike Tyson is what started this whole discussion.

12. Brandon Flowers (The Killers) as Little Mac
I’m still convinced that the only reason The Killers aren’t the biggest band on the planet is because they’re still somewhat awkward during interviews. If Brandon Flowers could prove to the world–especially to mainstream folk in the U.S.–that he is more than a reclusive rock star, The Killers would sell 10 million more albums (that’s my Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! guarantee).

13. Joseph Simmons (Run DMC) as Doc
If Run doesn’t want to do it, I may allow a non-musical actor to portray Little Mac’s trainer. Reginald VelJohnson–the dad from Family Matters–seems like he’d be perfect for the role.

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Forget Oscar

Find Your Spirit Animal

The Spirit Awards are LIVE this Saturday at 2p PT/5p ET.

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In just a few precious days, the greatest, most epic, most star-studded awards ceremony of the year comes to IFC.

And please, we’re definitely not talking about the Oscars. We’re talking about the Spirit Awards. Hosted by iconic comedy duo Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, it’s a relatively under-the-radar awards show with serious cred. And if the past is any indicator, we’re in for a wild night.

If you feel like doing your homework, you can find a full list of nominees and performance excerpts here. It reads like a who’s who of everyone that matters – those larger-than-life personalities with status that borders on mythological. Our celebrity spirit animals, if you will.

This isn’t hyperbole. Literally everyone who takes the stage at the awards show is spirit animal material. Let’s see if we can help you find yours…

Do you

Live in someone else’s shadow despite shining like the sun? Do you inexplicably vandalize your pretty-boy good looks with a sloppy-joe man bun and a repellent pubic-hair beard? Do you think sounding stoned and sounding thoughtful are kinda the same thing?

Congratulations, your spirit animal is Casey Affleck.

He’s the self-canonized patron saint of anyone who’s got the goods but doesn’t give a damn.

Do you

Have mid-length hair and exude a certain feminine masculinity that is universally appealing? Are you drawn to situations that promise little to nothing in the way of grooming or hygiene as a transparently self-conscious attempt to conceal your radiant inner glow? Does that fail miserably?

Way to go, your spirit animal is Viggo Mortensen.

He’s the yoga teacher of actors, in that what should make him super nasty only increases his curb appeal.

Do you

Get zero recognition for work that everyone knows is unrivaled? Do you inspire greatness in others yet get shortchanged when it comes to your own acclaim? Are you a goddam B-52 bomber in an industry of biplanes?

Bingo, your spirit animal is Annette Bening.

What does it take for this artist to win an Oscar? Honestly now, if her performance in 20th Century Women doesn’t earn her every award on the planet, consider it proof that the Universe truly is a cold dark void absent of reason or compassion.

Do you

Walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a room full of friends? Have you been hiding under the radar just waiting for the right moment to leap out into the spotlight and stay there FOREVER? Do you possess the almost messianic ability to elevate Shia LaBeouf’s on-screen charisma?

You guessed it (or not), your spirit animal is 100% Sasha Lane.

If you haven’t seen American Honey, then you haven’t heard of her. She came out of the blue with a performance both subtle and powerful, and now she’s going to be in all the movies from this moment on. Or she should be, at any rate.

Don’t see your spirit animal there? Worry not. There are many more nominees to choose from, and you can see them all (yes, including Shia LaBeouf) during the Independent Spirit Awards, this Saturday at 2pm PT/5pm ET only on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia Keeps Road Rage In Park

Get a lesson in parking etiquette on a new Portlandia.

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It’s the most American form of cause and effect: Park like a monster, receive a passive-aggressive note.

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This unofficial rule of the road is critical to keeping the great big wheel of car-related Karma in balance. And naturally, Portlandia’s Kath and Dave have elevated it to an awkward, awkward art form in Car Notes, the Portlandia web series presented by Subaru.

If you’ve somehow missed the memo about Car Notes until now, you can catch up on every installment online, on the IFC app, and on demand. You can even have a little taste right here:

If your interest is piqued – great news for you! A special Car Notes sketch makes an appearance in the latest episode of Portlandia, and you can catch up on it now right here.

Watch all-new Portlandia Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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Naked and Hungry

Two New Ways to Threeway

IFC's Comedy Crib gets sensual in time for Valentine's Day.

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This week, two scandalous new digital series debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Ménage à Trois invites people to participate in a real-life couple’s fantasy boudoir. And The Filling is Mutual follows two saucy chefs who invite comedians to make food inspired by their routines. Each show crosses some major boundaries in sexy and/or delicious ways, and each are impossible to describe in detail without arousing some awkward physical cravings. Which is why it’s best to hear it directly from the minds behind the madness…

Ménage à Trois

According to Diana Kolsky and Murf Meyer, the two extremely versatile constants in the ever-shifting à trois, “MàT is a sensually psychedelic late night variety show exploring matters of hearts, parts and every goddamn thing in between…PS, any nudes will be 100% tasteful.”

This sexy brainchild includes sketches, music, and props that would put Pee-wee’s Playhouse to shame. But how could this fantastical new twist on the vanilla-sex variety show format have come to be?

“We met in a UCB improv class taught by Chris Gethard. It was clear that we both humped to the beat of our own drum; our souls and tongues intermingled at the bar after class, so we dove in head first.”

Sign me up, but promise to go slow. This tricycle is going to need training wheels.

The Filling is Mutual

Comedians Jen Saunderson and Jenny Zigrino became best friends after meeting in the restroom at the Gotham Comedy Club, which explains their super-comfortable dynamic when cooking with their favorite comedians. “We talk about comedy, sex, menses, the obnoxiousness of Christina Aguilera all while eating food that most would push off their New Year’s resolution.”

The hook of cooking food based off of comedy routines is so perfect and so personal. It made us wonder about what dishes Jen & Jenny would pair with some big name comedy staples, like…

Bill Murray?
“Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to… Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to avoid doing any kind of silly Groundhog Day reference.” 

Bridget Everett?
“Cream Balls… Sea Salt encrusted Chocolate Ganache Covered Ice Cream Ball that melt cream when you bite into them.” 

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney? 
“I’d make George and Gil black and white cookies from scratch and just as we open the oven to put the cookie in we’d prank ’em with an obnoxious amount of tuna!!!”

Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen? 
“Definitely a raw cacao “safe word” brownie. Cacao!”

Just perfect.

See both new series in their entirety on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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