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DID YOU READ

LOST TREASURES: Orange 9mm

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In the pantheon of music, many bands become household names and the rest don’t. New York City-based, Orange 9mm (pronounced “Orange Nine” by fans), could be classified as the latter–although they came pretty darn close to the former between 1994-1996. Their post-hardcore classification could be a bit misleading, since they brought various influences (punk, metal, skate-thrash, and even a dash of hip-hop) to the table.

(left: Orange 9mm, the post-hardcore band that just nearly missed becoming household names.)

Orange 9mm’s blessing and curse was–that as much as they had in common with bands they toured with–they were always slightly different than everyone else. They were a little too funky for the Helmet, Quicksand, Sick Of It All set, and a little too hardcore for groups like the Deftones and Korn, who were beginning to garnish some of their material with hip-hop influences. Another possible reason Orange 9mm didn’t reap mainstream success was because following the release of their sophomore effort, Tragic (which initially was given a decent major label push), founding member, co-songwriter, and guitarist Chris Traynor decided to leave the band and join Helmet. It was hard to hate Traynor for his decision, because, damn, who wouldn’t have wanted to play guitar with Helmet in the mid-90’s?

Orange 9mm’s live shows were ferocious affairs overseen by their intense frontman, Chaka Malik (who had some of the greatest stage dives that I have ever seen). Even when the band shuffled their line-up, their stage show still boasted a non-stop energy.

After Tragic, the band veered from their bread-and-butter intensity and released Pretend I’m Human (which included a 7-minute spoken-word jam). The band that was always a little different from everyone else, eventually became too different for their own fan base, and ended up parting ways (though I don’t know exactly why or when this happened).

Orange 9mm’s *Driver Not Included and Tragic still pack a wallop (and I will still try to burn people a copy of these discs if they say they’ve never heard of the band before).

Orange 9mm’s full-length, *Driver Not Included, may also be one of the most literal-named albums of all-time (the song “Driver,” released on an earlier EP, was–you guessed it–not included on their debut disc).

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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