DID YOU READ

News bits.

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And from the future.
Because it’s awfully quiet today — and damn right, it’s a holiday! Nearly!

Big news: Richard Kelly‘s "Southland Tales" has been acquired by Sony Pictures (via Borys Kit at the Hollywood Reporter). Of the notorious Cannes reception and the assumed heavy editing the film would be undergoing:

"(Richard) is going to complete his edit, and when we see his cut, we’ll figure out the distribution plan," SHE president Ben Feingold said. "But it will be theatrical."

The studio is providing suggestions to Kelly, but "it’s his movie," Feingold said. "We’ll have a point of view, but people like (Kelly’s) sensibility."

Also from Mr. Kit, a Jeff Buckley biopic is in the works — "Writer-director Brian Jun, whose ‘Steel City’ was nominated for the grand jury prize at January’s Sundance Film Festival, will write and direct a feature based on the musician’s life. The movie is being produced by Buckley’s mother, Mary Guibert, and Michelle Sy, who executive produced ‘Finding Neverland.’"

Sheigh Crabtree reports that Alison Eastwood will make her directorial debut with "Rails and Ties" for Warner Independent, leading up to an inevitable hair-pulling red carpet catfight with Sofia Coppola, after which they will weep in each other’s arms over how their famous dads kept making them act in their movies.

And Gregg Goldstein notes that new indie distributor Outsider Pictures has announced their slate: "The company launches in August with Spiro Taraviras‘ documentary ‘Buzz,’ which profiles film noir screenwriter A.I. Bezzerides. Other releases set for this year will include Robert Connolly‘s drama of an impoverished family man, ‘Three Dollars’; Randall Rubin and Jon Schroder‘s teen romance ‘Jimmy and Judy’ starring Edward Furlong; and Barbara Willis Sweete‘s docu on the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, ‘Five Days in September: the Rebirth of an Orchestra.’"

Edward Furlong — we thought he was dead! Good on ya, Edward, you’re not.

Elsewhere in the world: CRI reports that Taiwanese pop star Wang Leehom is being considered for the part of "a patriotic youth" in Ang Lee‘s "Lust, Caution." Tom Perry at Reuters writes that "The Yacoubian Building," which screened at Tribeca (our brief impressions are here) and which deals with controversial topics not typically touched upon by Egyptian cinema, including homosexuality, police torture
and government corruption, has topped the Egyptian box office since it’s June 19th premiere.

Egyptian censors tightly control films’ political content. Alaa al Aswany, an anti-government activist, suggested the film was allowed to air to give the impression of greater freedoms.

"They do this every now and then. They have an accumulation of experience in decoration, to make the point that it’s a democracy," he said.

Via AP, Staff Sgt. Raymond J. Plouhar, a Marine and one-time recruiter who appeared in "Fahrenheit 9/11" (he worked the mall parking lot: "It’s better to get them when they’re in ones and twos and work on them that way.") was killed in a roadside bombing in Iraq.

Although Plouhar willingly appeared in the movie, which is critical of the Bush administration’s actions after Sept. 11, his father said Plouhar didn’t realize it would criticize the war.

"I’m proud that my son wanted to protect the freedom of this country whether we all agree with the war or not," he said.

Eugene Hernandez at indieWIRE reports that LAFF prizes (of $50,000 each) went to Steve Collins for "Gretchen" and Amy Berg for "Deliver Us From Evil." And via Sandy Cohen at AP, "Crash" was one of the winner of $25,000 and the Humanitas Prize for work that helps "liberate, enrich and unify society." We’re so far past making fun of "Crash" at this point that…that…we’ve got nothing. Too liberated, we suppose.

Lastly, Xeni Jardin at BoingBoing points out that, in a case of life echoing "Hard Candy" (sans castration) "two Florida girls aged 14 and 15 created a bogus profile on MySpace, grabbed a pair of pistols, then robbed an adult man who arranged to meet the lovely but fictitious 18-year-old ‘Natalia’ in person."

+ Sony travels to Kelly’s "Southland" (HR)
+ Jun hits the right notes for Buckley biopic (HR)
+ Alison Eastwood rides "Rails" with Warner Independent (HR)
+ Indie Outsider sets film slate (HR)
+ Leehom Wong to Star in Ang Lee’s "Lust, Caution"? (CRI)
+ Egyptian film breaks taboos and tops box office (Reuters)
+ Marine in `Fahrenheit 9/11′ killed in Iraq (AP)
+ "Gretchen" and "Deliver Us From Evil" Win Big Award$ in L.A. (indieWIRE)
+ ‘Crash’ screenplay wins Humanitas Prize (AP)
+ Underage teen girls rob adult man they met on MySpace (Boing Boing)

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Forget Oscar

Find Your Spirit Animal

The Spirit Awards are LIVE this Saturday at 2p PT/5p ET.

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In just a few precious days, the greatest, most epic, most star-studded awards ceremony of the year comes to IFC.

And please, we’re definitely not talking about the Oscars. We’re talking about the Spirit Awards. Hosted by iconic comedy duo Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, it’s a relatively under-the-radar awards show with serious cred. And if the past is any indicator, we’re in for a wild night.

If you feel like doing your homework, you can find a full list of nominees and performance excerpts here. It reads like a who’s who of everyone that matters – those larger-than-life personalities with status that borders on mythological. Our celebrity spirit animals, if you will.

This isn’t hyperbole. Literally everyone who takes the stage at the awards show is spirit animal material. Let’s see if we can help you find yours…

Do you

Live in someone else’s shadow despite shining like the sun? Do you inexplicably vandalize your pretty-boy good looks with a sloppy-joe man bun and a repellent pubic-hair beard? Do you think sounding stoned and sounding thoughtful are kinda the same thing?

Congratulations, your spirit animal is Casey Affleck.

He’s the self-canonized patron saint of anyone who’s got the goods but doesn’t give a damn.

Do you

Have mid-length hair and exude a certain feminine masculinity that is universally appealing? Are you drawn to situations that promise little to nothing in the way of grooming or hygiene as a transparently self-conscious attempt to conceal your radiant inner glow? Does that fail miserably?

Way to go, your spirit animal is Viggo Mortensen.

He’s the yoga teacher of actors, in that what should make him super nasty only increases his curb appeal.

Do you

Get zero recognition for work that everyone knows is unrivaled? Do you inspire greatness in others yet get shortchanged when it comes to your own acclaim? Are you a goddam B-52 bomber in an industry of biplanes?

Bingo, your spirit animal is Annette Bening.

What does it take for this artist to win an Oscar? Honestly now, if her performance in 20th Century Women doesn’t earn her every award on the planet, consider it proof that the Universe truly is a cold dark void absent of reason or compassion.

Do you

Walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a room full of friends? Have you been hiding under the radar just waiting for the right moment to leap out into the spotlight and stay there FOREVER? Do you possess the almost messianic ability to elevate Shia LaBeouf’s on-screen charisma?

You guessed it (or not), your spirit animal is 100% Sasha Lane.

If you haven’t seen American Honey, then you haven’t heard of her. She came out of the blue with a performance both subtle and powerful, and now she’s going to be in all the movies from this moment on. Or she should be, at any rate.

Don’t see your spirit animal there? Worry not. There are many more nominees to choose from, and you can see them all (yes, including Shia LaBeouf) during the Independent Spirit Awards, this Saturday at 2pm PT/5pm ET only on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia Keeps Road Rage In Park

Get a lesson in parking etiquette on a new Portlandia.

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It’s the most American form of cause and effect: Park like a monster, receive a passive-aggressive note.

car notes note

This unofficial rule of the road is critical to keeping the great big wheel of car-related Karma in balance. And naturally, Portlandia’s Kath and Dave have elevated it to an awkward, awkward art form in Car Notes, the Portlandia web series presented by Subaru.

If you’ve somehow missed the memo about Car Notes until now, you can catch up on every installment online, on the IFC app, and on demand. You can even have a little taste right here:

If your interest is piqued – great news for you! A special Car Notes sketch makes an appearance in the latest episode of Portlandia, and you can catch up on it now right here.

Watch all-new Portlandia Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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Naked and Hungry

Two New Ways to Threeway

IFC's Comedy Crib gets sensual in time for Valentine's Day.

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This week, two scandalous new digital series debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Ménage à Trois invites people to participate in a real-life couple’s fantasy boudoir. And The Filling is Mutual follows two saucy chefs who invite comedians to make food inspired by their routines. Each show crosses some major boundaries in sexy and/or delicious ways, and each are impossible to describe in detail without arousing some awkward physical cravings. Which is why it’s best to hear it directly from the minds behind the madness…

Ménage à Trois

According to Diana Kolsky and Murf Meyer, the two extremely versatile constants in the ever-shifting à trois, “MàT is a sensually psychedelic late night variety show exploring matters of hearts, parts and every goddamn thing in between…PS, any nudes will be 100% tasteful.”

This sexy brainchild includes sketches, music, and props that would put Pee-wee’s Playhouse to shame. But how could this fantastical new twist on the vanilla-sex variety show format have come to be?

“We met in a UCB improv class taught by Chris Gethard. It was clear that we both humped to the beat of our own drum; our souls and tongues intermingled at the bar after class, so we dove in head first.”

Sign me up, but promise to go slow. This tricycle is going to need training wheels.

The Filling is Mutual

Comedians Jen Saunderson and Jenny Zigrino became best friends after meeting in the restroom at the Gotham Comedy Club, which explains their super-comfortable dynamic when cooking with their favorite comedians. “We talk about comedy, sex, menses, the obnoxiousness of Christina Aguilera all while eating food that most would push off their New Year’s resolution.”

The hook of cooking food based off of comedy routines is so perfect and so personal. It made us wonder about what dishes Jen & Jenny would pair with some big name comedy staples, like…

Bill Murray?
“Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to… Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to avoid doing any kind of silly Groundhog Day reference.” 

Bridget Everett?
“Cream Balls… Sea Salt encrusted Chocolate Ganache Covered Ice Cream Ball that melt cream when you bite into them.” 

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney? 
“I’d make George and Gil black and white cookies from scratch and just as we open the oven to put the cookie in we’d prank ’em with an obnoxious amount of tuna!!!”

Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen? 
“Definitely a raw cacao “safe word” brownie. Cacao!”

Just perfect.

See both new series in their entirety on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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