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LISTS: Best Uniforms In Music

LISTS:  Best Uniforms In Music (photo)

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I love uniforms–doesn’t matter if we’re talkin’ school, work, or sports! Go ahead, ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that not only have I saved every uniform from every fast food place where I’ve worked, but at the beginning of every sports season I can tell you what stripe, outline, or font has been changed on a team’s uniform (and, yes, I think Uni Watch is one brilliant idea for a blog).

I believe that wearing a uniform–which some may argue takes away from individual creative expression–promotes unity. Win as a team, lose as a team. All for one, one for all, right?

And it’s not just postal workers, sports teams, and Catholic schoolgirls having all the fun. Uniforms have been used in music for many, many years–everyone from The Supremes to The Beatles to The Jackson 5 (even the Brady Bunch) have dawned them. Coldplay is a recent example of a musical act showing solidarity through wearing similarly stitched threads. Though I don’t necessarily care for their Wiggles-meets-marching-band uniforms, I do appreciate their effort.

Nine Inch Nails, as you probably know, also have a strict dress code. That’s why I thought it was hilarious last year, when they recruited former Beck bassist, Jason Mendel Johnsen, into their ranks. The usually flamboyantly dressed JMJ had to succumb to NIN’s serious black-and-grey road uniform. Career-wise he may be better off with Trent Reznor’s squad, but fashion-wise, it seems like he’d fit in more with cover-song kings, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, who make a regular practice out of wearing brightly colored Hawaiian shirts on stage.

Today, we will take a good look at the all-time best uniforms in music. Just to be clear, a band can only qualify for the list, if all members participate. Andre 3000 and Karen O have sported some spectacular threads over the last few years, but the rest of their group–and maybe for good reason–haven’t mimicked their style (I don’t know if the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, Nick Zinner, would look good in an electric blue leotard?).

For fans of symmetry, balance, color codes, and playing dress-up, I give you music’s greatest on-stage uniforms ever:

Honorable Mention, Slipknot
Love ’em or hate ’em, you got to give Sklipknot some credit. It’s not easy performing in jumpsuits and masks–especially in sweatbox clubs or at outdoor summer concerts, when the temperature can easily reach triple digits.

10. Stryper
The least accomplished band on this list, but who can forget their black-and-gold, bumble bee stage attire? Being from Pittsburgh, I do admire their choice in colors, but what I really respect from this early 80’s metal band, is their courage to wear outfits that made them look like professional wrestlers wrapped in caution tape.

9. Alkaline Trio
Wearing black suits is nothing new to music, but Alkaline Trio deserve a special place on this countdown, because they were wearing suits and ties when the rest of their Warped Tour peers were wearing skateboard t-shrits and oversized shorts. In the mid-2000’s, countless bands–including Green Day and My Chemical Romance–adopted Alkaline Trio’s black-and-red dress code.

8. N.W.A.
How much money do you think the Starter Clothing Company made from the popularity of N.W.A.? Eazy, Cube, and Dre (and I can’t forget about Yella and Ren) represented their hometown west coast by wearing Raiders caps and Starter Jackets. Around the same time, the NHL’s Los Angeles Kings changed their color scheme from purple-and-yellow to black-and-silver, which (conveniently) made it a perfect accoutrement to N.W.A.’s uniform.

7. Devo
Devo’s onstage attire has become so iconic it’s even available as a yearly Halloween costume at Party stores across the country. Their headwear, the energy dome, is also one of the coolest souvenirs to own in music. (Don’t think of Devo as just an 80’s novelty act either, they performed at SXSW 2009 and are scheduled to release a brand new album later this year.)

6. The Beastie Boys
Whether it be in tracksuits, jumpsuits, silk-suits or lab coats, it’s no secret that the Beastie Boys like to play dress up. Years ago, old school rapper, Kool Moe Dee, gave the Beastie Boys a grade of A for sticking to themes–I concur.

5. The Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Chili Peppers have one of the most famous–and simplest–uniforms in rock and roll history: the sock. Besides wearing hosiery on their ding-dongs, The Red Hot Chili Peppers have also worn light bulbs on their heads, and have made classic, their simple shirts-off style.

4. The Ramones
Before The Ramones, a group of guys wearing tight jeans and leather jackets might be mistaken for a motorcycle gang. After The Ramones–well–a group of guys wearing tight jeans and leather jackets were either mistaken for The Ramones or a group of New York City punks on their way to see them.

3. Run-DMC
Stetson hats, black jackets, and adidas sneakers. Wear this combination today, and I guarantee someone will start singing a Run-DMC song.

2. The White Stripes
No matter how popular they got, or how critically acclaimed their albums became in the early 00’s, The White Stripes never broke from their red-and-white dress code–not on stage, not on their album cover, not in photo shoots. Like many sports team, Jack and Meg have recently included the color black into their stage get-ups (don’t know if this is to strike fear into their opponents, or if black is better at concealing sweaty armpits?).

The ultimate in rock and roll stage uniforms. KISS’ silver-and-black stage attire–with accompanying black-and-white face paint–is the most iconic look in music history (speaking in terms of bands). Some die-hard sports fans may even concede that the silver-and-black of KISS is more recognizable than the silver-and-black uniforms of the legendary Oakland Raiders football team.


Hacked In

Funny or Die Is Taking Over

FOD TV comes to IFC every Saturday night.

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We’ve been fans of Funny or Die since we first met The Landlord. That enduring love makes it more than logical, then, that IFC is totally cool with FOD hijacking the airwaves every Saturday night. Yes, that’s happening.

The appropriately titled FOD TV looks like something pulled from public access television in the nineties. Like lo-fi broken-antenna reception and warped VHS tapes. Equal parts WTF and UHF.

Get ready for characters including The Shirtless Painter, Long-Haired Businessmen, and Pigeon Man. They’re aptly named, but for a better sense of what’s in store, here’s a taste of ASMR with Kelly Whispers:

Watch FOD TV every Saturday night during IFC’s regularly scheduled movies.


Wicked Good

See More Evil

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is on Hulu.

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Okay, so you missed the entire first season of Stan Against Evil. There’s no shame in that, per se. But here’s the thing: Season 2 is just around the corner and you don’t want to lag behind. After all, Season 1 had some critical character development, not to mention countless plot twists, and a breathless finale cliffhanger that’s been begging for resolution since last fall. It also had this:


The good news is that you can catch up right now on Hulu. Phew. But if you aren’t streaming yet, here’s a basic primer…

Willards Mill Is Evil

Stan spent his whole career as sheriff oblivious to the fact that his town has a nasty curse. Mostly because his recently-deceased wife was secretly killing demons and keeping Stan alive.

Demons Really Want To Kill Stan

The curse on Willards Mill stipulates that damned souls must hunt and kill each and every town sheriff, or “constable.” Oh, and these demons are shockingly creative.


They Also Want To Kill Evie

Why? Because Evie’s a sheriff too, and the curse on Willard’s Mill doesn’t have a “one at a time” clause. Bummer, Evie.

Stan and Evie Must Work Together

Beating the curse will take two, baby, but that’s easier said than done because Stan doesn’t always seem to give a damn. Damn!


Beware of Goats

It goes without saying for anyone who’s seen the show: If you know that ancient evil wants to kill you, be wary of anything that has cloven feet.


Season 2 Is Lurking

Scary new things are slouching towards Willards Mill. An impending darkness descending on Stan, Evie and their cohort – eviler evil, more demony demons, and whatnot. And if Stan wants to survive, he’ll have to get even Stanlier.

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is now streaming right now on Hulu.



Reminders that the ’90s were a thing

"The Place We Live" is available for a Jessie Spano-level binge on Comedy Crib.

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Unless you stopped paying attention to the world at large in 1989, you are of course aware that the ’90s are having their pop cultural second coming. Nobody is more acutely aware of this than Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney, two comedians who met doing improv comedy and have just made their Comedy Crib debut with the hilarious ’90s TV throwback series, The Place We Live.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Dara: It’s everything you loved–or loved to hate—from Melrose Place and 90210 but condensed to five minutes, funny (on purpose) and totally absurd.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Betsy: “Hey Todd, why don’t you have a sip of water. Also, I think you’ll love The Place We Live because everyone has issues…just like you, Todd.”


IFC: When you were living through the ’90s, did you think it was television’s golden age or the pop culture apocalypse?

Betsy: I wasn’t sure I knew what it was, I just knew I loved it!

Dara: Same. Was just happy that my parents let me watch. But looking back, the ’90s honored The Teen. And for that, it’s the golden age of pop culture. 

IFC: Which ’90s shows did you mine for the series, and why?

Betsy: Melrose and 90210 for the most part. If you watch an episode of either of those shows you’ll see they’re a comedic gold mine. In one single episode, they cover serious crimes, drug problems, sex and working in a law firm and/or gallery, all while being young, hot and skinny.

Dara: And almost any series we were watching in the ’90s, Full House, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life has very similar themes, archetypes and really stupid-intense drama. We took from a lot of places. 


IFC: How would you describe each of the show’s characters in terms of their ’90s TV stereotype?

Dara: Autumn (Sunita Mani) is the femme fatale. Robin (Dara Katz) is the book worm (because she wears glasses). Candace (Betsy Kenney) is Corey’s twin and gives great advice and has really great hair. Corey (Casey Jost) is the boy next door/popular guy. Candace and Corey’s parents decided to live in a car so the gang can live in their house. 
Lee (Jonathan Braylock) is the jock.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Dara: Because everyone’s feeling major ’90s nostalgia right now, and this is that, on steroids while also being a totally new, silly thing.

Delight in the whole season of The Place We Live right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. It’ll take you back in all the right ways.