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“Thriller’s” Monopoly of the Dance Floor

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This weekend my wife and I attended our seventh wedding of the year (I think that has to be some kind of record for us). Anyway, we had a great time visiting with friends and family, the cake was delicious (love the fruit filling), the weather was nice, but one thing irked me (as it has during the other weddings I’ve been to this year):

When did Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” become a mandatory crowd participation dance?

I understand there are a gazillion YouTube videos with wedding parties doing the “Thriller” choreography to a T. There’s also world record attempts and entire prison yards partaking in the ghoulishly fun activity, but if I don’t know the precise moves, why should I have to leave the dance floor?

(above: Clear the floor, it’s time for the damn “Thriller” dance.)

At most of the weddings I have attended this year (including the latest one), when the DJ begins playing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”–it’s almost like clockwork–a group of tweenage girls will gather in the middle of the floor, line-up, and, move-for-move, begin performing Michael Jackson’s choreography.

There’s only one problem though–they usually aren’t that good. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say they all aren’t that good. There is always one tween who is halfway decent, but the rest of her friends usually suck. There is also a handful of family and friends who are graciously quick to step off the dance floor and gaze at the girls like they’re doing something superhuman.

During one of the weddings I attended earlier this year, I continued to dance while the “Thriller” choreography ensued, but I then realized that it’s frowned upon to remain on the dance floor while a choreographed dance routine is taking place (oooooh, don’t mess with the choreographed dance routine).

As my wedding season progressed, I began to dread hearing the opening chords of “Thriller.” Not only did it kill the momentum of the party, but it also meant I had to watch a sloppy 4-minute dance routine that I wasn’t allowed to be a part of until I learned the moves myself.

“The Electric Slide,” “The Hokey Pokey,” “The Macarena,” “The Chicken Dance,” “The Love Shack,” and “Cha Cha Slide” have gained a new friend, while I have lost one (sigh). As I do with the songs mentioned above, every time I hear “Thriller” at future weddings, it will be my cue to leave the dance floor and make a trip to the bathroom or a visit to the cookie table.


Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.


Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.

Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…


A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.


Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.